Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Memo to KiKi

Dear KiKi,

The jig is up! I found that "news letter" from the "International Toddler Association". It was the one that had pointers on how to delay bedtime. Ha! I am on to you now! Just so you know I canceled your subscription to this "fraternal organization of toddlers in solidarity against the oppression of parental units". Where did you get the $34.95/per month membership fees from anyway?

From now on there will be no delaying bedtime. We will not be going back and forth about if you are hungry or not. "My hungry" is no longer a valid excuse. You ate dinner and had dessert, you are not hungry. "Mine juice" is no longer a valid excuse either. You have a sippy cup filled with water next to your bed for emergencies. Also there is no need for 15 different stuffed animals in your bed. You have a toddler sized bed, there is not room for you and half of your animal collection in the bed as well. You are now narrowed down to one baby doll and 2 stuffed animals of your choosing. I recommend "puppy" since he has been a constant companion for the last 4 months and "bear" who you have seemed to have developed a liking for recently as well. You will receive a potty break before bed. We will then put on a new diaper. Once this new diaper is on, unless there is a serious body waste emergency, you will not be granted leave from bed.

Nap time will now be strictly enforced. You will be in bed by 13:00 and will have an hour and a half to complete your nap. While this is a reduction in allotted nap time I am sure it will be more conducive to your sleeping needs.

Consequences for non compliance are the following: forfeiture of cuddly animals, earlier bedtimes, and revocation of dessert. Complaints may be made known to me in person or in writing. However, due to the dark circles under my eyes and snippy disposition you may want to forgo the right to complaint and comply with the new rules and standards.

Hugs and Kisses,
Mommy

(Maternal Managerial Unit)

25 comments:

Badass Geek said...

Kat! Bringin' the smack down!

Me, You, or Ellie said...

Um, yeah. Good luck with that. ;)

Ellie

for a different kind of girl said...

I remember having to battle that fraternal organization. They're a tough crew! Good luck!

Chris said...

*gasp* I bet she's contacting her lawyers as we speak.

Sprite's Keeper said...

Permission to leave a comment, Sir!

Kat said...

SK- Permission Granted.

Bobby G said...

My favorite is when a kid is SO TIRED they are fightin it, they look drunk, its good times!

rachael said...

OH I have been through this routine, its amazing how they can delay every single request until AFTER you have tucked them in.

So glad I am not the only one!

ChurchPunkMom said...

woo! way to go militant, mama. ;)

I wish you luck with the new regulations.. and expect your mission to be a success.

Sus said...

Hmmm. I may need to save this post for future reference.

The Stiletto Mom said...

I am dying laughing. Had I known there was a toddler association years ago, I would have been saved so much grief! Also, the next time someone picks up my wine glass, I am totally saying "Mine Juice" and then let them sit and wonder what the hell I'm talking about as I laugh hysterically. No really, I will.

Mama Dawg said...

Bravo! I wish I had known that LOML belonged to this association years ago. Might have saved me some sleepless nights!

Jess said...

That's right! You tell it like it is!

Cameron said...

If Kiki objects to another, make her drop and give you 20!

Lola said...

Right on, Mama! I was pretty militant when it came to the boy sleeping/napping, and it's paid off. Not a bit of trouble, ever.

If only I could get the same results with his school work ;)

Brit' Gal Sarah said...

Uh-oh I knew the Unions had to go elsewhere when they lost power elsewhere. You go mom!

Jen said...

Can you please make a copy of the letter and send it to my toddlers ASAP!

Employee No. 3699 said...

If only it were that easy.

Kristin said...

UNION!!!

Captain Dumbass said...

I think Liam purposely hold it for the last hour before bed so he can get up after we get him settled down.

Heinous said...

Kat laying down the law! Good luck with that.

splodge said...

Get yer whip out Kat!

Don't you just love that with kids? One command from you...and they do as they please!

Moonspun said...

That's a great post! Well done...

Mrs. Jacqueline said...

I have the same kind of naptime problems with my kid. I put one of those plastic doorknob guards on the door so she can't open it from the inside, put her in the bed for her nap and shut the door.

15 minutes later she's asleep on the floor in a pile of toys.

Doorknob guards. It's not neglect if you keep the baby monitor on!

colepack said...

yeah, good luck with enforcing that.....
They speak a different code.....