Emma's child is just over a year old. He is not quite a toddler, but not an infant. He lately has been using slapping as a way to express his emotions. At what point do we nip this in the bud? What do children at this age actually understand? My stance is at this age children are just learning to understand cause and effect. They may not have a complete grasp of the concept (heck, I know adults who STILL don't grasp it) but they know enough to get by. Therefore they are ripe for the beginnings of discipline.
When discipline is mentioned a lot of people, especially when the children are young, get a little overly sensitive. Discipline doesn't have to have a negative connotation. Discipline can be done lovingly. In fact children crave boundaries.
When a child is on the verge of being a toddler the most effective discipline is redirection. An example would be for a mother to catch the child's hand before they smack and saying "No, that hurts", and then redirecting them towards an appropriate activity. One step further is putting the child down in a safe spot and walking away for a few moments. Cause smack, effect mom put me down for a minute. At this age the concept will sink in after a few (maybe a lot) of repetitions.
When the child reaches the age of two a naughty step can become an acceptable form of discipline. I highly recommend this when correctly enforced. Think SupperNanny. A warning, then the naughty step, then they have to explain why they were in time out to you, they need to give some form of apology, and then cuddles. My children came to find that the naughty step could happen anywhere, even in public (you should have seen their faces when they got time out next to the coke machines at the mall). It worked though. I think the key is to be clear, be concise, and be consistent (even I have trouble with consistency though).
At the age of 5 time out no longer worked for LaLa so I have once again changed my tactics. This is a Dr. Phil form of discipline. Now, Dr. Phil as far as I am concerned is full of a lot of bull crap, but this actually works. I found her currency. What item does she crave more than anything else. Once I found that currency I knew that I could use it as leverage. An example of this is "If you don't do A then B will be taken away for an hour/a day/a week/until you earn it back" and it works. Once again be clear, be concise, be consistent.
Now, I am not an expert; I don't claim to be one. I just know what has worked for my family. Let me tell you, the best reward as a parent (next to cuddles and kisses) is having a stranger tell you how well behaved your children are in public. It makes all the hard work worth it, and it is HARD work.
susie · 769 weeks ago
mochabeaniemummy 98p · 769 weeks ago
It sounds a bit tough love, but they will always love you (especially when they do the cuddles thing after) and like you (Kat) have said, the greatest reward indeed is other people saying how great your kids are. DEFINITELY. :D
xx
Expat Mum · 769 weeks ago
The one thing I really hate to see is a punishment that's far too severe for the crime and about which there has been no warning at all - "Right, that's it, you're going to bed without supper" type crap. Gives the child no chance to stop the behavious first.
The Good Cook · 769 weeks ago
Your children will be better adults, happier, well adjusted with good social skills and job skills if you start early and be consistent. I think your advice is right on.
And why would you not call yourself an expert? Mothers ARE experts when it comes to their own children!
Irish Gumbo · 769 weeks ago
Amy · 769 weeks ago
coven1013 49p · 769 weeks ago
Emily O · 769 weeks ago
Tari · 769 weeks ago
Lily Ruth's Mama · 769 weeks ago
I like your methods, Kat. They mirror my ideas, and I LOVE validation :-P
Pollyanna · 769 weeks ago
I agree consistancy is key. The bummer is when your kids don't react the same way to the same type of discipline. I've got one who is devestated when you take something away and the other is devestated by isolation. It's particularly tough when they are in trouble for the same reason (fighting for example) and I feel like I'm dropping a double hammer - lose the object fought over AND sit on their beds . . .
gette · 769 weeks ago
michelloui 36p · 769 weeks ago
I have a friend who is completely ineffective in disciplining her son, to the point where he is now (at 12) a really mean, self-centred child who I cant stand to be around. He treats her like crap and in fact he has been the reason she and I are hardly friends any more. I find it hard to believe she has been so short sighted--what may have seemed indulgent or 'making him happy' at one time is simply ruining his chances of having a happy life.
BrightonMumTeenAngst · 769 weeks ago
granny · 769 weeks ago
The greatest compliment a mother can receive is when her grown up child says to her," You were strict but I always knew you loved me." I wonder how much a parent loves a child and does not discipline them.The child grows up being so self-centered that no one wants to be around them.
Even though I did make you behave you still love me, don't you.
I still love you bunches and bunches.
Granny
Vic · 769 weeks ago
Emma · 769 weeks ago
susie · 769 weeks ago
Anyways-in the past few weeks I have gotten quite a few remarks of how lucky I am ,after I say may kids have done such and such around the house. Lucky my ass (pardon my language, oh forgot language is okay on this blog lol)
My kids know that they are part of the family unit and need to chip in. If that means cleaning, babysitting or grocery shopping they do.
It has gotten to a point when my son comes home from the army for a weekend he asks me what needs to be done. He is looking to be a contributor.
It is all about consistency and rules and love.
BTW-I would highly suggest Dave Ramsey's commission plan like he describes below: It has definitely taught my kids to understand all of what he talks about.
ANSWER: You should start teaching your kids about money as early as you start teaching them about sex, which is the first time they show any interest and have any questions. Don’t over-answer questions. Keep it age-appropriate. The point is that this is a process. If you have one talk with your kids about sex, you’re going to have pregnant teenagers. Teaching kids about sex is an ongoing process throughout the entire time they grow up. It’s not a one-time thing. It’s just part of life. Money is the same deal—as soon as they start thinking about it or talking about it.
No, I don’t like allowance. Allowance is like welfare. We put our kids on commission. You work, you get paid; you don’t work, you don’t get paid. We had chores associated with certain dollars, and when you worked, you got those dollars. Some of that money was put in an envelope that said “Saving.” Some of that money was put in an envelope that said “Giving.” Some of that money was put in an envelope that said “Spending.” We taught them to do each wisely—saving, spending, and giving.
You teach them four major goals by the time they’re 10, or you’ve got a problem already when it comes to money. That’s giving, saving, spending, and work. They need to emotionally connect work to money. I meet 54-year-olds who have still not made that connection.
Kat-hope it's okay this was so long-if not just delete it.
Muddling Along Mummy · 768 weeks ago
I think its about consistency, children like to know where the boundaries are and whilst they'll test them all the time keeping them in the same place makes them feel safer
Lynda M O · 763 weeks ago