Friday, January 30, 2009

My Weird Kids

I am sure most parents think their kids have weird tendencies. My kids are no exception. First there is LaLa who is a sweet sensitive child. I can honestly say she has never hit another child. OK well she has hit KiKi, once, but only cause I told her to sock her back. Then there is KiKi, a kid that is so full of life and curiosity that you can just see it popping out of her. They are wonderful kids. Good Lord, they are so weird though.

1. If you give KiKi the choice between chocolate pudding or a pickle, she'll take the pickle nine times out of ten.

2. LaLa gives her stuffed animals names that nobody else can pronounce. Mrikyskalamana the bear. Sneriously.

3. KiKi won't let me help her do anything. She gets dressed on her own. She gets into her carseat on her own (I strap her in). She puts on her own shoes. She puts on her own jacket. LaLa wants me to help her do everything.

4. LaLa tells me random things that have nothing to do with our conversation mid-sentence. "and so and so was doing...did you know penguins live in Antartica?"

5. According to KiKi anything brown on the floor is poop.

6. Well you all know about LaLa's fashion sense.

Oh by the way..that is a stripped sweater, an Easter dress, and black school socks...and this is a mild fashion choice. I might even let her go out in public with this get up on...if she put a pair of jeans on under the dress, just so her legs don't get cold. I am not one to edit her clothing creativity.

7. These kids can sleep in any position. LaLa usually doesn't sleep with her head on pillows either. Sideways on the bed is always better apparently. Oh and kicking the sheets completely off my bed, yeah always. So in order for me to get in bed I have to remove her, and totally remake my bed. Joy.
--------------------------

Proof That LaLa is Turning into a Brit:

1. "One of the other children got into trouble for damaging a chair."
2. "KiKi will not help me tidy my room."
3. "It was brilliant!"

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Cooking for Real People- Easy Stromboli

For those of you who don't know what Stromboli is, I guess I should explain it. It is an Italian dish, sort of like a pizza that has been rolled up with no sauce. I guess it is similar to a Calzone as well, but it looks like a loaf of bread instead of a pocket. Now, you can add whatever toppings you like in the Stromboli, but we are carnivores around here and like our meat.

Cast of Characters:

1 Tube of Pillsbury French Loaf Dough
1 Package of thinly sliced ham (you won't use the whole thing)
1 Package of Peperoni (you won't use it all)
1 Tablespoon of Butter/Margarine
1 Cup Mozzarella Cheese

Step 1- Preheat Oven to 350 degrees F /180 degrees C. (these are things you need to know when you live in England.

Step 2. Find a baking sheet. I use a Pampered Chef Rectangle Stone.


Step 3. Open Dough and put it onto the stone. Find the seam and start unrolling it. Sometimes it gets a little stuck but just keep going. It doesn't have to be neat.

Step 4- Put a layer of ham on the dough. Don't put too much. One slice in the layer is plenty. You don't want to over do it.


Step 5- Put a layer of peperoni on top of the ham. Once again, don't over do it. I usually use deli sliced peperoni but I had to go with what I had on hand which was peperoni slices for pizza.


Step 6- Add a layer of Mozzarella cheese. I use about a cup.


Step 7- Roll the Stromboli up from the shorter side of the rectangle. You don't want to go length ways cause then you will have a super long funny looking Stromboli.

Step 8. Make sure the seam from where you have rolled the Stromboli is on the bottom of the roll. This helps it not fall apart or come unrolled when it is baking. Brush the top with melted butter. Don't skimp, this helps it get nice and brown.

Step 9. Bake for 25-30 min or until nice and golden brown.

Step 10. Slice and enjoy.


My kids love Stromboli. They call it inside out pizza. Oh and I just used toppings that I knew they would like. If it was up to me it would have Italian sausage, peppers, onions....you get the idea. Anyways it is super yummy and super easy. It is also a big hit at parties, so if you are going to any Super Bowl festivities it is a good food to bring along.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I have 50 Million Things to Do Today..

So I leave you with some comedic videos...so freakin true!

The Mom Song!


Mean Kitty Song!



The Dad Song!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Memo to KiKi

Dear KiKi,

The jig is up! I found that "news letter" from the "International Toddler Association". It was the one that had pointers on how to delay bedtime. Ha! I am on to you now! Just so you know I canceled your subscription to this "fraternal organization of toddlers in solidarity against the oppression of parental units". Where did you get the $34.95/per month membership fees from anyway?

From now on there will be no delaying bedtime. We will not be going back and forth about if you are hungry or not. "My hungry" is no longer a valid excuse. You ate dinner and had dessert, you are not hungry. "Mine juice" is no longer a valid excuse either. You have a sippy cup filled with water next to your bed for emergencies. Also there is no need for 15 different stuffed animals in your bed. You have a toddler sized bed, there is not room for you and half of your animal collection in the bed as well. You are now narrowed down to one baby doll and 2 stuffed animals of your choosing. I recommend "puppy" since he has been a constant companion for the last 4 months and "bear" who you have seemed to have developed a liking for recently as well. You will receive a potty break before bed. We will then put on a new diaper. Once this new diaper is on, unless there is a serious body waste emergency, you will not be granted leave from bed.

Nap time will now be strictly enforced. You will be in bed by 13:00 and will have an hour and a half to complete your nap. While this is a reduction in allotted nap time I am sure it will be more conducive to your sleeping needs.

Consequences for non compliance are the following: forfeiture of cuddly animals, earlier bedtimes, and revocation of dessert. Complaints may be made known to me in person or in writing. However, due to the dark circles under my eyes and snippy disposition you may want to forgo the right to complaint and comply with the new rules and standards.

Hugs and Kisses,
Mommy

(Maternal Managerial Unit)

Monday, January 26, 2009

Things That Made Me Laugh in The Past 24 hours

A short list of things that made me laugh in the past 24 hours.

1. LaLa's fashion sense. A dance tutu, red tights, white frilly socks, black tippy tap shoes, a long sleeved t-shirt and a belt (ya know, to tie it all together).

2. LaLa's excuse for not cleaning up. "My legs hurt from playing too much."

3. KiKi's excuses for not going to sleep "My hungry." "T.V.?" "My wake up!!" (kinda hard to wake up if you haven't been to sleep yet kiddo)

4. Laying in bed with KiKi to get her to sleep and she pulls my face to hers giggles then rubs her nose on my nose.

5. Waking LaLa up and having her say "Mom, my eyes hurt! How can I open them?"

6. LaLa's class is celebrating Chinese New Year and they had red lanterns hung from the ceiling in her class and LaLa said "Look Mom it's Chinese Restaruant!!"

Saturday, January 24, 2009

My Knocked Up Dog

Upon recalculating the date of when she actually got got by Jack Jack (aka K-Fed), I have determined that Elizabeast (aka Britney) will be having puppies within the next 2 weeks. I had originally thought that she was assaulted humped impregnated before Thanksgiving. Then Domino pointed out that it happened right before I moved into my new house, which was Dec 5th. So we think it happened around Dec 2nd or 3rd. Elizabeth is now all fat and nippley (is that a word? Well it is now.) I think I actually felt a puppy move inside her tummy yesterday. It is kinda hard to tell because she won't lay still for me to get a good feel of her belly. She is also having trouble getting her fat bootay into my house because I have a pretty large step up into my house. I have to say she is also extra lovey dovey. When I lay down on the bed she gets in bed with me and tries to snuggle as close as possible.

While the timing of this pregnancy is kinda inconvenient I am starting to get a bit excited. Domino and I decided that we would let Elizabeth whelp her puppies at Domino's house because Domino has dealt with birthing puppies (Miss Scarlett I ain't never birthed no babies!!) before and I am a greenhorn when it comes to all this stuff. Although, it does kinda feel like I am about to send her off to a home for unwed mothers. It is a little more convenient in the long run because my parents will be here at the end of February. I don't know if I could deal with puppies in the house as well as my parents. Not that my parents are an inconvenience at all, just having puppies here would put us down one bathroom. 6 people and only one bathroom, not happening.

Once the puppies are born expect lots of pictures of the little buggars!

Friday, January 23, 2009

TV Bloopers...cause my mind is mush today

Edit: Plus my dog took a crap in my laundry room (which she never does) and KiKi took off her diaper and pissed on my living room floor. This day is turning out effin fantastic!

Edit #2: I just went and snuggled up with my cat and petted his belly (which he only allows me to do when he is sleeping). I feel better now because apparently cat bellies have super powerful soothing agents. We must get scientists to look into this phenomenon.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Inauguration-British Coverage

Admittedly I am not the biggest Barak Obama fan in the pile although I wish him the best of luck. I don't want him to fail, seriously. If he fails, then my country fails...and who in their right mind would want that. Of course I couldn't help but notice the smiles on George W Bush and Laura Bush's faces. Some people thought they were hopped up on happy pills, my take was they were saying "OK Hot Shot, this mess is allllll yours now", but I digress.

Now here in England I had 4 choices of what channel to watch the inauguration on. I could go with the BBC, Sky News, CNN International, or FoxNews International. For the actual swearing in ceremony I went with FoxNews, then for the post game wrap up and parade I went with the BBC. Reason being CNN International is crap, half of the time they don't even have American news on and their commercials suck (yes, their commercials suck and that is a perfectly valid reason not to watch their coverage). FoxNews had the standard coverage that Americans are used to, nothing spectacular.

Now the Brits! I thought Americans were excited for change but wow...I think the anchors and reporters were more excited than the people they were interviewing. On the radio earlier in the day, about noon, the radio disc jockey on BBC Radio 1 was just excited. It seems that Obama mania has swept this country. The only thing that bothered me was the focus on President Obama's race. It seemed like they were calling out America for being a racist country, when in reality the UK has their own racial problems, just like America. Just take a look at the recent debacle that Prince Harry stirred up here. It was almost to say that President Obama got elected because of his race or dispite of his race and really I don't know which is more offensive. I know if I was President Obama, I would want to know that I got elected because of my merrits. On the other hand, excited Brits are fun to watch, considering it is hard to enough to get a British newscaster excited about anything. They are usually extremely pulled together and seem emotionless. Think, 1950's newscasters in America with their dry delivery of the news, and strictly the news. No commentary. The coverage of the inauguration was the antithesis of that. They were animated and describing a couple of blips that had happened in DC such as the people not knowing how to get off the mall once the swearing in was over due to roads being closed. They fawned over Sasha and Malia. They adored Mrs. Obama. It was an international love fest for the first family.

Though I was slightly offended at some points, I am glad however that the world is excited about my country's new leader. I hope it will bring a change in the way that international politics are played. I hope that more of the world will be more with us as opposed to the laxidasical semi-support that it receives now. I also hope that President Obama can live up to the high expectations that the world is placing on his shoulders. Sometimes, Mr. President, you get what you ask for. I just hope you can accomplish all you have promised. Oh and it is funny to hear Brits say Barak Obama. Oh and Oprah is crazy. Just sayin.

Oh this is also a very interesting clip from the BBC featuring predictions of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Sneaking In

Preface: My husband and I were sitting around one night, fooling around (not that kind of fooling around you pervs) and talking about dumb things that we did as teenagers. You would have thought my husband had been a drama geek in high school based on the following scenario that he preformed for me that night. Keep in mind that I gave all the characters their names because my husband used the names of some of our friends in the acting out of this little production, but also that I don’t condone underage drinking…well now, that I am a grown up… and a parent. I mean really is it a surprise to all of you guys that I used to raise a bit of hell in high school? Probably not. So here is The Man’s take on a group of drunk teens trying to sneak back into one of their houses. He portrayed the role of Joe. I was sitting on the couch laughing my butt off and he used me as a prop or extra cast mate (I am supposed to be Kelsey).

Cast-

Main Character-Joe (Drunk)
Friend #1- Craig (Drunk)
Friend #2- Marcus (Sober)
Friend #3- Evan (Drunk)
Friend #4- Kelsey (Drunk)

Scene- Quiet suburban street. Joe and his friends walking home from a party, They are kind of loud and joking with each other until they reach Joe’s house. Then Joe gets quiet and starts speaking in a loud whisper. You know the kind of whisper you use when you are drunk but you are trying to be sneaky.

Joe- “Aye Aye! I got a plan. I think I can get to my cell phone that my mom confiscated earlier, but we got to sneak in.” Joe shoots looks at all the others in the group.

(Giggling)

Joe gives Kelsey the evil eye.

Joe- “Shhhh. I’m serious guys. You know my mom stays up late, so we got to be really quiet. Hush Craig. I am talking here. I got a plan. Now here’s the plan,”

Joe drunkenly sways and makes some karate like movements to emphasis his point.

Joe-“Ok now..Marcus, your sober right? “ Joe Point at Marcus and sways a bit then catches his balance.

Joe-“Ok well you need to go sit in the truck, cause you are going to be our get away driver. What you don’t have a license? Crap.” Joe smacks his forehead in frustration. “Ok, well it looks like we are going to have to make our get away on foot. Shut up Evan! Geez, you guys I am trying to be quiet here. Do you want to get caught. You know my mom will call all your parents. Ok? Ok. Now what we have to do is make some sort of distraction. I am 85%, no wait, 90.9999999% positive that my mom is upstairs watching TV in the family room. So what we are going to have to do is sneak around back. Not yet Evan! Crap sorry guys, that was a little loud. Ok, so we need to sneak onto the back porch.”

(Giggling)

Joe shoots Kelsey the Evil eye once again.

Joe-“Hush Kelsey, or you can go sit in the truck. Gawd. You guys are going to get us caught. Now my cell phone is in my mom’s dresser. Yes I know it is there Marcus. I saw her put it there when I got in trouble earlier. Top right drawer. Or was it the second drawer. Anyways , it is in her dresser. Aye! Shut up, it is there I swear!”

Joe makes a wide sweeping gesture and puts his hand over his heart like he is being extremely solemn.

(More giggling)

Joe shoots Kelsey death daggers of hatred looks because she is interrupting his instructions once again.

Joe-“Kelsey go wait over there next to the truck. There is no way I am going to let your drunk ass get me in MORE trouble. Marcus go wait with her and make sure she doesn’t wander off alright. As I was saying…sneak onto porch. Then we need to take our shoes off so she won’t hear us. Remember, my dad is asleep in the bedroom where the phone is too. So we need to be really really, really really really quiet. Evan! Put your shoes back on. Geez you are gonna get your socks dirty and get it on my mom’s carpet. Yeah like then she won’t notice that we have been here, ya know, cause she won’t see big old foot prints on her white carpet. OK, back porch, shoes off…ok then we are gonna belly crawl to my parents room. It is important that we are quiet. Then I will open the door to my parents room. Then Craig, ok how drunk are you? Not too bad? Alright well then you belly crawl to my mom’s dresser…first one on the left. Go to the first drawer on the right side and my cell phone should be in there. What about the dog? Crap I forgot about the dog. Alright change of plan. You guys get Marcus to walk everyone home. There is no getting past that damn dog. He will wake the whole house up as soon as he hears the back door open. No I am sure that I will probably get in trouble. Crap. How drunk do I look? No, seriously. Do you think I can act sober. Alright let me practice. Hi mom, nope we were just playing video games. Drinking? Who me? Guys where are you going? Some friends you are. I hope you all get caught. Crap. Alright might as well get this over with.

Joe stumbles inside.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Inauguration Day

The day is upon us. The changing of the guard so to speak. Mr. Obama will become Mr. President. I always knew that we would have a black president in my lifetime, as opposed to those who believed it would never happen. I didn't see any reason that it wouldn't happen. I am glad that I was right. While I might not agree with his policies, I admire him as a man. I sincerely hope that we come together as Americans and support our new President. We are living through tough times and the last thing we need is a country polarized by partisan politics. We need to put aside the last two years of campaigning and dividing and come up with real solutions to our countries problems. I just hope we can focus on the issues and not name calling and mud slinging. So on this historic day I would like to say "Good luck, President Obama. I may not support some of your policies but I respect the office that you hold and you as person. I hope that you do what is best for America. God Bless you on your noble endevor."

Monday, January 19, 2009

Feet Fight!

My brother and I had this thing we used to do when we were kids that was called "Feet Fighting". It is played by laying on the couch and pressing your feet against the other person's feet who is also laying on the couch. You count off 3,2,1, and then you try to wrestle your opponent into submission using your feet...which would be when they have their knees up to their chin and you have your legs completely straight. My brother and I used to be able to keep ourselves occupied for quite a while playing this game. Now I have passed it down to KiKi.
"Alright KiKi! 3,2,1, FEET FIGHT!!!"

Oh and look what I have parked in my backyard!


Click on Pic for the full effect

I think it is a c-5 Galaxy. Which in case you guys didn't know is one of the largest military aircraft. This sucker is huge. Captain Dumbass your kids would have a blast here watching all the aircraft. I have everything from fighters to cargo aircraft all around me. It is funny, LaLa, knew what an airplane and helicopter were before she knew what a fire truck was. Just a byproduct of the environment.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

New Layout

Hey everyone! Like my new layout? My friend Badassgeek, designed it for me. Isn't it wonderful? I take no credit for it. I just gave him a general idea and he ran for it and delivered more than I ever expected. If you want a redesign of you page, I totally recommend him for the job. If you would like to check out more of his work, check out his website design page.

On a more somber note, I received word last night that my uncle's (Auntie A's husband) nephew died in a car accident. I don't have any details of exactly what happened because my mother had just found out herself when she called me. He was 23 years old and had just graduated from Clemson University. Please keep his family in your thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Return of the Saturday Morning Mix! (Youtube Edition)

Ok I am on a bit of a Girls Aloud kick. If you have never heard of them, they are a Brit pop group. I had never heard of them before I moved here, but they are everywhere here. One of the members, Cheryl is a judge on the British version of American Idol, which is called The X Factor here. I am still wondering why they haven't broke out in the US.







Just so my street cred is still in tact I am gonna add a little Metallica into the mix..LOL

Friday, January 16, 2009

AHEM!

Ahem! Attention please. Just a few things I need to get off my chest.

-Don't drop your kid off at school looking like a hooker. 4 inch heeled hooker boots, fish net stockings, and a mini skirt so short I can almost see your butt cheeks are not something I want to look at first thing in the morning.

-When driving please stay on your side of the road and don't try to take your half out of the middle. I have a fairly large SUV and will take your shoe on wheels out. I promise you that.

-When you are parking your 4 cars outside your house, make sure I have enough room to get one of my two cars out of my driveway.

-Taking up two parking spaces. Unacceptable. Back up and try again.

That is all. Carry on. It was a rough morning ya'll.

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Awarded!! I got an award from Honeywine! It is called the Honest Scrap award and I have to tell you 10 honest things about myself.

1. I hate mustard.

2. I hate chunky peanut butter. I accidentally bought chunky last time and now I am stuck eating it til it is gone cause I refuse to be wasteful.

3. I wish I had a UK spec'd car.

4. I don't always think I am an awesome mom, but I try really hard.

5. I like it when my husband works overnight because I get the whole bed to myself.

6. Sometimes I have to take a sleeping pill like Simply Sleep to get to sleep quickly if my husband isn't home because I start hearing weird noises in the house that I know logically are nothing, but in my head they are ghosts.

7. I believe in ghosts.

8. My mom is my best friend. Even when she pisses me off. Thankfully more often than not she doesn't piss me off. Oh and I need to find that picture of her at her high school reunion and post it cause it is hilarious. 1989 was not a good year for fashion my friends.

9. If I don't know if something is gonna piss of my mom or not, I call my dad and run it by him at work.

10. If I don't know if something is gonna piss of my parents in general, I call my brother and run it by him. The last time I did this is when I found out I was pregnant with LaLa. He told me to wait until I had moved to Missouri before I told my mom cause she couldn't kill me from long distance.

Now I got to tag some people!

Jess at This Life is Mine
Lola at Sassy Mama Says.
Michael at The BadassGeek
Cape Cod Gal at Diamond in the Rough

All these people are incredibly great and brutally honest. Take some time to check them out.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Takin it to a Whole Nother Level...

In a social setting there are all kinds of different people. You have the quiet people, the social butterflies, the socially awkward, the confident, and then you have the ones who are just annoying. Sometimes you can't place your finger on why someone is annoying. Then sometimes you have that moment of clarity when you figure out why you can't stand to have a conversation with someone. Now, I am telling you this for a reason. I recently had this moment of clarity.

There is this woman who has a daughter in the same class as my daughter. While she is nice enough, she is a little socially awkward, which I am fine with, but then there was just something else about her that just irritated me about her and I couldn't figure out why. I was wracking my brain and replaying the scenes of my conversations with her for the last week and a half trying to figure out why I didn't like her. I have this overwhelming compulsion to try to like everyone. It really bothers me when I can't figure out why I don't like someone. Then lastnight after about an hour of thinking on the subject, I had my moment of clarity. She is an interrupter, one upper, close talker. She is the pinnacle of the annoying conversationists.

The scene: Standing outside my daughters classroom waiting for school to dismiss and talking to another mother from the class.

The conversation we were having was just general mommy stuff. I was saying something about not getting much sleep because KiKi was not sleeping through the night very well and is ending up in my bed by 4 am every night. From behind me I hear: "Oh you think that's bad..." (Interuption), she then cuts between the lady I am talking to and myself gets into my bubble of personal space (close talking) and then continues "well my daughter didn't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time and cried constantly until she was two years old" (one upper).

Holy hand granades lady! I wasn't even talking to you. You were behind me, not even a participant in the conversation. It wasn't like I was talking loudly, broadcasting my bitches and moans to all the parents of the student body. I was just having a chat with another mom. Why are you insistant upon entering the conversation? I am not a snooty person. I am more than willing to let you join in the conversation, but approaching from the front of where we are standing and at least saying "Hi" would be a nice start. Evesdropping and then inserting your opionion is not really a thing that I am fond of. It is rude.

Now I just need to figure out how to deal with this woman for the rest of the year. I refuse to be mean, it just isn't in my nature when dealing with other parents. I guess I can just try to bite my tounge and deal with it, but it is going to be difficult.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Comfort

I may have mentioned this before, but the only thing that separates my backyard (garden) from the Air Force base that I live next to is a road and a fence. The aircraft take off and land practically in my backyard. To most this would be a nuisance, but to me, it is a comforting sound. I like to sit in KiKi's room while she is falling asleep, close my eyes and listen to the low hum of an aircraft engine. It is almost like having a white noise machine. Yeah, it can be loud at times like when I am on the phone outside, but it to me is a piece of home. I have a piece of home right across the street. I also have double glazing on my windows so I don't hear much inside the house other than the low hum of engines occasionally.

To me an Air Force base has become home. No matter where you go most bases look generally the same. The all the BXs look the same. All the Commissaries have the same signs. The buildings are all brick or tan. Decor is of course limited. Everything is about function not form. Genericville, USA. Consistency however brings comfort. Little bits of the ordinary. Comfort. A sense of belonging. Comfort. Sounds of gunfire from the practice range. Comfort. The sound of aircraft taking off and landing. Comfort.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Anger- Sometimes It Gets the Best of Us

I broke my number one resolution last night. I yelled at LaLa. I had been doing really well with this. It was my top priority. Last night was just one of those nights. The Man has been on a crap shift for the last couple of weeks, and while that is no excuse, it has left me tired and irritable. He only gets to see LaLa on the weekends basically because he is still sleeping when she gets up for school and he doesn't return from work until after she is in bed. This is taxing on LaLa and she tends to act up when she is out of sorts about these things. When he was in Guam she is a mess for weeks until we (I) got her into a solid routine. Needless to say between starting a new school and not having her dad around, things have been a little difficult for the kiddo.

Last night after an hour of asking her to clean her room, I had had enough. Looking back at it now, time out would have worked to fix the situation. Instead, I yelled. It did absolutely no good, the room still isn't clean. I made her go to bed and told her we would deal with it today. I was just too irrate to deal with it at the time.

Today, when she gets home, we are going to try this again. No anger. We are going to get the room clean, eat our dinner, take our baths, and have a little peace in this house. No yelling. Yelling just makes the situation louder, not better. And so help me God if she isn't compliant, her butt is going in time out.

Last time she fell asleep in time out

Reinventing Dad did an Interview Meme over at his place. I asked him the questions and he took the time to answer. Go check it out.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Discombobulation

I am not really thinking too clearly today so you are gonna get an odds and ends post. A little bit of this and a sprinkle of that and little stirring and hope it turns into a post. Man it really is a Monday morning. I should not have stayed up til 1am watching the Pittsburgh/San Diego game. It was entertaining though. So here is going on at my place:

1. Elizabeast is pregnant. I spoke too soon last week. My little tramp is going to be puppyfied. 2 days ago I was looking at her and noticed that her nipples had gotten swollen and her little puppy boobs were starting to fatten up. Her belly also seems to have swollen over night. So if anyone knows anyone in England who would like a full blooded Cocker Spaniel puppy, let me know. The puppies should arrive in the next two weeks if I am calculating right.

2. I need to find more trousers for LaLa. I think I am going to give up on finding black and go with grey, it seems like everyone else at the school ignores the uniform and wears grey bottoms as opposed to the "required" black pants/skirt.

3. Last night was just not my night. Have you ever felt like God was just playing constant tricks on you to see how far He could push it before you lost your mind? I couldn't find LaLa's uniform trousers, when I did find them I realized that they had not been washed and were covered in cat/dog hair, there wasn't time to wash them, I couldn't find the lint roller, I then couldn't find some packing tape to substitute for a lint roller, when I did find the packing tape I couldn't remember where I had sat LaLa's trousers down at, then I went into a tizzy after I had sorted the trousers because my kitchen looked like an atomic bomb had gone off in it. By the time I had the kids in the bed and got some of the house picked up I was reaching apocalyptic levels of stress and was about to blow a gasket. In the end I just had to laugh because, it was my fault that nothing was going right, because my house is a disorganized mess and I have nobody to blame for that but myself*.

4. I thought my husband was going to physically grow into the couch yesterday while he was watching TV. I am also convinced the only reason he switched his head from one end of the couch to the other was to keep the indentation of his body even in the couch, we wouldn't want one side to sag more than the other. At least he keeps it amusing though. Like when he goes to move the remote and it somehow ends up above his head, he fumbles it, it almost knocks him in the face and he ends up batting it across the room. Hysterical. I laughed for a good 5 min at him. I imagine someone wildly flailing their arms above their head and then a remote shooting out across the room. I think I am still laughing in my head.

So that is what is going on in the land of Kat. Pregnant dog, can't find trousers still, mini melt down, and lazy husband who may or may have not left a permanent indentation in my sofa. I need a damn vacation.

*And the kids that can tear up a room in 5.3 seconds flat and the husband who leaves things laying around...but I am not saying anything

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Just Sayin'...

Now I am not going to say my neighbor is insane, but it is 25 degrees Fahrenheit outside (that is -3 Celsius to everyone not in America) and he is outside washing his cars. I'm just sayin'. For the record he is American too (retired Air Force I believe).

I also Meme'd Jess over at This Life is Mine. She is hilarious and lives 2 hours away from my hometown down in Savannah, Ga. Go check out the answers she gave to my questions!

ChruchPunkMom also got in on the Meme action go check out her answers to my superduper hard questions!

Friday, January 9, 2009

The Hardest MeMe Ever!

This is a Meme that Jim over at Irregularly Periodic Ruminations tagged me for. I must say it is a daunting list of interview questions! I however am going to tackle this list of interview questions like Lawrence Taylor did Joe Theisman. Yes I am gonna break it's leg! Oh don't watch that video if you are squeamish. Seriously you can hear Joe's leg break. Ok, back on topic! The Meme. See I am procrastinating right now, because the first question alone has me really thinking hard. Ok I guess I have wasted enough space up here, time to get to the questions.

What is the bravest thing that you feel you've ever done? Physically, emotionally, or whatever.

I think the bravest thing I have ever done was leaving school to move to Texas when I was 21. My husband was in tech school for the Air Force in Witchita Falls, Texas for 6 months. After he had been there for about 2 months, my parents and granny loaded all my stuff into two cars and we headed from Charleston, SC to Texas. Now it wasn't exactly the move itself that took the bravery, it was the fact that it was the first time that I would live a significant distance away from my family. To say that I depend on my family a lot for emotional support would be a gross understatement. My family is my world. They are my rock. They are my sanity when the rest of my world is insane. Leaving that comfort zone (against my mother's wishes) was the bravest thing I ever did. Since then I have moved even further from home, but without that first step I would have never had any of the adventures that I have had.

What one talent do you wish you had that you don't?

I wish I could sing. I reeeeally wish I could sing. In my head I am the best singer ever. In reality I probably sound like a frog trying to be a bird.

We all have our reasons for blogging but what would be your ultimate goal for your blog or as a blogger?

The ultimate goal I have for my blog is for me to have an outlet for me to put all the pent up mental energy into. The comments mean the world to me, but ultimately I write for myself. Sure, I think about what readers might want to read about, but if I don't like what I am putting onto the computer screen, I don't publish it.

You can trade lives with any one person for a month. Who would it be and why?

If I could trade lives with one person for a month it would have to be Tony Bourdain. Ok, I don't want his body but I want his mad skills and travel opportunities. I mean he is a tall lanky semi unattractive 50-somthing year old guy, but the man can cook, he travels all over the world, and he gets to have the most awesome experiences that I have ever seen. If you have not checked out his show on the Travel Channel called "No Reservations" I highly recommend it. I also want to be able to steal his wicked wit and sense of humor.

There's a fire and your family is safe but you have the chance to save any one item from your house. What would it be and why?

If I got to save one item from my house it would be a painting that I have hanging over my fireplace. It is called "Tara" and it is by Jim Booth who is an artist from my hometown. When the sqeual to Gone With the Wind called Scarlett was filmed in Charleston, Jim went out to the movie studio's facade of the plantation house they had built on Johns Island, SC and painted it. It is a beautiful piece of artwork. This was also a very special Christmas present from my Granny.

You have the chance to go back in time and warn yourself before making a bad choice. What choice would it be and what would you tell yourself?

I would warn myself to never ever ever ever ever get a credit card. I hate being in debt. I know that most Americans are in debt, but seriously, I have little to show for the credit card debt. I have an education to show for my student loans but I have loads of CRAP thanks to credit cards. I seriously would kick my own ass.

Ok now whoever would like me to ask them some questions (not the ones above), leave a comment that says something along the lines of interview me, send me some questions, or whatnot. I will try to get something sent to you as quickly as I can!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

First Day of School

LaLa started school this morning. I think the morning went alright. When I woke her up she told me "my eyeballs hurt", which I think means she was still sleepy. I guess that is what happens when you have to get up at 8am and you are used to sleeping until 10am. I got her dressed in her little uniform, fed her some breakfast, and talked up the new school. Then out the door to the new school.

When I left the school after dropping her off, I felt this lump come up in my throat. Half of it was because I was excited for her, but I was also so scared for her. She had the best teacher back in Missouri and I was so worried that she would not fit into the British school environment. They tend to be a lot more strict here than they were in the states and they also have a completely different teaching style. Kids are given a lot more personal responsibility at a younger age and are expected to act accordingly, with manners and respect. LaLa has a hard time with these things constantly. I am terrified of a tough transition. She is also a picky eater, so I am having to pack her lunches. For example on today's menu was veggie quiche or pot roast with veggies. Yeah good luck getting La to eat either of those things.

Well I picked her up from school and she was beaming. She had a fabulous time. From what I could get out of her, they painted, and did drawing and she is friends with everyone. She is such a lover. With The Man working a crazy shift, he only got to see her a few minutes this morning so I emailed him some pictures of her from when she got back from school with her new school issued "Jumper" on. Jumper is just an English word for a sweatshirt or sweater. I must say, she is entirely too cute in her uniform.
We capped off the day (ha! it is still only 6:30pm here) with a visit to the Kebab Shop in town. It has the OMGtheyaresofreakingood best chicken kebabs in the history of kebabs. I am convinced of it. Oh and their take out menu makes me laugh because it says "We probably serve the best, and most delicious and tradtional Turkish kebab in the area since 1993" Probably? Don't have much confidence do we?
Anyways, if you have never had Turkish kebabs this is what they look like (in a take out container post drive home). First at the bottom we have pita bread, then seasoned marinated chicken breast that was *dun dun dun* cooked over coals on a kebab, the lettuce, tomato, cucumbers, and then this awesome yummy creamy garlic sauce. I think I just made myself hungry again. It is heaven in styrofoam.

Oh I wanted to include an English to British language translation guide here too. Here are some of the ones I use the most here.
Trolly-shopping cart or luggage cart
roundabout- traffic circle
anti-clockwise = counter clockwise
cheers- good bye thank you
quid- britsh pound (money)
to get something sorted-is getting a problem fixed

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

It Amazes Me

I don't know what it is but KiKi has this amazing ability to absolutely never put her hands out in front of her when she falls. Trip, fall, face plant on the ground. One of these days you would think that she would eventually get her hands out in front of her to break her fall. Of all the injuries she has had I bet about 85% of them have been her busting her lip. So today when we got back from buying a little run around car (read beater) for The Man to drive back and forth to work, I shouldn't have been surprised when the first thing KiKi does is slip on the ice in the driveway and face plant on the cement. Blood coming from her lip she starts crying, but instead of whining about her lip, the first thing she says to me is "Hungry". Glad your OK kid and that a ham and cheese sandwich can fix all your problems.

As for the run around car, we just got a little Fiat. Or as I like to call them Fix It Again Tony. Bought it for 500 pounds or $745. Runs good, only minor body dinks and the radio isn't tuning in right (I figure The Man can sing to himself). We needed a second car because of the crazy shifts he is working and I can't be carless with LaLa in school. Although the school is within walking distance (about half a mile), it is freezing outside and it would not be a fun walk with KiKi in tow. I am sure we would have many more busted lips if we had to walk to school all winter.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I Made it! Alive Even!!

After I signed LaLa up at the local primary school this morning, I had to go shopping to buy her a uniform. Black trousers, white shirt, black patent leather shoes, and black socks. A jumper is going to be bought tomorrow at school. I checked The Factory Shop over in the local town for uniform clothes, but they were sold out. I did score her shoes and socks there, but there were no trousers or shirts. Great.

Well you know what that means! Kat had to brave the crazy streets of England and drive about 20 miles to Bury St. Edmonds. Fun times! My mission: Trousers. My destination: Tesco. My weapons: Jeep Compass and Garmin GPS.

I made my way out of Mildenhall to the roundabout dubbed "The 5 Ways" *cue suspense music*, my first obstacle. This is not just a regular roundabout, it is a roundabout with 5 exits. The Garmin yells at me to "take the 4th exit." I take the 4th exit, pray I didn't cut anyone off and proceed as directed. 8 miles later. Double mini roundabout. Right turn right turn. Ok I think I did that well enough! I just may have the hang of this. Next round about take first exit. Well that is easy. What the...holy crap I am getting on the motorway! Crap. Alright Kat, we can do this, just stay in the slow lane. Ok which is the slow land? Left lane! Alright Kat, just stay in the left lane. "Exit in 1.8 miles." Breath Kat, breath. "Take exit then 3rd exit on roundabout." Hey I just saw the Tesco sign! We just might make it! "Take the 3rd exit on roundabout!" Oh I see the parking lot! We made it! Alright kids, you can quit clutching your car seats for dear life. No you can not use the language that you heard coming out of my mouth. Please pretend that mommy did not say that word.

Ok, Trousers. Need to find some trousers. Oh wait, need to get a trolly first. LaLa you need to keep up child or you are going to get left behind. Are you kidding me LaLa? You have to potty now? Great lets go find a toilet. Wow at least the toilets are near the kids clothing section. These Tesco people were actually thinking when they designed this store. They know that kids always have to wee when they are clothes shopping. Ok, trousers. Grey, grey, grey, black! Size 3, 8, 12, 6. No five? Well I guess the 6 is going to have to do. We are going to have to hem them tonight. Do I need anything else while I am here? Oh yes, powder bleach and limescale tablets. Ok, time to go.

Girls are you ready for the drive home*?

* I can neither confirm or deny that I may have cut someone off on the way home. I think they were trying to follow me home but I lost them somewhere in Mildenhall. Thank goodness. But I did give them "the wave" so it might have just been my imagination.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Ya Know...

I hope this post doesn't alienate any readers Conservative or Liberal. I just feel the need to get my feelings out on the subject. I respect all my readers views and am open to discussion. However, do not bash other readers or I will remove the comment (wow that is the first time I have even threatened that). I hope I never have to do that, I mean, we are all adults here.

I don't normally get political on my blog. Some of you know I am a conservative, others of you are new to the block, so let me just get it on out there, I'm a conservative. Lets get this straight though, I am not one of those gun toting, closed minded, my way or the highway conservatives. I for one have never had a gun, but I support your right (if you are an American in America) to own one. I listen to other sides of debates and I understand circumstance determine the right course of action, mine just might error on the side of a conservative solution.

I also don't hate Democrats. Some of my closest friends are Democrats. While I don't agree with their political philosophy, I don't judge them on the political party that they choose to support. How idiotic would that be. It would be like alienating half of the USA just because they like the color blue. What good does that do in the long run? I also don't hate Obama (I would have preferred McCain), I just hope he does the best job he can and I also recognize that he is walking into a gigantic mess when he takes the oath of office. I am also glad that I will be living in England for the next 4 years and can cover my eye and ears and *lalalalalalalalaala* ignore it from afar.

In the end, I think it is best for all Americans to get to know personalities before they start hurling politically charged questions at each other. It is kind of hard to have a proper conversation with a person of another point of view if the volume level is at 10, talking points are being spewed, and mutual respect is not shown. Of course you should stand up for your ideals, but also have the patience to listen to other arguments. You never know when you may be humbled by the insights of another or your point of view may reach another.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

A Sigh Of Relief

When I first got here, Elizabeth, my dog was living with Domino and her family until we had a house because the hotel on base was not pet friendly. Domino also has another Cocker Spaniel named Jack Jack. He is a cute little guy. Elizabeth and Jack are old friends because Elizabeth used to be Domino's dog as well. Anyways, to the story. We are now letting out a collective sigh of relief because Elizabeth is NOT pregnant.

Domino called me when we were living at the base hotel and told me that there was a good chance that I was going to be a Grandmother. To which I was completely shocked because A) I am way too young for all that mess and B) My girls are only 5 years old and 2 years old, it is an impossibility. She then clarified and told me that Jack Jack had apparently played K-fed to Elizabeth's Britney.

Elizabeth had gone into heat a few days after she arrived at Domino's house and while we had been extra careful to not let them "hook up" we were foiled by Elizabeth's triflin' ways. She had a diaper like thing on her, so that A) she wouldn't get her nastiness everywhere and B) so that Jack Jack couldn't get her. Well the brazen hussy somehow managed to rub against every surface possible and slide that diaper off while nobody was looking. Sometime that evening, Domino's 9 year old girl came running downstairs and informed her that "The dogs are stuck together on my bed". Ewwww.

It has now been over a month and Elizabeth has not got any bigger. I feel safe to say that she is most likely NOT pregnant. Thank God! Although it might have been great blog fodder if she had been, this is not a good time to add puppies into the mix of the chaos that is the bunglow.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Open Letter to All Prespective Military Wives/Girlfriends/Significant Others

Dear All Perspective Military Wives/Girlfriends/Significant Others,

Too often I hear complaints from current military spouses about the nature of being a military spouse. It is such things as we don't make enough money, they are gone all the time, he likes his job more than he likes me...yadda yadda yadda. I just want to take the time to warn all wives of perspective troops about the nature of the beast that is being a military spouse. I think this will also educate civilians about the military lifestyle in general. I am also going to give a little advise at the end to help those who do decide that the military life is worth the sacrifice.

1. Be prepared to be the 2nd priority in your spouses life. The military, no matter what branch, will always be number 1.
2. You will be uprooted and moved. That is just the way it is. Make friends then leave. Thank goodness for email.
3. Long hours. It is normal for military personnel to put in 12 hour shifts. It is also normal for them to have weekend duty. The best way to combat the loneliness is to make some friends.
4. We don't get paid enough. Yeah we don't. Learn to budget. Do you really NEED that new Wii or would you rather your kids eat for 2 weeks?
5. In all likelihood your spouse WILL be deployed at some point. Whether this is a TDY (temp duty), an actual deployment or some other special duty, there are times that they will be away.
6. Due to deployments your spouse will miss holidays and birthdays.
7. There is a good chance your spouse will go to the desert, get sent downrange, or whatever you want to call it.
8. Due to duty hours, your spouse may miss events at the house such as birthday parties.
9. If your spouse goes downrange there is a good chance that they could be shot at.
10. Shit rolls downhill and sometimes uphill. Chain of command. High rank dumps on low rank. Low rank does something stupid and gets high rank in trouble with higher rank.
11. Spouses at one time or another will work a crappy shift, ie 3pm-11pm or 11pm-7am.
12. Your spouse may not be able to tell you what happened at work.
13. Your spouse may be in a bad mood and not be able to tell you why.

How to deal with these obstacles:
1. Make friends. When you arrive at your new duty station, don't sit in your house all day and be woe is me, I don't have any friends. Go to the functions that the Squadron, Unit, whatevers wives have going on. Not only is it an excuse to get out of the house, but you will meet women with similar issues as yourself.
2. Go with the flow. When hubby comes home on Friday and says "I have to work all weekend", thus ruining your "plans" take it in stride and make alternate plans that do not involve the hubby, even if it is just taking the kids out to the park or indoor play area, heck, you might even make new friends while your out.
3. Don't go shopping at the Commissary on a Friday or a payday. You will be rushed and crowded because of the sheer amount of other people shopping. Also have a list, stick to the list. This will help you make better shopping choices and hopefully save you money.
4. Don't take out your frustrations about things that your hubby has no control over out on him. If your "plans" get ruined, it isn't going to help him to have you all bitching and crying about things that he can't help. It just makes him feel like crap. This can affect his work and could be dangerous.
5. Accept the fact that your spouse (I am gonna generally go with he when I talk because it is more convenient) works in a dangerous environment. Even if he isn't directly working with something that can go BOOM he could get smashed, smooshed, run over, or otherwise hurt if he isn't paying attention to what is going on around him. Don't add to his distractions at work. This means, don't call him every five min, don't text him every 5 min, don't email him 5 million times a day, let him do his job.
6. Learn military lingo. You are going to totally be lost if you don't learn some acronyms. If you don't know what MPF is, ask.
7. When you PCS (get stationed elsewhere), take the time to learn about the new location that you are going to. Help with the moving plans and find out about the things that your spouse is otherwise not interested in, like schools, what to do with the pets, and the fun things that are going to be available near the new duty station to do.
8. Get a hobby. Gossiping does not count as a hobby, although some military wives could go pro if it was a sport.
9. Learn how to mow the lawn. Ok, I have never had to actually put this knowledge into practice because A) my husband has been gone during the winter and B) because I have always had a kick ass neighbor who would help me out. BUT! I do know how to do it in theory.
10. Thank God for all the blessings you do have in your life. Just remember, in the past other military wives had to communicate with their husbands who were gone by letters, you know letters that were delivered by actual post men. We now have the Internet, which means email, web cams, blogs. We also have phones, cell phones and calling cards. We have free health care. We have opportunities that a lot of others do not have, such as traveling. We get to meet some of the coolest people on Earth, such as other military spouses. We also get to say, we are military spouses and our husband/wives have really important jobs.

Take Care,
Kat