Monday, June 1, 2009

The Fear

Military wives all have it, The Fear.  The Fear in the back of their head that their loved one will be sent somewhere dangerous.  The Fear that once they are there that something will happen to them.  I chose not to face The Fear daily.  I can not live daily with The Fear.  I chose to ignore it.  I can't worry about something that might happen.  I have things to do.  I have kids who need me to get on with it.  I have a husband who needs his house to run in an orderly manner.  I do not have time for The Fear.

Sometimes however The Fear rears it's ugly head.  Usually when I am doing something mundane like the dishes.  It starts as a thought, then it creeps up my neck.  My throat starts to close up and get very dry.  My mind races.  I feel the tears starting to well up.  Then and only then do I acknowledge The Fear.  I look it square in the face and tell it I know it is there.  I tell it that it can not rule my life and I have things I need to get done.  I tell it that no matter how bad it wants me to feel that I know everything will be fine.  Then I press on.  I have a life to lead and I can't waste it with The Fear.

31 comments:

Chairman Bill said...

Bet you got a severe dose of The Fear when you heard he'd been posted to the UK.

kate said...

Damn woman... I have the fear daily... in a different kind of way. I sit and day dream and the next thing you know I'm in floods of tears because I've just tried to imagine how I'd cope if someone I loved died.

I can't even listen to certain songs without bursting into tears...

BTW Elizabeast... so cute! And surely undeserving of such a title. Anyhoo... I'm meant to be blogginh atm... so back to it!

Irish Gumbo said...

Well said. I salute you, Kat, for acknowledging the Fear, and for such an excellent way to confront it. Blessings and peace to you and the Man and the peeps.

Yaya said...

I've said it before, but I could never do it. I am not strong enough to be a military wife.

Michele said...

You are very brave. Sometimes it is the ones that stay home that have are the bravest. I truly admire what you do.

mo.stoneskin said...

I disagree wth Cairman Bill, surely you got a bout of joy when you heard about the UK, what a wonderful country.

*congratulates self on sublime sarcasm*

Seriously though, I have no idea what it is like but no it must be hard at times.

smitten by britain said...

Kat, I was in your husband's position many years ago and I can tell you for certain that he has the Fear also. When my son came along the Fear was doubled. Sometimes I have nightmares that I'm still in the service and I'm getting called away. That's how strong the Fear was. So I can relate and feel for ya. I still have the Fear but now it's about different things, like my son's poor driving skills. It sounds like you have the right idea about how to handle your fear. It's only natural it should pop into your head once in a while. One way to look at it is as a reminder to appreciate everything you have right now.

Mary T said...

I know what you mean. My fear is different to yours but it manifests itself in a similar way.

Great post, very well put.

Lola said...

It's got to be tough. After my son's accident last weekend, I'm feeling the fear whenever I see him doing just about anything.

Hopefully, neither of us will have to deal with anything worse than a little bit of worry about our guys now and then.

Bobby G said...

I cant imagine the way that must feel. being a military wife would be very hard at this time...

Blogging Betty said...

There is also another fear, that he wont get deployed and he will be stuck up your arse and there will not be an opportunity to make some moolah. Maybe that's a bad thing.... and why my marriage didn't work... LOL

Sammanthia said...

Good for you! A life spent cowering in the corner isn't much of a life at all. You guys are in my thoughts.

Jessica said...

I could never do what you do... thanks for being someone who can!!

Joanie M said...

Good for you for facing The Fear and getting on with your life. You area very strong woman.

Reinvent Dad said...

Bravo for not letting The Fear control your life. Appears you have a sound technique to keep it at bay on a daily basis. A huge thank you to you and the man for your service to this country living in that country.

CK Lunchbox said...

The Fear is why my first marriage fell apart - my ex couldn't take it. I don't blame her (well, I kinda do now because the Army was my dream). I have many friends still in the Army and they and their wives keep me posted.

God bless you for being brave. It means more than you know to your husband.

American in Britain said...

It's not just wives, but parents who face those fears. It's difficult to lose a partner, and even more so, a child. I admire you all, and though I have no fears of being a wife of a serviceman, I worry about being a parent of one.

Sprite's Keeper said...

Wow. Something I hope I never have to deal with within my immediate family, but here's hoping you never have to fully face it.

Jen said...

Oh fear! Why must you be there?

A Modern Mother said...

I used to live in San Diego and knew a lot of mums who lived like this.

Captain Dumbass said...

Good for you, Kat. Great post.

Bee and Rose said...

You are one brave gal:) I admire your strength and courage. I am sending my best friend to your blog...her husband is recently enlisted as an army chaplain and just received word he is off to Afghanistan in a few months. I know she would love your blog:)

Thank you to your family for all you do for us, Kat:)

OMG Pregnant said...

I feel your fear - I too am a forces wife (well fiancee until next year). I get the fear constantly at the moment. I fear he wont be about when I give birth, or wont be about to watch his child grow....

But also like you, I too just don't have time for the fear. We have to get on, if we don't it can consume everything.

xx

Mom in High Heels said...

I hear you girl. I hate The Fear. I am lucky not to be dealing with it right now, but oh how I've been there. Stay strong.

for a different kind of girl said...

Very, very well said. Acknowledging The Fear quickly and then moving on is what we have to do in some cases. I know mine is far different from yours, but there have been moments when a version of it pops in and I have to remind myself that this is not the place for it. We do what we have to do!

Abby Quijano said...

it's nice that you're fighting it though! you're showing the fear that it can't control you!

Jenni said...

I think miilitary wives are even braver than their military husbands. And you are loads braver than me.

sandiesimplysays said...

I know that fear and know it well. It pretty much immobilized me when my husband deployed to Afghanistan...thank goodness they brought him home early from that one!

Like smitten, I deal with The Fear from the other side too. I try not to think about it, but every once in awhile it grips me and holds me hostage.

I haven't figured out which is worse: The Fear that my husband won't be around to see our kids grow or The Fear that I won't.

Nikki said...

I know this fear all too well. Especially since the fear became an actuality when my husband was injured in Iraq. Now just the thought of him going back gives me a panic attack..

A Free Man said...

A lovely, concise post. I know what you mean about fear and making sure it doesn't take over.

I lived in Oxford for four years. Took me a couple of years, but I loved it by the time we left. How are you finding the UK?

Suzy said...

You are a very smart person. Read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and you will understand how smart you are.