Sunday, April 1, 2012

The Oracle (The Man Guest Post)

I swear my Grandmother In Law might be The Oracle from The Matrix. That would be Kat's grandmother. This is why....as told my The Man.....

The Man's Words.....

So I asked LaLa to help me pick up the yard so I could mow. Let me sidetrack from the Oracle for a minute... She was excited to help and she started before I went outside. I was getting dressed in my get-the-yard-mowed outfit when she came inside crying...WTF...the shovel hit her in the face. I told her..."Well I have told you 100 times don't play on the shovel!" It is the same old story...stand on the end..the stick will hit you. In any case, I did my fatherly duty and helped her calm down. So I finished cleaning up the yard and got ready to mow.

Let me tell everyone how this usually goes. I fill the gas tank up on the mower and mow the back yard and MAYBE part of the side of my driveway. I fill the gas tank up again and MAYBE finish the side and front yard. So it usually takes me 2-3 tanks of gas to finish the yard. Not to mention, it had been 2 weeks since I mowed. The grass was about lower shin high. Last time I mowed when the grass was that high, the damn lawnmower died 20 times on me. Keep those facts in mind....2-3 tanks of gas and lawnmower dies 20 times. Here begins the Oracle story....

So the yard is cleaned up and ready to be gotten. I bring out the mower and the gas tank. I think "Damn I don't know if I have enough gas." Well I fill the mower up and get to work. The MFing mower takes 20 pulls to start but it eventually starts. Well, time to get to work. I start mowing the back yard...about 10 minutes into it I look up and see Kat's Granny looking out the window smiling at me. I give her the nod...I am listening to my iPod smoking a cigarette at this point..and continue on my way. I finish the back yard and move to the side of the driveway (this is the point where the mower usually dies) and I finish it. I then move to the outside of my front yard fence...surely the gas will run out now...but it doesn't. I am thinking WTF but I continue into the front yard. All I can think of at this point is "Kat's Granny done blessed my mower." I think about her just smiling out the back window and it reminded me of the Oracle from the Matrix (I don't think the Oracle had magical powers but she knew the future). I finished the whole damn yard without a single refill or the mower dying on me...WTF......Kat's Granny knew the future and blessed my mower. It was awesome. I guarantee the next time I mow without her Granny smiling at me, my mower will take 2-3 refills and die 20 times...Not sure how to explain it, but the best I can come up with is that Kat's Granny is "The Oracle."

Peace out,
Tom