It has come to my attention that we are facing a new crisis. Along with the energy crisis and economic crisis the federal government has overlooked the juice crisis. Juice prices over the last year have skyrocketed. A gallon of juice that once cost $1.50 at the check out line is now going for almost $3.00 a gallon. Parents of angry toddlers everywhere are feeling the pinch at the register. I am calling for a bipartisan committee to look into the allegations of price gouging and price fixing. As responsible citizens we must also look into alternative thirst quenchers. Some of the possible choices that I foresee helping us through this juice crisis are Milk, water, and Kool-Aid. Toddlers are resistant to change so as parents it is your responsibility to introduce these new alternative thirst quenchers at a moderate pace as to not upset the emotional balance of your toddler. One of the most promising new thirst quenchers is Sugar-free Kool-Aid which comes in a variety of juice like flavors. The added benefit of Sugar-free Kool-Aid is that it does not contain the sucrose that causes hyper-activity in children. One may also choose to dilute the juice with water to avoid over consumption of juice. Please be responsible with your consumption of juice. Do not make a run to the super market to hoard juice. This may cause prices to spike even higher or cause a shortage of juice. Please contact your representative in government to express your concern over the juice crisis and your support for alternative thirst quenchers. Thank you.
(This crisis is a complete figment of my imagination brought on by having to wake at 4 am to get KiKi a drink only to find out that we had no juice in the house. Please do not actually contact your representative or you may be laughed off the phone or recieve an visit from those lovely men in white coats who want to take you on a special vacation.)