Thursday, May 21, 2009

A Tale of Caution

Ok, actually this just might be another chance for all of you guys to have a laugh at my expense.  I may surprise all of you to know I was not an angel in high school.  I did not come home on time, I did really stupid things like drinking beer underage, dating really questionable boys and lying to my mother.  I never did homework at home (cause duh that is what the other class periods were for).  I know all of this is shattering your dreams of me.  I did however maintain really good grades, which saved my butt more than once in a pinch (because she's a good kid, never in trouble at school).  Anyhoo out of all the stupid things I did, this is by FAR the stupidest thing I EVER did.  No amount of good grades or teen aged smooth talking was gonna get me out of this one.  

I guess I should start at the beginning for this doozy of a stunt.  See I was a senior in high school, it was 1999 and I thought I was in-freakin-vincible.  Now, I had never been one to skip school, if I didn't want to be there I just generally called my mom and made up a fake ailment so I could go home.  Usually it worked.  This day however, I just did not want to go to school.  It was a nice day and I just could not see myself cooped up in a classroom.  I was gonna skip.  Now, my only problem was I had to drop off my brother and the exchange student who lived with us.  I swore them to secrecy upon punishment to death on the way to school and then weaved my way past the barriers into the Senior Parking Lot and dropped them off.  Then I turned up the music as loud as it would go in my dad's big red van and high tailed it out of the parking lot as fast as I could.  I didn't even notice the van jostle to the side a bit.

When I got to my friends house (yeah she had skipped school as well but she didn't even make the effort to leave the house because he mom left for work at the butt crack of dawn and was already gone by the time she woke up), I got out of the car and for some reason walked to the passenger side.  THEN I saw it.  A HUGE dent that pretty much crushed in the entire sliding door of the big red van.  Ho-ly shiiiiiiiiit!  I am in so much trouble.  How in the hell am I going to explain this one to my parents?  They are going to kill me.  See those barriers I had weaved through on the way into the Senior Parking Lot...well, apparently I didn't do such a good job weaving back out of them.  

I went into panic mode.  I went into my friends house and just sat there, almost catatonic.  All I could think about is how my life was going to end for the foreseeable future.  I had to make something up.  They could NOT find out I skipped school.  I needed a lie.  A really really good lie.  

I went home early that afternoon, before school had officially been let out because I was expected to be there (I didn't have afternoon classes), and waited for my mom to get home.  She came down the road in her 1980 Triumph Spitfire and I prepared for the lie of my life.  I showed my mom the dent on the side of the van and explained how I had come out of school that afternoon to find it like that.

"Well we need to call the police to make a report," she informed me.

Now, in my head I am saying every single cuss word known to man (and some I made up) and then I told her I didn't think we should.  She insisted.  Then she left to go make the call and then left to retrieve my brother and exchange student from school.  This lie was about to take on a life of it's own.  

On the way to the school she pondered where I had parked and how I had got this huge dent.  Then she asked my brother where I had parked.  He hesitated...cause technically I didn't park.  Then he told her that he didn't remember.  Then it clicked in her head.  I hadn't parked at all.  I hadn't been at school.  Meanwhile I was sitting at home clueless and still reciting all the cuss words I knew at the time over and over and over again in my head.

The police man got there and I explained that I really didn't want to file a report and he became really insistent.  Then I heard the unmistakable sound of my mom's car coming down the street.  I got one good look at her.  She was PISSED.  I mean seriously, if blood could have shot out of her eyes from being pissed off, it would have been.  She got out of the car and proceeded to chew my ass out about making false police reports.  The police man then got in on the act and chewed my ass out about making false police reports.  Remember *I* did not want to make the report.  THEY wanted me to make the report.  I was crying and carrying on.  I then told my mom that I had skipped school but I was not going to tell her how the dent got onto the car.  She assumed that one of my friends had backed into the van.  The police man left and my mom proceeded to keep chewing me out.  When my dad got home, he chewed me out.  Oh Granny got in on the action as well.  Everyone wanting me to tell how that dent got onto the side of the car.  I wasn't budging.

That night I got ALL privileges taken from me.  No car, phone, tv, radio, pager (we didn't have cell phones as teens back then), or computer.  I was to come home and do my homework (which I never had because I had done it all at school) and then read in my room.  The length of time?  One month.  I was in some serious crap.  My life as a teen was pretty much over.  

I survived the month.  I actually finally told my mom exactly what happened when I was twenty one years old.  She laughed at me.  It is funny now, but at the time, I thought my life was going to be over.  

(OH, and B, (my 16 year old cousin who reads this blog) see what happens when you skip school.  Nothing good comes of it.  Go to school, listen to your parents and for goodness sake be nice to your sister.)

*Also my Granny thanks all of you for the birthday wishes, but she wants you all to know even though she is now 70 years old that she could still run circles around us all.  

34 comments:

Chairman Bill said...

You should hear some of the lies I told. WHOPPERS.

Blogger blog lists still aren't updating.

Single Parent Dad said...

Naughty Kat.

I bent my old man's motor too. It was especially 'funny' as I had borrowed it, and trying to do a good deed took it to the car wash, the car wash took off his aerial. So I headed off to get a new aerial, only to get broadsided by a German tourist baffled by one of our ever-so-simple roundabouts.

It was a £35,000 company car, and as you can imagine, he was not best pleased. But after respective drinking of our sorrows, he called me to say it was only metal, and as I was alright that was the most important thing.

So it actually brought us closer together. I was doing us a favour really - he is still yet to see it that way!

Mark said...

Similar situation, oldest with two younger sisters, school came easily as well and since I was an Army brat it was kind of hard to get into trouble on base, well without the MP's knocking on the door. When I was in school we moved back from Hawaii to Virginia and we lived off base and oh hell the demons were unleashed. To this day my parents stil do not know the full stories.

One of the funniest was my parents and sisters went out of town for the weekend. My Dad gave me use of the car but he wrote down the mileage and said that I was allowed only 100 miles from the reading on the odometer.

Well you can surmise that I put on over 500 miles that weekend. Sunday found me and my buddy trying to find some Ferris Bueller way to unwind the odometer. Luckily the car that my Dad had, if you drove in reverse, the odometer would go backwards. So imagine my buddy and I driving backwards in the parking lot of the High School, for three hours spinning the miles off when a county police officer pulls into the parking lot and hits his lights. I had to explain what we were doing, why we were doing it but the officer just wishes us the best with that and laughed as he drove off. By the way, I only took 50 miles off and decided to just face the music, when my Dad got home. His comment? Well it's less than I expected you'd have put on.

Yaya said...

This is so funny. Lol!

I graduated in 99 too! (but I did have a cell phone!)

mo.stoneskin said...

Great story. I don't have anything to better that unfortunately, I was a good kid...

But I do remember how traumatic it was when I was in trouble. That's why it's great not to be a kid any more.

Badass Geek said...

Man, I would have been beheaded had I tried any of that in high school.

Good story, though!

Heather said...

I never got my license til I was 19 and so I missed out on all the driving to school drama.

Joanie M said...

I never got into any trouble when I was in school, but my nephew did. My brother-in-law was career army and they lived all over the world. Ah, my nephew, Steve, who did something bad enough (we never did find out what) that he had to go before the General at Ft. Lewis, WA. It was General Norman Schwartzkof. It often happens, when the kids get in trouble, Dad is the one who gets in trouble for not keeping those kids in line! Steve is now an Army officer, a blackhawk pilot, living in Alabama.

ChurchPunkMom said...

awesome.

I did a lot of skipping school. but I didn't get my license until months after I graduated. I walked everywhere I went.. and never dented a thing. ;)

notfromaroundhere said...

I didn't ever skip school, but I did have a party when my parents were out of town and I promised I wouldn't have a party... they did, of course, come home early and find all the carnage in the kitchen. Oops.

Michelle said...

That reminds me of the time I snuck out of the house, got busted by the cops and taken home. I thought my Mom was going to kill me. I begged the cop to just take me to jail!

Always Home and Uncool said...

A pager? Good things your folks didn't have GPS tracking available back then.

Employee No. 3699 said...

The first time I ditched school with some friends we decided to go to the zoo. I ran into an aunt and uncle but thank goodness they didn't tell my parents.

BeautifulWreck said...

I think every teen has a car story. I actually punched out my windshield when I was really pissed with my then onagainoffagain boyfriend when I Was 17. Got away with the lie I told. Told my dad I was on the interstate and a rock flew off a truck and hit the windshield. I confessed at age 30.

Sprite's Keeper said...

My mom stalks some of these sites so I'm admitting to nothing. ;-)

honeywine said...

Yeah, that was the time to come clean for sure. I'd have just told them I got it on the barriers and that I couldn't face going to school knowing that they were going to kill me later. I, of course, was an absolute angel and never did anything like this. Sadly, that is actually true. I wish I'd done more stupid crap.

Larkin said...

You said 'butt crack of dawn'. I totally thought I made that up.

My mom once caught me skipping at a local park. When she asked me why, I told her becuase there were ducks there. WTF?

Jenni said...

holy crap, kat, that is AWESOME!

Krystal said...

dude!! I never skipped school - I did stupid crap but I never skipped. Now I am so glad I didn't do it.

Captain Dumbass said...

Wow. I'm really really laughing at you right now.

Reinvent Dad said...

I got caught my junior year lying about a friend's (drinking) party. I had told my parents that his parents were home. They were out of town. Duh.

When they found bottle caps behind curtains, underneath the couch and in the fireplace, he confessed and said that I had stored the alcohol under my bed...this was true...what an ASS he was!

My punishment? A month that I couldn't go out with my friends, but instead had to hang out with my parents being "cultured" - musicals, plays, museums, etc..."cruel and unusual I say"

Lisa said...

I wasn't allowed to drive until I graduated. Now I think I know why! I did skip school a lot though. Usually, legally (the band room makes plenty of passes for the geeks who were in it). Though, when I lived in Florida we would spend the day at a friend's across the street. Almost every day.

Bobby G said...

HA! I skipped class, went to study hall w/ my friends, and I made up an intricate series of lies, they snowballed outta control. I got grounded for a month too! I too told my parents later and they said "I know" maybe one day youll get that mom radar!

Mariah said...

I did the same thing, except it was my car. Somehow I managed to hise it from my parents by parking on the other side of the street for a month before they noticed it

Cape Cod Gal said...

Wow you were a bad, bad, girl! I told some huge lies too, but I always got caught.

Season said...

When I was 16 I wrecked my supervisor's car. I was scared to death to tell my aunt (who I lived with at the time). I thought she was going to kill me, but luckily she didn't. Thankfully both her and my boss took it pretty well. We all do crazy stuff as teenagers... you just can't be good all the time :)

Auntie A said...

Your Mom's veins in her neck STILL
pop out when she tells that story.
I am pretty sure she told it to all your great aunts at the party.
Ain't it nice to know eventhough you were not there... you were in spirit??
xoxo
Auntie A

Eastern Reflections said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Eastern Reflections said...

Yeah.....the first time I ever got drunk in my life. It was your fault, Kat....remember that. YOUR FAULT! How embarrassing was it to have your boyfriend's MOM TAKE YOU HOME 12 AM IN THE MORNING B/C YOU ARE TOO DRUNK TO DRIVE BACK?! :-D!!!!

Lola said...

That's the kind of thing that always happened when I skipped school. I probably would have come clean before the cop arrived, though.

mocha beanie mummy said...

We would have been best friends at school.

Oh hell yes.

KMcJoseph said...

Great great great post!

It took me back to some lies I told as a teen.

And Beepers. I thought I was so cool wearing a beeper tucked into my front pants pocket so that it looked like you didn't really want anyone to see you had one.

kristi said...

Tee hee. I hit something in my Mom's car but luckily she never found out!

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