Friday, April 27, 2012

Dear So and So...A Pot Of Gold

Dear British Weather,

Despite the fact that you can not find it in your heart to quit deluging us with rain, you have seen fit to provide just enough sunshine to create at least one rainbow a day for the last week.  I can not recall ever seeing so many rainbows in my life.  Yesterday's rainbow was especially brilliant, not a thin little rainbow that you can barely see through the clouds, but a nice thick fully formed rainbow that arched it's way though the sky.  It was so beautiful that my children couldn't quit staring at it though the car windows and wondering aloud about where the ends of the rainbow were as we drove towards the air base.  So, if you can't stop the rain, could you please at least continue the artwork in the sky?

Thanks in Advance, Kat
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Dear LaLa,

You are not leaving for your school trip for another week.  We don't have to start packing for your trip yet.  I know you are excited, but seriously, your clothes aren't going to grow legs and walk away before we can get them in a suitcase.

Love, Mom
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Dear Angry Birds,

I knew I shouldn't have downloaded you onto my iPad.  Now I spend my evenings launching pixelated birds at pigs while watching all the TV shows that I have Sky+d.  I am sure there are more productive things that I could be doing with my evenings, but I just need to beat one more level.

Slightly Addicted, Kat
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Dear CybHer Attendees,

I can't wait to see you on May 12th.  Let's see what sort of trouble we can get into this year!  I am not sure you can beat a drunken dwarf singing Bon Jovi at the top of his lungs though.

Love, Kat
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Dear Readers,

I hope you have had a wonderful week and have a lovely weekend.  If you have your own Dear So and So letters, please link up!

Love, Kat
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Thursday, April 26, 2012

"Say Ma-Ma, Say Ma-Ma"

I have been a parent for a little over 8 years now and I clearly remember back to when my oldest daughter was just a squirmy little babe in arms.  So cute and cuddly...and mute.  Well, mute-ish.  Now, not so much.  The girls chatter as they wake up, as they eat their breakfast, as the walk out the door in the morning; I assume they chat all day long at school and when they get home they keep chatting all evening until they finally fall asleep.  LaLa even talks in her sleep.  Probably reciting another awesome factoid that she has learned about the solar system.

As much as I love my children and all the wonderful, humorous and insightful things they have to say, sometimes I just want them to try to be silent for more than 20 sustained seconds.  Barring that, at least take a breath before they start speaking again (I swear they don't breath).

 I am pretty sure they are chatting even in this photo.

(As I am typing this LaLa is standing next to me telling me about a program she saw on CBBC; mind you she is supposed to be in bed.)

My house is always teeming with the noise of two little girls with the gift of gab.  It is no wonder that sometimes at night I sit in complete silence at my laptop and wonder "Why was I so insistent on teaching them how to speak?"

Am I the only one?


Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Kinda Like a Rampant Lion on a Field of Azure...Sorta

So, my husband has this annoying habit of wanting me to lay in bed and just cuddle with him at ridiculously early hours in the evening so that he can fall asleep.  He has to be up before the butt crack of dawn and apparently my soothing presence helps him fall asleep.  I think it is a load of rubbish, but sometimes I indulge him.

We were laying down on Sunday at around 7:30pm and if you are anyone who knows anything, you would know that The Voice UK is on at this time, so I was not a happy bunny about: 1) laying down in bed with him for no reason 2) forgetting to record The Voice UK 3) do I really need another reason?  I then made the comment "I would like you to know I am here under duress.  We really need a house flag that I can hang upside down during these situations."

He started giggling.

"What is so funny?" I asked.

"It could be a penis.  Then when you were laying in bed with me "under duress" it could be flipped so it pointed up!"

.....and people think I'm the one with jokes.

*If you get the Big Bang Theory reference in this post you get an extra bonus point.

Monday, April 23, 2012

RIP Cheeto Bandito

Some of you may have seen my Facebook status.  Cheeto Bandito was killed last night.  He wandered up onto the road in front of my house and got hit by a car.  My neighbor was kind enough to ring my doorbell this morning to let me know so that my kids didn't discover his little body on the side of the road.

I know a lot of you come to read funny stories here on my blog and I promise to tomorrow I will try to write something funny, but right now I am going to climb into my bed with a cup of tea and cry a bit more.  Today...today is my day to bed sad.


Saturday, April 21, 2012

The Potato Salad Saga

Gordon Ramsey has nothing on this kitchen nightmare.

So on a Tuesday, as in four days before Saturday, my husband came home and said "So I either signed you up to make potato salad or pasta salad"...understood to be for the Spring Fling that his squadron is hosting on Saturday.  Here I am praying "please let it be pasta salad".  It was POTATO salad.

Here's the difference between potato salad and pasta salad- you don't have to peel pasta.

I went to the grocery store and procured all the ingredients.  After my first batch I realized that I had severely underestimated how much of each ingredient I was going to need to finish all three roasting pan sized trays of potato salad.  In the end I used...

6 kgs of potatoes
60 grams of mayo ( 2 HUGE jars)
2 dozen eggs
2 bottles of sweet relish
half a squeeze bottle of yellow mustard,
and four onions.

There was a lot of potato salad made.

Around 4pm my husband called (while I was making the last batch) (mind you I had been at work since 10 am) and said they might need 10 trays instead of three trays.  To which my response might have been "Yeah do one. You and the horse you rode in on."

And while I hope they have plenty of potato salad...I hope to goodness I never see a potato EVER again in my lifetime.





Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Things I Never Knew I Needed Before I Moved to the UK

1. An electric kettle.
2. Clotted Cream (not very often though or I would be as big as a house)
3. Cornish Pasties (see #2)
4. Sausage Rolls (see #2 and #3)
5. An assortment of tea cups and mugs. I used to drink coffee in the states every once in a while, but I have become a tea-aholic. (See #1)
6. Various scarves in different colors and weights. It isn't the cold or rain. It's the wind. The wind is a killer.
7. Wellies. Or as we call them in the states, rain boots. There really is nothing like sloshing about in the English countryside in a nice pair of rubber boots.
8. Tea. Real tea. Not Lipton or Luizianne.
9. Scones, crumpets, malted bread and tiger bread.
10. A sense of humour. Or humor.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Holidays Were Meant to Be Conquered

Hit play on the video and read along with the music. It works better that way.



So we meet again, School Holidays. So far, I seem to have gotten the best of you. A wonderful visit by my grandparents complete with trips to Scotland






and London,



but I have just checked the weather forecast and it is predicting rain for the rest of the week. Rain! Rain during the school holiday! How very...inconsiderate.

But, I have a plan! I shall foil your attempts at my sanity, School Holidays. I shall have activities planned out the wazoo for my progeny. I will be mentally prepared for the wails of "Mum, I'm bored!" and "I don't want to clean my room!" I have steeled my nerves again spills and messes. I am invincible. HA! You will be conquered!!! Conquered I say!!

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Sunday, April 1, 2012

The Oracle (The Man Guest Post)

I swear my Grandmother In Law might be The Oracle from The Matrix. That would be Kat's grandmother. This is why....as told my The Man.....

The Man's Words.....

So I asked LaLa to help me pick up the yard so I could mow. Let me sidetrack from the Oracle for a minute... She was excited to help and she started before I went outside. I was getting dressed in my get-the-yard-mowed outfit when she came inside crying...WTF...the shovel hit her in the face. I told her..."Well I have told you 100 times don't play on the shovel!" It is the same old story...stand on the end..the stick will hit you. In any case, I did my fatherly duty and helped her calm down. So I finished cleaning up the yard and got ready to mow.

Let me tell everyone how this usually goes. I fill the gas tank up on the mower and mow the back yard and MAYBE part of the side of my driveway. I fill the gas tank up again and MAYBE finish the side and front yard. So it usually takes me 2-3 tanks of gas to finish the yard. Not to mention, it had been 2 weeks since I mowed. The grass was about lower shin high. Last time I mowed when the grass was that high, the damn lawnmower died 20 times on me. Keep those facts in mind....2-3 tanks of gas and lawnmower dies 20 times. Here begins the Oracle story....

So the yard is cleaned up and ready to be gotten. I bring out the mower and the gas tank. I think "Damn I don't know if I have enough gas." Well I fill the mower up and get to work. The MFing mower takes 20 pulls to start but it eventually starts. Well, time to get to work. I start mowing the back yard...about 10 minutes into it I look up and see Kat's Granny looking out the window smiling at me. I give her the nod...I am listening to my iPod smoking a cigarette at this point..and continue on my way. I finish the back yard and move to the side of the driveway (this is the point where the mower usually dies) and I finish it. I then move to the outside of my front yard fence...surely the gas will run out now...but it doesn't. I am thinking WTF but I continue into the front yard. All I can think of at this point is "Kat's Granny done blessed my mower." I think about her just smiling out the back window and it reminded me of the Oracle from the Matrix (I don't think the Oracle had magical powers but she knew the future). I finished the whole damn yard without a single refill or the mower dying on me...WTF......Kat's Granny knew the future and blessed my mower. It was awesome. I guarantee the next time I mow without her Granny smiling at me, my mower will take 2-3 refills and die 20 times...Not sure how to explain it, but the best I can come up with is that Kat's Granny is "The Oracle."

Peace out,
Tom