Lately I have been feeling fabulous. No really. It is like someone has taken a set of jumper cables attached them to my butt and gave me a jolt of energy. I am happy. Very very happy. Although my family has faced many tragedies in the past couple of months, we have banded together and are healing together. That makes my heart happy. Thinking about it, I haven't been this happy or content with my life in a long time.
You guys wouldn't know this, but I was going though a bit of a personal rough patch about two years ago. KiKi was 6 months old, LaLa was 3 and I was tired. So so tired. Tired of everything. I was sick of my kids needing me twenty four hours a day, I was sick of my husband not being around when I needed help, I didn't want to do any house work, I didn't really want to hang out with my friends, and I was a pain in the ass to be around. I am pretty sure I was clinically depressed, but I didn't want to admit it. I made plenty of excuses for my behaviour too.
"If they would just give me an hour by myself" "If he just helped me out more around the house" "They are just too busy to hang out, I don't want to bother them" "I just need a good nap"
Yeah it was all excuses. I was completely full of crap. In retrospect I probably needed some professional help. I was just too stubborn to admit it. It almost ended up costing me my marriage. I was a pain to be around and I was picking fights with my husband left and right. Oh yeah, I was a treat to be around. We got to the point where we were sure we were going to get divorced and had pretty much divided all of our personal items and were trying to negotiate custody arrangements for the girls. It was a terrible situation. Finally we just decided that we couldn't go through with it. We loved each other and the girls too much. We just had to get back on track.
I am not sure how I turned the corner and got out of my funk, but I did. Things got better slowly. My husband and I started making more time for each other. Things are back to the way they should be. We are working together as a team and as a family. It is awesome.
Now I know what to look out for and know how bad depression can really be. I don't ever want to go back to that place, but if I do, I will seek professional help. I am not willing to make myself or my family go through that again. To those who stuck with me through that rough patch, thank you. Oh and if I ever get like that again, kick my ass and tell me to go to the doctor. Seriously.