A Short Story That Will Make My Mom Cringe

The other night we had sausages and chips for dinner. It was extremely yummy because the butchers near our house make some mighty fine sausages. About 30 minutes after we had finished dinner, LaLa came back into the kitchen looking for more.

LaLa: "Hey Mum, do we have anymore of those sausages?"

Me: "Umm no, I think your dad ate the last one."

LaLa: "Dammit."

Of course at first my brain didn't process that my 8 year old daughter had just said dammit; albeit a minor swear word, a swear word none the less. Once however my brain engaged and I picked my jaw off the ground I launched into the mandatory "That's a naughty word" admonishment. To which she replied "Oh, alright then." and walked on her merry way.

I can feel the grey hairs looming in my near future.

Dear So and So...Brace Yourselves

Dear Edinburgh and York,

The Bungalow Crew and Granny and PaPa will be visiting you during the Easter Holidays. Consider this fair warning.

Love, Kat

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Dear Thinking Slimmer,

I have lost nearly 5lbs since I have started listening to the SlimPods. It's amazing. I don't even feel like I am on a "diet". Which I guess I really am not on a "diet", I am just making better choices and listening to my body without thinking about it!

Love, Kat

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Dear Formerly Gingerbread Rogers Now Cheeto Bandito,

Are you angry because we thought you were a girl? You seem to have some anger issues. You have got to stop harassing Sam "Ninja" Kitty. He doesn't want to play as much as you. In fact, I am convinced that he hates you. The hissing and swatting at you is not a sign of endearment.

Love, Human Mama Kat

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Dear Body,

Get ready, we're gonna do some Zumba today on the Wii. Maybe some Just Dance 2 as well. I plan on making you really sweaty. It's for your own good!

Love, Kat

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Dear Readers,

I have had a brilliant week and I hope you have too. Enjoy your weekend. If you have your own letters please link up!

Love, Kat

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Boy Named Sue

So, we've had a bit of a SNAFU (in case you don't know what that means it is a US Marine acronym that means Situation Normal-All Effed Up) here at the bungalow. Apparently the kitten that my friend gave me under the pretense that she was a she is actually a he. We've had the kitten since November and yes, I *just* now realized that she is a he. In my defense it isn't exactly like I went poking and prodding down there to examine it's bits, I just took my friend at her word.

Let me set the scene for you- I'm sitting on the sofa in the living room watching my recorded episode of Got To Dance and I looked to the left towards my kitten who was standing up and facing away from me. In my head all of a sudden I was screaming "OMG does she have crown jewels?" and then simultaneously saying "surely not!" Then I got up and did an Internet search for "How to tell a boy cat from a girl cat" and found a youtube video and after watching it sat there shaking in a giggle fit. A boy cat named Gingerbread Rogers--classic.

I then posted about the SNAFU on Facebook...as one does in these situations. To which my dad left a comment asking if I was sure that he had two granddaughters. Very funny, Dad. Then I went to bed thinking about how I was going to explain this one to my kids in the morning.

Lucky for me my kids were only vaguely interested in the fact that their kitten was actually a boy. They were more interested in renaming him. So...Gingerbread Rogers is now Cheeto Bandito.

For the record, I would like to say that 10th grade biology classes apparently did not cover sexing kittens.

That Was Not OK--End Of.

I am not exactly sure how to write this blog post. I have started and deleted it five times already. If you are a friend of mine on Facebook you may have seen a status update that said:

"Let's get something clear. If you are going to say something nasty, racist, bigoted, slanderous, malicious, homophobic or hateful near me or around me or on one of my status updates go ahead and unfriend me now. I don't put up with that mess"

When I wrote that I was absolutely livid about a racist comment that was made on one of my status updates- the one where I said I was really craving Chinese food. I will let you drawn your own conclusions about what was said because I refuse to even entertain the idea of repeating it.

Here's the thing that really bothered me, it was said by a person that I barely know. She was a friend of a friend who I had met a couple of times. I was trying to help her out when she moved to my hometown. I don't know how she got it into her head that saying something like that to me was OK. It actually bothered me to the point that I was up until nearly 2am stewing it over in my brain.

Did she think it was OK because I am from the stereotypically southern USA? Did she think it was OK because I am a white female like her? Did she think it was OK because both of our husbands work in the same sort of job? Did she think it was OK because she used to know some of the same people I know. If she assumed it was because we know the same people, what does that say about those people? On and on I dwelled on all the reasons that she would think it was acceptable. It really really bothered me.

Here's what I came up with in the end. It is not OK. It is not OK for her to think for any reason that it is acceptable to assume that I am like her and would have found her comment amusing. If she had really known me, she would have known that I would find her comment absolutely disgusting. She would also have known that I don't believe in hate. I believe in love. I also believe in deleting horrible comments and nasty people from my life-- that includes my Facebook profile.

Dear So and So...Happy Birthday To ME!!

Dear People,

It's my birthday! You can leave gifts on that table over there.

Love, Kat

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Dear Readers,

You know what really stinks? Having to bake cupcakes on your birthday and you don't even get to eat them! Bloody school disco!!

Love, Kat

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Dear Guy Who Runs the Corner Store,

Thanks for the lovely birthday chocolates. I am glad you wife was standing there when you gave them to me or it might have been awkward. Just sayin'. I will try not to eat the lot in one go.

Thanks, Kat

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Dear Local Friends,

I love you lot. Seriously, you are the best friends ever. FB conversations with all of you are a hoot!

Love, Kat

PS- I really don't mind if we can't do girls night out on Sat. But SOON you hear me!

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Dear National Rail,

£580 for 4 adults and 2 children to Scotland in April? Really? I could get everyone to Spain for that and actually be warm. Yeah, I think we're driving.

Love, Kat

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Dear Mom and Dad,

Thanks for the camera tripod and quick release plate (for the tripod). It is exactly what I wanted and I can't wait to try it out!

Love, Kat

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Dear Readers,

I hope you have a lovely day. If you have letters of your own, don't forget to link up!

Love, Kat

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How Did This Happen?

I never realized how living here in England was going to effect my speech patterns. After being born in America and then living there until I was 27 I figured I was throughly American and I was quite happy with the slight southern twang in my accent. However after having lived here for three years I have found that I have picked up a bit of an English accent. It isn't very predominant. I certainly haven't got as bad as Madonna when she was married to Guy Richie. For the record when she used to do TV interviews I would stand and yell at her through the TV "YOU'RE FROM DETROIT!!!". I just didn't realize how easy it is to find your accent changing when you live here.

I first noticed it when I would say words that had and "ight" at the end of them; such as light. In fact my husband used to point it out and poke a bit of fun at me. I should also ad that my group of best friends here in England are from East London, Manchester, Wisbech, Surrey, and Essex. It is a muddled up little group and so has become my accent and speech patterns over the last three years. Where as my daughter La has a very posh "Queens English" accent (she reminds me of an American actor in a film doing a "proper" English accent), I have been known to say things like "ket-le" instead of kettle and "I nearly snapped me debit card". When did that happen? When did "me" replace "my" in my speech pattern? Mind you I am not complaining here, it's just a comical observation.

I admit, sometimes I purposely use words that are common to the UK instead of American words because it generally makes my life easier. Things can easily get lost in translation. It has even happened here on my blog. However, because of the composition of this area of Suffolk and the large population of Americans stationed here at the air bases, I don't normally have to use UK phrases usually to get my point across. So it just strikes me funny that I now think in an Cockney/Mancunian/Suffolk/Norfolk accent. And sometimes what I am thinking actually comes out of my mouth the way that I said it in my head, which then sends me into fits of giggles.

5 Tips For Not Losing Your Mind During Half Term

For some mother's half term is a blissful break from the school run where they can spend their days baking cookies with their children and basking in their maternal glory. For the rest of us it can and usually does turn into some sort of bad 1970's B horror film starring our children as the villains. My plot would include me shrieking in horror as my children of the corn overflow the bathroom sink with potions and bubbles....

Now because I have become an expert at thwarting my little monsters during half term I have decided to share my 5 tips for surviving half term nearly sane.

1. Have at least one activity that takes more than 15 minutes planned for each day. So far this week we have played on Club Penguin together and started researching a project for school that is due after half term. If you plan for doing something for 15 min with the kids most likely it will take at least and hour. That is one hour less for them to tornado your house.

2. Get the kids out of the house for a bit. This doesn't have to be expensive, just a trip down to the local park or to a friend's house for an hour is enough. Just let them not be cooped up. Remember just cold weather does not give kids colds.

3. Rent a movie. 2 hours of blissful peace. Unless your kids won't watch a movie. Then you need to think about trading your kids in for a new model or putting them on Freecycle. I kid of course...

4. Take a break for a bit. Seriously your kids are school aged, they should be able to find something not messy to occupy themselves for half an hour or so. Go enjoy a cup of tea or a couple chapters of a book; they can't make that much trouble on their own for a bit.

5. Do something silly with your kids. You would be amazed at how entertaining having a silly face contest with your kids can be. Doing something completely zany can break up the monotony of half term and make you less likely to completely lose your mind.

oh and wine. ;)