Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The Pecker

My daughter has a toy she calls "the pecker". It is one of those old fashioned wooden toys where there is a bird fastened by a spring onto a metal rod. To operate the toy, you slide the bird up the rod and then the spring action makes the bird look like it is pecking as it is sliding down the rod.

Today, since they are on half term break (yes, again), I had to take the girls with me to my WeightWatchers meeting (4lbs off! Way to go me!!). As I was waiting in line to first get my weigh in card and then to actually weigh in, KiKi struck up a conversation with the ladies on either side of me in the line.

"Wanna see my pecker?"

The American woman in front of me looked a bit aghast, since pecker is a slang for a penis. Then she saw the toy and giggled. The English lady behind me didn't really have a reaction because pecker is the slang for a nose. She then properly oohed and ahhed over the toy much to KiKi's delight.

We really do need to think of a better name for this toy.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Friday, May 27, 2011

Dear So and So...Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

You certainly are a moody cow this month! Volcanoes, tornadoes, and gale force winds have dominated the headlines this past week. Not to mention you broke my trampoline with the winds! Now how am I going to coax my kids outside? I think you owe me a bit of money Ms. Nature.

Peeved, Kat
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Dear Broken Trampoline,

I am going to attempt to dismantle you today, well if Ms. Nature doesn't pour buckets of rain down on me. Do me a favor and be a doll. Don't squish my fingers, fall on me, or try to maim me in any way. I have Cybermummy to attend in a month and I don't want to be disfigured. Plus, my husband is gone and I won't have anyone to drive me to the hospital if anything goes horribly wrong. Not that it will, cause you're gonna be nice to me, right?

Love, The Crazy Lady Who Attempts Crap Like This On Her Own
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Dear Police Officer,

I only saw you break 4 rules of the road when I was behind you. You sped through a 30mph zone, you failed to use your blinkers (indicators) twice, and then you sped again in 40mph zone. Do you really think you should be the one handing out the tickets?

Concerned, Kat
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Dear Burger King,

HA! I resisted the allure of your scrummy smelling breakfast items this morning when I went to the shops. Take that!

Love, The Woman Who is Munching On Fruit Imagining That It is a Sausage Croissan'wich.
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Dear DVLA,

Jeez o peet! You guys are trying to bleed me dry! No wonder a lot of people choose not to drive in this country.

*Grumbling*, The Woman Who Is Off to Pay Her Road Tax This Morning
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Dear Readers,

If you have a letter, don't forget to link up!!

Love, Kat
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Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Great Shrinking Woman Project

So I have been trying to lose weight for a while now, then my grandparents came to visit, and then there was spring holidays, and then my parents came to visit and then I just needed a week to get my head back on straight...so I gained back 7 lbs. Not the end of the world, but disappointing. This past week I buckled down and kept an honest account of what I was shoving down my throat...for the most part...and I lost 4 lbs. *happy dance*

So since my husband is gone, and that is to my weight loss advantage (no need to cook potatoes every. single. night.), I have decided to make this a little project. Well, I guess more of a project than it had been while he was here. Code Name- The Great Shrinking Woman Project.

Goal- Lose 30lbs by the time he gets back. I have plenty of months to do this. If I have my math right I could lose 48lbs by the time he gets back, but I seriously doubt that. 30 it is then.

Mini Goal- Get the weight I gained during the month of deliciousness back off. By next Tuesday. That means 3 lbs off in the next...5 days.

So...here we go...again.

Monday, May 23, 2011

An Explanation (about a bunch of things...)

Please excuse my disjointed thoughts. Yesterday I posted this picture for #SilentSunday. It was difficult to post. It was also difficult to find out about. Actually, thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes. On Friday night, The Man was laying in bed, and LaLa was next to him asleep. I went into the room and my husband showed me this scrap of paper that had been laying on his bedside table. The words "I don't want you to go" glaring up from the scrap of paper, burning a hole into my heart.

When my husband leaves, I am ok. I can cope. It is the toll it takes on my husband and children that I worry about. How many times can I tell them that it will be ok? How many times can I wipe away tears and give encouraging words? Well, here is the honest answer. I will do it without fail until I don't have to anymore. No, it isn't fair to me, but life isn't fair. Motherhood and being a military spouse doesn't take into account fairness. I will mend their hearts as often as needed. I will be their support.

So, when my husband let my daughter fall asleep next to him, to allow just a couple more hours near her daddy, I understood. I also understood how much his heart was hurting. It is a struggle for him each time he leaves. His heart is here with his family, but his duty takes him elsewhere. He takes absolutely no pleasure out of leaving his family, but he loves his job and country. He has a sense of duty that I admire. If you could see how he comforts the children before he leaves, explains why he has to go, and the internal struggle he goes through you would admire it as well.

I used to think that it was so much harder to have young children when a spouse was deployed, then my children grew up and learned to express their emotions. I never knew how good I had it during my first deployment when my kids were 18 mos old and 3 years old. I miss the good ol days. Things don't get easier, just more complicated.

This military life isn't easy, God knows, it isn't for everyone. Hell, in the beginning I wondered if I would survive it. Now though, I just pray my husband and kids are alright. I just hope I can do enough and be enough for them.
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I just want everyone to know, I don't post these things for sympathy, the last thing I really want is sympathy, and I think most military wives would feel the same. I just want to give you an honest glimpse into military life.

I also want to thank my friends and family. Without the support system that I have, my life would be a million times harder than it is. It doesn't matter if it is just at text, facebook message, phone call, or the offer of a friendly ear, it is all so important to me. I really could not imagine not having you all in my life.
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I also want to give Jay a big squishy blog hug. Just because.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Dear So and So...Head Exploding From The Level of Stupid

Dear Lady in the Waitrose Carpark,

In the words of the immortal Dustin Hoffman in Midnight Cowboy "Hey! I'm Walkin' here!" First off lets point out that I am not a small person, second of all I was walking in a group, and thirdly should you really be driving if taking out pedestrians is your thing? I didn't even see you until you were damn near driving over my leg and my mom was yelling at me to watch out. You seriously need to hold off on the haul ass through the car park. I'm just sayin is all.

Still Going Over It In My Head, The Lady Who Appreciates Walking. A lot.
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Dear Children of Mine,

We seem to have an excess of whine in this house lately.

Zip It, Mom
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Dear Hubby,

I love you so much. I don't want you to leave, but I know duty calls. Please bring me back nice knock off designer bags and a nice big mink blanket.

Love, Wifey
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Dear Traffic Impeding Utility Work,

I really don't care if these new houses that you are building have, water, electricity, etc. Please quit blocking off the traffic in the town next to mine. It is nearly impossible to get through town between the hours of 4pm-6pm because of your newest hole in the road. Could we try to get all the work done at once next time? This is the 5th time in the last few months that you have torn up the road outside this new housing area. It is seriously annoying when you are running late to school in a hurry.

Perpetually Late, Kat
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Dear Readers,

If you have letters of your own please link up! Have a fantabulous weekend.

Love, Kat
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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Circus Time!

Last Saturday, after I dropped my parents off at the train station, The Man and I decided to take the girls to the circus that happened to be in the town next to ours. It was just a small one ring circus, no animal acts, just a clown, acrobats, juggler, fire breather and high fliers. I wasn't really expecting much, but I was pleasantly surprised. The acts were all really well done, even for a small circus, they had enough variety to keep my husband and myself entertained, and the setting was intimate enough that nobody under the big top had a bad seat.


What fun we're going to have under the big top!


Alex the clown. He was great fun.


How in the world?


The lovely Miss Amanda.


Miss Amanda on the silks. Gorgeous.


Antonio (as Super Mario) spinning plates. Well done on keeping them all spinning!


Oh my goodness, that's really high up there!


Mmm lovely abs...umm I mean he's really strong.


Antonio spitting fire. My kids thought this was amazing.


Spinning fire.


Miss Lizzy on the rope. You can see it but Alex the clown was about to spin her round and round.


Alex and the Ringmaster Paul Martinez having a goofy boxing match.


Ramon juggling. He was brilliant.


The spring boarding was fantastic.

I just can't say enough how much fun my family and I had at the circus. My children were talking about it for days and are still trying to master their new spinning plates. So, if you ever see Russell's International Circus in your town, stop by and be spellbound.

Monday, May 16, 2011

The Whirlwind

It's that time again. We try to prepare. We brace the girls. We support each other. We gather important paperwork. We try to squeeze as many magical moments as we possibly can out of the very few we have left. We have moments where we throw up our hands in resignation. We cry. We laugh. We make sure everyone feels loved. We pack. We unpack. We repack again. We make checklists. We hope for the best. We prepare for the worst. We know nothing else. This is our life as a military family. We soldier on.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

9 Years of Wedded Bliss (well, most of the time)

As of yesterday I have been married nine years. I have to admit, it hasn't been the easiest nine years of my life. Marriage is hard work, ya'll. I'll tell you what though, it is totally worth it. So here are my tips to have a for the generally happy marriage (people who have always happy marriages are lying, I am convinced of it).

1. Remember common courtesy. A please here and a thank you there will save you a lot of grief in the long run.

2. If you have a gripe, get it out. Do not keep your complaints bottled up.

3. On that note, if you are about to lose your mind, maybe it is a good idea to get some clarity before letting your spouse have it with both barrels blazing.

4. Don't be an asshole on purpose.

5. Don't keep secrets. You can have surprises, not secrets.

6. Remember to make time for your spouse, and not as an afterthought. I know when there are rugrats running around the house it is sometimes easy to remember that you have a partner in the madness that needs a bit of attention. Don't forget.

7. Try to take interest in your partners hobbies. Yeah, I don't like WWE wrestling, but I used to watch it religiously, so I will take an hour here or there and watch it with him because it gives us something to do together. Also, it gives us something to talk about other than the kids. He also asks about the books I read or will pick up the last book I have read and read a bit of it, just because he knows it interests me.

8. Keep the laughter alive.

9. Give each other a break. Don't harass each other about every little thing. Pick your battles.

10. And always remember




(One of my anniversary presents from The Man)

Thank you for 9 wonderful years, The Man. I love you more today than I ever thought was possible. Your a wonderful, fantastic, brave, smart, and awesome husband. Any girl would be lucky to have you, thankfully, I got to you first.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Just Around The Bend

When my family comes to visit me here in England it is always an adventure. Sometimes it becomes a comedy of errors and other times we find things to explore in my little area of England that I didn't even know existed. This time my parents are here visiting. This is their fourth trip to England since I have moved over here, so I don't feel the need to do the touristy bits with them. In fact, today I dropped them off at the train station so they could make their way to Bath for the next few days.

On Saturday there was a bit of rain, but once it cleared up it was a balmy 70F outside with just a bit of a breeze. We decided to go feed the ducks down in the town close to my house, which could have turned out really bad considering KiKi's last encounter with the ducks. Let's just say she ended up pinned on the bench next to the river with about 200 ducks swarming around her and looking at me with pleading eyes said "Can we go home now?" She was a bit traumatized. So, on Saturday when we mentioned ducks, she balked for a second and then decided that she would go because her PaPa (grandfather) was going.

We ended up having a fantastic time. The girls fed the ducks without incident and we decided to walk down a path that takes you to the next village just to see what was around the bend. We ended up next to a little pond that I guess has formed from the overflow of the river. The female ducks had taken this pond over and there were ducklings galore for the girls to fawn over. A few male ducks were in the pond and made a spectacle out of themselves by fighting over any little scrap of bread that the girls would throw to them, sending the girls into fits of giggles.






This just goes to show you, that sometimes the best adventures are right outside your front door.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day!

For Mother's Day, this is the card my mom gave me:






She seems to already know my parenting style...

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Dear So and So...Half Asleep Edition

Dear A-hole Driving The Yellow Penis Extension ...I Mean Corvette,

Just because you have a flashy car and are having a midlife crisis does not mean you get to drive like an idiot. You caused me to use words that I have never used in front of my kids before. In fact, I may have made up words to describe the awfulness of your driving skills. It is not a smart move to accelerate rapidly and then break really quickly when you have a line of traffic behind you. It is especially not smart when you are in a tiny car that can be squished like a bug.

Thanks For Making Me Use Colorful Language With Reckless Abandon,
The Lady In the Big Orange Jeep
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Dear Children of Mine,

This whole when I tell you one thing, it goes in one ear and out the other behavior has got to stop. Mommy is about to lose her temper. Just clean your room, stop whining, don't hit each other, quit jumping around like heathens, and just listen. Please listen.

Love, Your Mom Who is At Then End of Her Tether
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Dear Fruit Flies,

I am done done done done done done done. Seriously. Done. Got it?

Grrr, The Crazy Lady Who is Gonna Kill You with Apple Cider Vinegar
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Dear My Two Heathen Children,

I am sorry you forgot your show and tell at home. No I will not turn around to get it. Perhaps this will teach you a lesson in responsibility.

Love, Your Tough Love Momma
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Dear Lady,

Over the knee boots at school drop off? Really? I thought that more an evening wear look.

Flabbergasted, Kat
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Dear Readers,

If you have your own notes, please feel free to link them up. Have a great weekend.

Love, Kat
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Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Test

I am testing to see if Intense Debate Installed. If it has, leave comments here for the last post.

About That...

I guess as a military wife should share my feelings on the demise of bin Laden.

1) I am glad he is no longer alive.
2) No, I am not dancing around with glee because we are still at war.
3) He proved he was a coward until the very end, hiding behind his wife.
4) A head shot was too good for him after all of the horrors he inflicted upon the world.
5) Take some times to remember the victims of his attack, not only those affected on 9/11. He was also responsible directly for the first World Trade Center Attack, the bombing of the Khobar Tower in Saudi Arabia, the Embassy bombings in Kenya and Tanzania, and the attack on the USS Cole in Yemen. Al Qaeda was also responsible for other attacks including the Bali nightclub bombings, the 7/7 attacks, and the Madrid train bombings.

So, those are my feelings on the subject, and that is the last I will speak of this monster. Feel free to disagree with me. Stay vigilant; the terrorists will not stop just because he has been eliminated.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Snippits from Sunday

Sitting at the table at a restaurant my husband and daughter were having a bit of banter about the trampoline moves she had taught him the day before. She and her friends have come up with names of "crack the egg" and "flip the bacon" for two of the moves.

La-"YEAH and I showed you how to crack the egg and flip the bacon!!
The Man- "Maybe one day I will show you how to cut the cheese.

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The Man, the girls and I went in search of movies to rent after dinner.

LaLa scanning and sounding out a title on the shelf "People....I've...Sleept...With"
Me- "Move along.... you don't need to see that"
LaLa Still looking at movies "Jjjjaaaaackass 3"
Me- "Man, there are really some times I wish you still couldn't read."
*man behind me starts sniggering*

Sunday, May 1, 2011