3 Bedroom Bungalow to Let in Crazytown: Separation Anxiety

Monday, January 4, 2010

Separation Anxiety

It started a couple of weeks ago. KiKi wet her pants. No big deal. I changed her pants, told her that big girls use the potty and thought little of it. Then it happened again and again and again. It is to the point that I am running out of clean underpants and trousers for the child! My washing machine is going at full tilt all the time. I am resisting the urge to put her back in diapers, because she *IS* toilet trained. She knows how to do it!

Then I got to thinking. Then I did some Googling (cause Google is never wrong). Talked to my Granny (cause Granny is never wrong either). Then came to a conclusion. The first time she wet her pants was a couple of weeks before my husband left for Afghanistan. Yes, he was here, but it was a time where maybe emotionally it was a bit strained around here. It was a time of frenzy. Maybe a conversation within earshot of the kids happened, I'm not sure. I am sure she knew that something was up. We told the kids about the deployment, and LaLa gets it. She knows Daddy is going to work in Afghanistan for a long time, of course not knowing the full implications of that. KiKi, well she just knows Daddy isn't home.

I know every child takes a deployment differently. LaLa has become a bit clingy and a bit overbearing. She has also started to test her boundaries to see how much she can get away with (not much La, sorry.) KiKi has regressed. I know it will eventually stop (at least before she is married) and I am trying NOT to yell, scold, and be "mean mommy" about it. I know this time is difficult for her, but it is also difficult for me.

I am so not looking forward to having to re-train her, but it looks like my only option at this point. Reward M&M's anyone?

Comments (32)

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Satakieli 51p · 795 weeks ago

My son wasn't/isn't potty trained when hubby deployed but he regressed in other ways. It's a shame that there just isn't more info out there regarding younger children and deployments. I was terrified, my son (who was just under 18 months at the time) stopped talking, stopped sleeping and would hit his head repeatedly on the door whenever daddy was supposed to come home from work.

Within a month or so it stopped just as dramatically as it started, although he would freak out crying whenever he saw a picture of daddy or heard daddy's voice the entire deployment.

Good luck with getting through it
xx

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Vic · 795 weeks ago

Good luck with getting sorted. At least you've recognised the source of the problem now and can work with it.

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Yaya · 795 weeks ago

Poor baby. :( That breaks my heart.

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Missy · 795 weeks ago

I feel badly for all of you! How old is she? Can you put her on a potty schedule? Tell her (nicely) that YOU will decide when she needs to go potty unless she can get there on her own first, then send her every two hours or so until it works itself out? That worked with my Oldest when she backslid at times. Good luck.

1 reply · active 795 weeks ago

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Laura · 795 weeks ago

My daughter (now 5) had several bouts of regression, usually when something was going on at home.

My son (nearly 4) is just doing the same thing, but I think his is more that he's engrossed in something and has become quite lazy over Christmas!

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Yvette · 795 weeks ago

Poor baby.
That is exactly what is happening. During the first Iraq War my husband was set to deploy several times. We would go throgh the whole elaborate ritual with our daughter.
She would go to be with his seabag at the door. And then wake up to him there because they had postponed the deployment.
Not a fun time. When talking about that time (she's now 25) she says it was so confusing and terrifying at the same time.
Be patient.

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Michelloui · 795 weeks ago

Kids are barometers of all the stuff going on in the house, and Kiki is an example of this. Is it separation anxiety or is it empathy with your feelings? We have one child in our bunch of 5 who is more anxious about seeing her parents emotions in an event than she is about experiencing her own feelings. Its interesting, and I wonder if Kiki is experiencing a version of this?

Sending hug vibes to you all. x

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SueAnn · 795 weeks ago

Oh dear! My son regressed too. But his was pure laziness! He was too busy playing outside to come in and go. Little snot! I am sure this will sort out with time. Sounds like you have a plan well in hand.
Hugging you
SueAnn

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TheLadyWhoLunches 68p · 795 weeks ago

I don't envy you at all. I'm not a mother, but I know whenever my mother was upset, we became upset as kids. So, as much as you need to take care of them, don't forget about yourself either! Easier said than done.

Much love to you.

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Sandy · 795 weeks ago

Poor baby, poor you. Thanks to all of you for your sacrifices, including the mountains of laundry!

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The Stiletto Mom · 795 weeks ago

How horrible for both of you....it's been so long since I was there and we only had one tiny regression which happened for no reason. I don't see anything wrong with bribing with M&M's, in fact, I think they can solve most of the worlds problems if used correctly!!!

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Maureen@IslandRoar · 795 weeks ago

Oh, I'm so sorry you have another thing to add to the deployment anxiety. I wrote a poem when my 22 year old son was younger, about how he was always a barometer of what was going on in our family. They sense everything, but there isn't much you can do about that. It's how they are. We just have to teach them to deal with themselves. Hang in there...

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middleagedwoman · 795 weeks ago

My very simple advice. Let her wear nappies or Pull-ups until she's ready. I'm betting she'll tell you when, and it will save you laundry and anxiety.

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fadkog · 795 weeks ago

Poor sweetie. I can only imagine how frustrating it is for all of you, and even then, I don't think what I can imagine would do it justice! That said, M & Ms still are good enough to motivate me to do anything, and now the Valentine's Day pink and white ones are (already!) in the stores!

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Aunt Juicebox · 795 weeks ago

Can I get in on that m&m thing too? =)

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WeaselMomma · 795 weeks ago

I can't imagine how stressful this time must be on your whole family. Just know that I am grateful for your sacrifices and am always around if you just need to rant or blow off steam.
Thank You.

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Pippad 123p · 795 weeks ago

I want the same as Aunt Juicebox, I have been to the toilet three times today... do I get three M&M's? Is that singles or packets btw?

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Blogging Mama Andrea · 795 weeks ago

We are still trying to get Chick trained the first time. And when I said We, I really meant I.

She'll have her moments I'm sure, poor thing. And you should probably give yourself a reward or two for not yelling. M&M's, ice cream, whatever works.

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Mom in High Heels · 795 weeks ago

I'm so sorry to hear this. We had regressions (though thankfully not potty regressions) when Mr. HH deployed when Indy was 3. It was awful. I feel for you and send you really, really big cyber hugs. If you ever want to come to Heidelberg while he's gone, we'd be happy to have you visit us.

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Brighton-Mum · 795 weeks ago

Poor little KiKi! I'm sure you're right about the reason for the regression (and of course Grannies are ALWAYS right!!). I think all you can do is exactly what you are doing, stay calm and just carry on. I'm sure it will pass fairly quickly, but the M&Ms will definitely speed it up! This must be a very tough adjustment for all of you, my thoughts are with you, much love. xx

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Jen · 795 weeks ago

Aw, poor little one and poor Mommy. Hope the retraining goes well and quickly.

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moonspun · 795 weeks ago

That's a hard one, sounds like, though, you have an idea on where this is going and M&M's never hurt anything. Right?

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Jess · 795 weeks ago

Hummm, that is a tough one there...

Now that I think about it, it seems weird that we have to be trained to use the bathroom.

Let's not count the times I peed my pants laughing. Or sneezing. Or calling Ralph on the Big White Phone.

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Cassie · 795 weeks ago

M&M's are a great idea. When we moved my oldest who was 3 at the time, started peeing in corners like a dog. Literally, he would pull his pants down pee in the immediate vicinity and go back to playing. I caught on whn everything in his room started to smell like pee. Count your blessings.

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Expat Mum · 795 weeks ago

Aw bless. Try not to worry about it - she's worrying enough for everyone it seems. One thing to think about - if she continues, make sure her little legs don't get sore. My daughter regressed when the next one came along, oh and I put her in nursery and generally turned her world upside down. All that pee on the legs takes its toll. Even the constant washing of legs can be hard on the skin.

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