Flashed

This is a picture my aunt sent me with the following message:

I was walking to my mailbox this morning as was

"flashed," thought I would share my expericence with

you.

Amy

My response:

Is that a mushroom? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Her reply:

Yes, wonder what affects it would have

if you ate it?????

Military Life

I am one of those crazy people who actually likes military life. Yes, deployments suck. The pay sucks. Leaving your friends sucks. Being nowhere near your family sucks. However, there are a ton of benefits. I get to travel. I get to expose my children to different cultures. I meet friends at each new base. My husband loves his job. I am proud of my husband's job.

There are a few things that my civilian friends just don't understand about military life despite their repeated viewings of Army Wives.

#1. My life doesn't stop just because my husband is deployed. I have heard of several occasions "I just don't know how you do it." I do it because I have to. My kids still need a mom. I can't just crawl up and hibernate when he has to go away for a while. There are still mouths to feed, dance classes to get to, school to attend and cheeks to be kissed. Besides, I get the whole bed to myself for a couple months. Kick ass.

#2. Free housing isn't that great. Yeah sure I don't have rent or a mortgage. I also get stuck in whatever house is open on base unless I (we) decide to live off the economy. At this base I have lived in 4 different houses. The first place we lived in was a 4 plex off base. 2 bedrooms. We didn't make enough at his rank to cover rent and the bills, so it was more economical to live on base. Our first base house was a 2 bedroom renovated house. It was o.k, other than the mouse that we found living behind the stove. 3rd house, falling down, basement flooding, 30 years old, piece of crap on base. We moved there because I was having baby #2 and we wanted a 3 bedroom. Our final house on this base is brand new (thank God!) and is relatively nice. The only problem is since it is brand new, I randomly have "inspections" to make sure that we haven't done damage to the house. Oh and every little crayon mark on the wall, I have to make sure those are gone by the time we leave. The little tiny microscopic gouge in the drywall that we didn't make, it has to be fixed by the time we leave. Oh and "Ma'am, we understand your husband is deployed, but your house is a little cluttered. Not as bad as some of the other houses we have seen, but could you please get rid of some of the clutter?" Mind you at the time, my house was clean. I just have a lot of kids toys and not enough closets. Oh and Mr. Housing Man, could you send someone to snake the drain in my upstairs bathroom? That was 6 months ago, still no repair man to snake the drain.

#3. Free health care isn't all that great. In the civilian world, if you are late to an appointment by a min, they still see you. In the military, if you are not 15 min early, you're late. Try that when you are toting a couple kids along. Military doctors are also hit or miss. You also do not have the option of switching if you just don't like them. You take the appointment that is available or you might not been seen until next year sometime. Maybe.

You see, with all the complaints, I still love this life. I wouldn't trade it. I have met some of my best friends through this experience. I love them all and am going to miss them dearly when I move on to our next assignment in England. We will keep in touch though. Plus we still have at least 14 more years left in this military life, maybe we will run into them again on another post.

Elizabeast

"The Man" says she looks like a poster child for Feed the Children.

Kisses Make It All Better

KiKi stubbed her toe this morning. No blood or anything, but she kept saying "ow. ow. ow.ow." It was clear that she was not going to stop unless something was done about this ouchie. So I leaned down and kissed her toe. She sprang up and went merrily on her way like there had never been a ouchie to start with. Sometimes I wish life was more like that.


This morning I read that Metrodad's Father In-law passed away. There is no kiss to make that hurt go away. I send my prayers out to his family in their time of need. Godspeed Bosslady's dad.

I love you Urban Dictionary

After reading Black Hockey Jesus' post about the Funky Cold Medina I had to go on Urban Dictionary to find out what a Funky Cold Medina really is. Cause I am OCD like that. Which is for those who are wondering:

1.	funky cold medina	1
	The title of the second single from Ton Loc, which was (co-)written by Young MC, and released on the Delicious Vinyl record label in the late 80's. In the video, Ton Loc demystifies the "funky cold medina" when he points to a bottle of Absolut Vodka. Though the concept of a "funky cold medina" is generally a drink - not just pure vodka. It's made by pouring one oz respectively of Absolut Vodka, Southern Comfort and Blue Curaçao over ice and topped of with cranberry juice. Anyways, I started scrolling down through other definitions that looked like they could be promising for a giggle and came across these: 1. funky kingston To stick your finger in your own butthole or someone elses butthole then stick it to their nose and/or in their mouth. UGH! 1. funky sac When sweat and stink build up around a man's scrotum, perhaps after exercising or working in a hot environment, this condition is the result. Around here, we refer to that as swamp nuts.... 1. DILF 1)acronym for "dad I'd like to fuck" 2)a heterosexual female's version of a MILF (see milf) I guess that is why my husband is?? 1. DILIGAF Acronym for "Do I Look Like I Give A Fuck". Pronounced; Dilly Gaff A short terse answer given when someone complains about your behaviour or actions. Used more as a statement or exclamation rather than as a genuine query. Oh how I love this acronym...

Land of Nakeyness

I can't keep clothes on my kids. Seriously. Between potty training (which must be done in the nude apparently) and changing in to swimsuits there has been a lot of nakedness in this house. Dress up is also another excuse to get naked. I can't even sit down at the computer or t.v. for 5 min without seeing a little white naked butt run past me. My husband is convinced that we are raising two strippers. Their nicknames don't help anything (LaLa and KiKi). I know it is the summertime and I should lighten up, but the Southern Baptist roots in my head are rearing their head and yelling at me "Get some clothes on those kids!! Are we raising little naked heathens around here?"

All this nakeyness and we still haven't had one poop or pee on the potty. Any potty training suggestions??

I'm Done Already

I graduate from college at the end of Aug. In my head though, I am already done. My mind is fried. My nerves are shot. Senioritis is abound. Now here is the really shitty part. I am in a GDMF-ing group project. I have seriously never met a bigger group of adult toddlers. Case in point. This morning after my Internet being out for a day I woke up to a nasty exchange between two of my group members on the groups discussion board. The professor had to be brought in to mediate. I called him and informed him of the situation. I felt like I had to tattle tail on two perfectly grown adults. This is my LAST CLASS. I soooo don't need this crap. All is temporarily resolved, but I am sure it will not be pretty in the future either. 4 more weeks is my mantra right now.

In other "I'm Done Already" news... all of a sudden I have had this urge to have another baby. After Kiki I proclaimed "I'm am soooo done with this baby thing". Now, I'm not so sure. She is now 2, potty training, and generally doesn't need me (or want me sometimes). My ovaries are starting to ache and they want a new baby bad. The Man would freak if he knew that I was even considering another child. Maybe I will break him in slowly. Get to England, breach the subject, get off birth control (with his permission of course), then maybe baby. We'll see. I really would like him to have a little boy. Of course we could end up with another girl. Then he might be building a shed in the back yard.