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Thursday, November 19, 2009

What Ever Happened To Common Sense Parenting?

Since recently reading a Dear So and So letter by my friend NFAH; I can't help but wonder what ever happened to parental common sense?

To give you the basics of what happened she was at The Royal Academy of Arts in London with a friend of hers to view an exhibit by one of her favorite artists Anish Kapoor. Unfortunately her experience was ruined by the presences of imbecilic parents who brought their young children along. From what I can gather, the children were running amongst the sculptures, being loud and one of the parents had the audacity to give one of the children a snack right there at the exhibit (ya know, where priceless pieces of art were on display).

In this day and age of hyper-parenting, parenting has become less about the child and more of a competition between parents. Over-scheduling children and taking them to places they will not enjoy, much less remember, has become increasingly prevalent. Children are no longer found just enjoying themselves at a playground, instead they are being dragged from one "enriching" activity to another.

A three year old at an art exhibit? Is that really enriching? Really? Will they ever remember it? Nope, probably not. Now, I am all for enrichment, but age appropriate enrichment. Taking a child to a dinosaur exhibit at the local natural history/science museum or going to see Sesame Street Live, is much more pleasurable to a child than going to a place or event intended for adults. Nice dinners at expensive restaurants should be for adults, I don't care how "well behaved" your child is. Spills, unintentional loud talking, and squeals tend to come out of children during meal times, even in fancy restaurants. Kids don't care about the ambiance*.

Sometimes I think the kids aren't even really part of the equation. I think parents just feel that they aught to be able to do something "fun" for once. Is it really fun though when you have to remember to bring along a stroller, diaper bag, snacks, and the sippy cup? Don't forget you have to remind junior to mind their manners every three seconds. Is that really fun? No, it isn't fun. It isn't relaxing. It is a chore. Plus you are disturbing those around you who chose to leave their kids at home, or those who don't have children. Is that fair to them? They paid the price of admission as well. Maybe they would like to enjoy their afternoon or evening out as well. If parents want to do something "fun", a babysitter should be hired for the event. Or maybe sometimes parents of small children just need to get their heads out of the butts, take one for the team, and just stay home.

*Believe me when someone pays over 100 £/$ for a meal for two, they DO care about the ambiance and they weren't counting on your little "angel" being there.

Comments (32)

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Quality rantage Kat.
Good stuff. I think alot of it is just selfish people who have no consideration for others.
Regarding your Tweet about pissing someone off with this. If it does in fact do that, they deserve it. You are right on on all of your points. To go with a cliche, "common sense isn't common" anymore. It's sad but true. It's almost enough to *want* the small child to destroy a priceless piece of art, just so the parent learns their lesson. That would be wrong to want that, though, right? ;)
I lived in London until my daughter was 18 months old. A friend of mine from the pregnancy/new baby group had a son my daughter's age. She used to haul him off to art exhibits all the time then tell me what a struggle it was. I remember feeling both inadequate that I didnt have the energy to even CONTEMPLATE taking my daughter to an art exhibit at that age and confused as to what my friend thought her son was getting out of it. 'Its a lifestyle,' she said. If he grows up knowing that going to cultural events was just part of weekly activities he would always appreciate the art. 'Or resent it,' I remember thinking. Im a heathen. But I love Anish Kapoor's work.
Oh so true!!! And I would like to add my question....What parenting?? I can't tell you how many places I have gone and had it ruined by "wild" children running around with reckless abandon! And "parents" oblivious to what is going on. I feel sorry for the kids who are not learning restraint. Who are not disciplined. Sad place we have come too!
Thanks
Hugs
SueAnn
Well said!
I'd never take the boy (who's five) to an art exhibition because I know he'd be bored in three minutes and start kicking off. There's plenty of time for that stuf when he's older and will behave.
1 reply · active 802 weeks ago
I think there is another side to this. I've travelled in a lot of countries where taking kids everywhere is more common. Not only do children learn to behave in other venues but people are also considerably more tolerant and friendly towards the children of others. While it may be a bit annoying to be reading in a coffee shop and have a baby whining, I think that the decline of arenas in the public where all ages come together is a tragic thing. As a single child-free person, I enjoy interacting with all ages when I travel in countries where that is still the norm.

Because western society has constructed this notion of people of similar ages belonging together in certain types of actitivies, we find it inconvenient to find other age groups at certain types of ideas. However, with the right kind of tour of an art gallery there is no reason that can't be age-apppropriate and fun - though paying attention to the lenght of time is key. In Korea, students of quite young ages know a lot about classical music and art and authentically enjoy it.
1 reply · active 802 weeks ago
There is also an argument to be made for children cultivating skills and behaviors at a young age that will allow them to better appreciate things when they are older. World-renowned musicians didn't get to be so by skipping the recitals and going to the park. I think there is a balance to be maintained, and for sure I think the decline of outside, unsupervised play of the kind I had when I was young is sad, it's not happening because kids are going to art museums instead. It's happened because the fundamental trust between members of society in the west is such that people suspect strangers automatically rather than the opposite. In Korea where it's socially acceptable to talk to, take to task, or even give candy to the children of strangers, kids walk around in Seoul after dark, alone, and safely. That wouldn't fly in the west anymore, hence the scheduled kids. After all, if you can't let them out with only their peers and you work, what else is there to do?
Not having kids, I'm going to stay out of this one.
Consider me not pissed off.
I have been heard to utter the phrase "I don't like other people's children" in situations like that. While I do somewhat agree with Amanda, that children need to learn these skills, if they are not held to the standards at home, or at McDonald's or at more kid appropriate venues then trying to teach them how to act at an art museum isn't going to fly. While the standard at McDonald's is different than the standard at Chez Whatever, they still shouldn't be running around McDonald's bothering everyone else. I, sadly, have relatives that don't parent their children, and it makes me crazy to have to tell them over and over AND OVER "that isn't something that is allowed in this house." Kids are smart, and if parents give them the tools, they can deal with and adapt to a lot of different situations, but someone needs to give them the tools.
I always think it is funny how some parents think it is "easier" just to let them run amok when they're little and not discipline or give them limits. How's that working out for them when the kids are teenagers?
1 reply · active 802 weeks ago
Common sense parenting went just like a suicidal stock broker...out the window! lol
Agree wholeheartedly. No need for it. I'm not a 'children should be seen and not heard' person, far from it. i bleieve that kids do need ot learn to be part of society etc but i also believe that kids should be allowed to be kids and taking them to an art exhibition and expecting them to behave in a mature and responsible manner is ludicrous. they're kids, they are going to do what kids are going to do, and they shouldn't be allowed to do it around expensive pieces of art or at the expense of other peoples pleasure. Not on.
I wouldn't even dream of taking my son somewhere like that, talk about a nightmare. Now the natural history museum or the science museum sure, or even a particular art exhibit geared towards kids with things you can play with and touch then sure. Being dragged around art galleries isn't introducing kids to culture, it's making them bored. I wouldn't take my son to a Royal Shakespeare Society production but I would totally ake him to a pantomime. Stuff that's geared towards kids is cultured too, just the kind of culture they can appreciate. And honestly? If my parents had spent weekends dragging me around all these "boring" places I certainly wouldn't want to be going back there as an adult.
In situations like that exhibit I always try and think, okay, maybe their sitter cancelled and this was their only chance to come; maybe the mom is having a horrible time and has no support and is at her wits end and wants to do one sane thing...
I do this, of course, to give me more patience, because I don't think there's too many good excuses for allowing your kids to be running about in a place like that. So I get what you mean. I also completely agree about not overscheduling kids, letting them just be kids while they can.
Well said Kat! My children have been grown for decades, but I often wonder about today's parents with all the scheuled activities too. As well, children appropriate exhibitions/events would surely be more pleasurable to the kid!
Jane Gaston's avatar

Jane Gaston · 802 weeks ago

Jeez, I spelled my name wrong!!! It's GASTON, thank you very much.
If you want your little darling to have an enriching experience with art BUY a book. Read it to them and talk about each work in the book. Then when they get old enough to appreciate the works they've seen in the books take them.
Common sense? What does that have to do with parenting?

I love parents like the ones you mention. You have to wonder what kind of stuff their kids are going to get up to when they are older.
Well said!! I am in total agreement with this one. I have taken my daughter to children's art museums on several occasions (and she loves it) but even there I don't let her run around, be noisy, eat snacks, or generally annoy people.

Of course, my kid is the 6 year old who rolls her eyes at misbehaving toddlers in a store and whispers to me "Mommy, that is not how to act in a store. Why doesn't her mom make her stop that?"
Amen Sister! This is very timely as my husband and I were just in Las Vegas last weekend and I was appalled by the number of kids running around/or being pushed around in strollers in the casinos at midnight. Um...no way, no how.
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
I wish I could print this out and give a copy to the parents I see doing this kind of crap. Wouldn't that be awesome?
Amen!!! I mean really people pull out your head... Applebees maybe the occasional Olive Garden is as nice as we will go with the kids in tow!
I have to admit I am delighted to see so much support for this, I had no idea if this little rant was going to go over like a lead balloon.

As for Amanda's comment, there's still an age-appropriateness aspect to consider. A 3 year old that has to be pacified with biscuits is different than an 8 year old that can be told to behave. A pram with a baby in it forms an obstacle that can make it hard for other adults to maneuver through a tight space (which some of the Kapoor exhibit is).
Great rant, Kat! You tell 'em!
Some people are too stupid! It never ceases to amaze me when people bring their out-of-control kids to places where they are obviously not welcome.

Our son behaves incredibly well under such circumstances, but why would I want to take him to anyway? Adult-only time is much needed for all of us.

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