Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Sam Kitty's Guide To Being A Cat

Being a cat is a lot of work.

5am- Stick Nose in large sleeping humans face. Purr. Try to get stroked.
5:01 am- Purr louder. Rub head against sleeping human's face. Dodge sleeping humans flailing hand.
5:02 am- Make self comfortable between large sleeping humans legs. Make sure the human can no longer change position. Snuggle up close to maintain maximum warmth.
6:00 am- Refuse to move from between large humans legs. Act indignant when forcibly removed.
6:05 am- Find marble to play it with on the hardwood floors.
6:10am- Hide when large human gets out of bed to confiscate marble.
6:59am. Stick nose in large sleeping human's face right before that loud noise happens.
7am- Run! Loud noise!!
7:05am- Meow at backdoor til large human opens door.
7:06- do "business" in the shrubs; preferably near the rose bushes.
7:06:30- Run back inside.
7:07 am- Breakfast time! NOM NOM NOM!!!
7:30-8:30 am- Meow at backdoor. Keep meowing.
8:45 am- Watch door in order to trip large human as she escorts small humans out the door. Pray small humans never return.
8:46-9:15 Curl up next to warm boiler and sleep.
9:15- Give large human "the look of death" as she opens the backdoor and lets a draft into your nice warm sleeping area.
9:30-11 Meow at backdoor. Go outside and hunt. Come back only when it suits you.
11am- Meow to be let inside. Bat dog on nose as she sniffs you to welcome you, her conquering hero, home. Ignore human.
11:15- Lunch!!! NOM NOM NOM!!!
12 pm-3:15 Sleepy Time!!!!
3:15pm- Give large human a sneer as she opens door and lets in draft.
3:15-3:45 Sleepy Time!!!
3:45- Awww crap large human brought the small ones back. Damn.
3:45-5 Meow at backdoor. Time for more hunting.
5pm- Demand to be let back inside.
5pm-7pm Time to plot next hunting trip and demise of dog.
7pm-8:30pm- Sleep under warm radiator. It is muy beuno.
8:30pm- Lay on large humans rear end as she puts small human in bed.
8:45- Get mad at large human for moving back to couch.
8:45-10 Sleep under warm radiator. It is really nice. You need to try it.
10pm- Snuggle on large humans lap. She is really warm. Muy bueno!
11pm- Night night time with large human. Make sure to find the warmest spot on bed. Claim as your own.

And that my friends is how to be a successful cat.


7 comments:

slommler said...

Yep! That is a full day for sure. So hard being a cat!!
Ha!
Hugs
SueAnn

Irish Gumbo said...

Sam Kitty knows his stuff. Now, if I could just fit under that radiator...

Joanie M said...

sounds like my house, times 3.

I do leave my bedroom door closed so I don't have any of them sleeping with me.

Jen said...

LOL! That sounds just right.

Captain Dumbass said...

My fish never interrupt my sleep.

Granny said...

Sounds a lot like two dogs that I know. We humans are just suckers for the animal kingdom.

Hugs and kisses to all

Granny

Mary Anne said...

Sounds a lot like Spot Kitty here in my house.

How I would love to live like a cat for a day (minus the hunting and bringing dead things home in my mouth...)