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Thursday, August 27, 2009

Dear So and So...If I Have Told Ya Once, I Have Told You A Thousand Times

Dear Landlords, Letting Agents and Electrician,

Firs of all Letting Agents I don't expect perfection. Hell, I don't even expect a good job. I kind of just expect a half assed job. Your level of performance doesn't even get to half assed. So heres, the deal, my husband almost got electrocuted when he was changing a hallway lightbulb. This piece where the light bulb screws in, yeah it kind of fell off and sparked at him. And since we aren't dealing with the big dog 220 current instead of the 110 current that we have in the US, it kinda freaked us out. So of course when we called we were a little unclear about what we needed done. However, when we say "We need an electrician out here, " the proper response is "OK," not "We'll get in touch with your landlord, or "Well, are your lights still working?" Cause yes, most of our lights are working, we are just a little worried that we are gonna get 220 volts through us.

Which brings us to you lovely landlord, when the letting agents does call, pick up the phone. You seem to be the hardest landlord in the history of landlords to get ahold of. I know you live in the US, time difference, yadda yadda. No excuse. It is only a five hour time difference and I am sure the Letting Agents are aware of it. While you are getting on the whole picking up the phone thing could you answer a few more questions? Can we paint the house? We have only asked this about 50 times with no answer to the question. Do you want us to keep dropping off your mail to the Letting Agent? We are still getting a TON of mail for you.

Electrician, yeah when you say, "I will be there tomorrow afternoon," up! We waited and waited and waited and waited and waited. No show. Thanks for that. A call or something would have been nice. I mean we only had to jump though hoops for a week to get you on the phone due to the Letting Agents and Landlord. So we were a little excited that you would be coming to check out the house and fix it so we weren't living with exposed live wires in our ceiling. I guess we all have to learn to live with disappointment, eh?

Still have exposed wires in my ceiling, Kat

Dear Readers,

Grab the button in my sidebar and play along by leaving your link with Mr Linky. Believe me once you get your letters written you feel so much better!

Peace Out, Kat

The Darkside

In a Bungalow Far Far Away....The Man has now joined The Darkside. No not THAT Darkside (although that would be awesome!) I joined The Darkside back when I got so sick of Windows based PCs that I impulsively bought a Mac (best decision EVER), and now he has joined The Darkside by scrubbing Windows off his PC and installing Linux. Dun Dun Duuuuunnnn! That P.O.S. PC that he was about to battle axe? Yeah, it works like a dream now. There was nothing wrong with the actual machine, it was the Windows. Now we are just on the learning curve and have to figure out how to use it....

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

RTT-Actual Quotes From The Bungalow and such

It is Tuesday and I am back! HaHa HeeHee HoHo! I spent a lovely few days showing my parents in law around my part of England. I think they had a good time. I certainly did. So it is time to unleash some random upon the internet you can thank Keely for this. Grab the RTT button and play along if you like.


Quotes from around the Bungalow....
I can't even make this up:

"Let's play smash Daddy's computer with a battle ax"-The Man

After riding a small carousel in the St. Edmondsbury Gardens...

"I named my horse Pippa and KiKi named hers Doo Doo"

While the girls were playing make believe LaLa said in a very peeved voice...


Conversation this morning:
Me- "What are you girls playing?"
LaLa- "We're playing pirates and I have to be a princess!"

Life Lesson:

"Always jump on the loose ball!"-The Man

Yesterday I watched The Man have an epic battle against the wasps that are swarming around our recycle bins. He was armed with wasp spray, black work gloves and his wits. A hard fought battle was won and he reclaimed our recycle bins.

Sam Kitty made another bid for freedom the other night. He was however hindered by getting stuck up on the neighbors roof. So, The Man had to rescue the cat off the neighbors roof at midnight.

Sometimes when I watch YouTube Videos I don't even watch the video I just read the comments. Man people get their panties in a bunch for no reason. Seriously. They like to argue over petty details.

I have passed down my love of encased meat to LaLa and KiKi. Their new favorite meal at the pub is sausages and chips (fries). LaLa is also a fan of fish and chips.

Ummm...That is all you are dismissed.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Dear So and So...Voicemail

Dear Readers,

I am out running amuck in the English countryside. My parents in law are still here visiting. Don't worry, I haven't been getting into too much trouble. Oh and I talked to Amy (from Bitchin Wives Club) on the phone and she made it to the UK and is doing alright other than still not having any broadband. Anyhoo, I am getting sidetracked, yeah so I slacked out and didn't write a Dear So and So for today; but you guys can totally do it and leave your links with Mr Linky for me to read later! That would be awesome.

Have a Great Weekend Guys!

Love Ya Mean It, Kat

PS- I totally suck at leaving voicemail messages. They usually turn into long rambling nonsensical messages that end with "OK...ummm so it is me...give me a call!" Ya know, after I have talked about the weather, what LaLa did that day, and why I haven't called sooner...

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Take a Look

Take a minute and just take this photo in....

I got this photo in an email. Now, I get a lot of photos of soldiers and this one made me tear up.

1. Look at the expression on the woman's face. Pure relief and pain.
2. Look at the age of her child. Can't be much more than two years old.
3. The average deployment to Iraq or Afghanistan is a year long.
4. Do the math; this little girls mom has probably been away for half her life.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Things Learned on The Man's Vacation

- Sparta never died...I am Sparta!!
......wait a sec..Spartans didn't have beer guts! (farmer's tan brought to you by the USAF)

- Who said you cant play Metallica with a garden shovel?

- Big fire always what if my fire teepee is bigger than my fire pit?

- Play in the back yard ONLY!

- Fire safety. Always have a garden hose on hand!

*This post wrote by The Man and edited by Kat. The Man's parents are in town so Kat won't be around much.

** He was watching Spartan Vs. Ninja on a show called "Deadliest Warrior" earlier in the day.

*** My apologies to the ACTUAL Spartans and the film 300.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Random Tuesday: Oprah, Leprosy & Italian Cars

I can kill you with my eyes.

Oprah scares the hell out of me.

Oh ya, it's


So, hey. It's me, Captain Dumbass. Kat is layin' low and asked me to guest for her. I haven't done a Random Tuesday on my own page for a month now so I figured why stop now. Hopefully people will actually come and read though since for some reason when you say "I'm guest posting" on your own page that somehow translates to "leper" and people don't want to follow the link to where ever you are. What's the deal with that? It's one click? Why am I asking you? If you're here then you did. Or, you're one of Kat's regulars and you're really wishing Kat was here. Well TOO BAD! I got the keys to the bungalow!

Things I Like

I'm sure Lincoln would be proud being lumped in with vampires and zombies.

I rented Wii Resort Sports for my boys last week. There's this great sword fighting game in it that you unlock after you've won a few other games. Basically you walk down a path and are attacked by groups of other sword carrying resort members. Let me tell you right now, I AM A FREAKING NINJA!

Oh my God, boys! A Ferrari? It's not even my birthday! You can stay up as late as you want and eat candy for dinner everyday!

And then I woke up. And had a cigarette. (except not really since I don't smoke)

A couple of weeks ago my boys tried Guitar Hero for the first time. Now my oldest keeps asking if we can play Hungry Like The Wolf by Hannah Montana. I've given up trying to explain this. We don't actually have Guitar Hero so he wants to play by using two previously confiscated hockey sticks. Two minutes after giving them back because I thought it would be cute, him and his brother were trying to kill one another. Lord of the Flies. You don't have to send them to an island.

This is from a local Vancouver news station. If you like dogs and other peoples discomfort you'll enjoy this.

Latest movies watched:

District 9 - messy, but enjoyable.

Ramen Girl - enjoyable, though Brittany Murphy looks a little like a recovering heroin addict through most of the movie. But maybe that's just me.

Return to Witch Mountain - I loved this movie when I was a kid and I enjoyed the remake. I'm sure if my kids had an attention span longer than a minute they would have enjoyed it too. How did The Rock go from being big wrestler guy to cute and squishy Disney character though? Aside from the boatload of cash?

Ok, it's over. Please make your way to the rear exit doors and ensure you've removed any valuables. We are not responsible for any lost or stolen items. Any complaints can be made directly to the Un-Mom.

Oh, and check out Ms. Malady. She makes me laugh and laugh and laugh...

Friday, August 14, 2009

Dear So and So...Getting My Act In Gear

Dear Self,

You totally sounded like the bad guy at the end of a scooby doo episode this morning. "If it wasn't for those needy kids I would have gotten away with 2 more hours of sleep too!" What is up with them wanting to get up at the crack of dawn anyway?

In need of a quick kip, Kat

Dear Zyrtec,

While I love your allergy reducing qualities, I have had to skip you due to some weird dreams you seem to give me. Pulling back skin on my foot and seeing pumpkins seeds inside. TOO WEIRD. Very Gross! Extremely disturbing!

Dude!, Kat

Dear House,

Clean yourself. K, Thanks.

Meh, Kat

Dear Glade,

Best commercial!


Dear Readers,

Grab the button on my sidebar and play along. It is fun! Don't forget to sign up with Mr. Linky once you write your letters!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

A Funny Expat Story

Ok so yesterday I unleashed my rant, but today I will tell you a funny story. When my parents were here we went to Windsor Castle. If you are planning on visiting the UK, this should definitely be on your list of places to visit. Not only is it still an active royal house, but it is also a architectural gem. Towers, moat? Yeah, it has them. It was amazing. I am not just saying this.

So after we had taken in the castle we (my parents, husband, the girls, and I) decided to take in the rest of the touristy part of Windsor. They even had a McDonalds (score for my girls).

We didn't just eat a McDonald's though. After we were completely spent and running on empty we wandered down a street and ended up at this little hole in the wall of a bistro (where Shakespeare happened to live and wrote the "Merry Wives of Windsor") and had a nice little dinner before we had to meet back up with the tour bus and make our way back to Suffolk.

The actual story happens while we are eating. There were two obvious American tourists (they were from Connecticut) sitting at the next table to ours hemming and hawing over what to eat. One asked what a "jacket potato" was and the other who was as uninclined as the other guessed. It was sad, really. So me, being me, turned around and said " A jacket potato is a baked potato, and I recommend the bacon and cheese, it is probably the best choice, " or something along those lines and insert some friendly American banter (which is how I found out they were from Connecticut). They thanked me and continued to hem and haw. "Bacon, what exactly is bacon," *sigh* They then asked me something along the lines of " is it bacon or Canadian bacon" *sigh* "Well it is bacon, but it is British bacon, which has considerably less fat than American bacon, so I guess it would be closer to a thinner Canadian bacon," I offered for their consideration.

Now, what I wanted to say is "It is British Bacon, which has less fat than American bacon, but if you want American bacon you should ask for "streaky bacon" but then you will have everyone in here looking at you like you are a loon because streaky bacon to the Brits is not the creme de la creme. Oh and they probably don't have it anyway at this little cafe. By the way, ham is called gammon," but I didn't and that was an exercise in restraint. I am such a saint.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

The Rant

Dear Stupid Americans Stationed in the UK,

Do you know how lucky you are? Really? You sure don't act like it. You act like the UK owes you something. You act like you are better than the British who ya know, are FROM here. Just because something doesn't work right, or isn't what you are used to doesn't mean "that is so British," said in your condescending tone. You do realize when you use that attitude you make me, one of the Americans who isn't stupid, look bad. I have to prove myself not to be one of you. It isn't like the British around the base haven't gone above and beyond to make the Americans feel at home. We can drive our American cars here, and yet knowing the size of the road you still bring enormous SUVs and I shit you not I saw a dully truck here. THEY DON'T FIT ON THE ROADS HERE!!!! Emblazoning the words "Yank Tank" on the back of your HUGE truck doesn't make you cool, it makes you stupid. How do you even fit that thing on the road? I have a hard time with my Jeep Compass. Oh and parking the damn thing? You practically take up three spaces. I feel like an asshole when I shout "stupid American" when I go to park but can't because you have parked a blind grandma. Guess what, if you can't fit your car in the lines in the car park, it is too damn big. Do the right thing and find a space towards the back of the car park where it doesn't matter if you take up three spaces. The people who have smaller cars will thank you. Oh and just because things don't work like they do in America doesn't mean that they are "stupid" they are just different. Get used to it, you're not in the States anymore. The washer, yes it takes longer. Oh well, adjust. I did. My dryer takes 6 hours sometimes to dry clothes, it isn't because it is "British" it is because it probably needs to be fixed. So when I mention this in polite company, the correct responses would be "oh that sucks," not "that is so British," because believe me, if a British person had a dryer that took 6 hours to dry one load, they would be calling a repairman as well. Did I mention half my friends are British? Did you know I got a better reception and got made feel more at home by the Brits here than I did by the Americans? I had friends here from other bases here that introduced me to their friends (Brits) and those friends have become some of the best friends I could have ever wished for. It actually really offends me when you refer to something that is inconvenient as something that is "British". Just because it is different, doesn't mean it is wrong. And you, you with your loud demeanor and over the top attitude, well you just make ALL Americans look stupid, not just the Stupid Americans. So, stop, think and appreciate your host country. It isn't everyone who gets the opportunities that we as military families get. Learn to adapt to your surroundings. Try to understand the culture and then maybe I will quit referring to you as a stupid American.

Cheers, Kat

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

RTT- Better Late than Never

Heh, that's what SHE said. Anyhoo Tuesdays were made for randomness and this is my randomness. Sponsored by Keely (OK...not really sponsored, cause if she sponsored it I would get something cool in return like a zombie), go check her out by clicking the big purple button.


So, Chad, aka Captain Dumbass won a pink video camera that Amy was giving away from BlogHer. I was so so so so jealous. I had tried my hardest to win that camera using flattery and all my persuasive skillz. Chad won and I congratulated him and then questioned his manhood cause it is pink. I am probably going to hell for that. Thy shall not covet thy neighbors electronic devices.

So apparently the supplimental carrier for my husbands sports tv channels went out of business. They just happened to neglect to tell us that they were disappearing, so then my husbands ESPN America disappeared. (Can you hear the shouts of disapproval). So then he was questioning if the bill got paid, and freaking out because he couldn't watch his baseball, cause OMG the world will end without baseball. So I was a good wife and straightened it out. Cause we CANNOT NOT have baseball.

I read entirely too much TMZ. I can't help it. It is a sickness.

My rant will be published tomorrow. Stay tuned. I need to go through and edit it and add some things.

Recently I have started Skyping with my mom instead of calling her. The girls love it because they can see their MiMi and I like it because it is more like having a face to face conversation rather than always being on the phone. Plus it is free! Now we just need to get Gran signed up.

I guess that is all my thoughts for now. Catch you crazy cats later!

Monday, August 10, 2009


Sometimes I wonder, how much should I really share. Should I put it all out there and just let the cards fall as they will? Should I hold back what I am really thinking? Do I risk completely pissing off potential friends? Lately I have been seeing things that just don't jive with me. I am not one to name names as it is, but there are conversations that have been brewing in my head that I want to get out in the open because they just peeve me off. Nothing to do with my family life or with people that I know through blogging. That should narrow it down a bit. If they find my blog, would I be able to stand by what I spew onto my blog? Would I risk it is the question...

Friday, August 7, 2009

Dear So and So...I Told Ya So

Dear KiKi,

Dude, that was not a "I just fart". Not. At. All.

Love the Chief Butt Wiper, Mom

Dear Vanish Carpet Cleaner,

Waste of money. Whole bottle, no "extra" dirt out of the carpets. You stink.

Dissatisfied Customer, Kat

Dear 409 Carpet Cleaner,

You may take a little extra elbow grease, but ya work. Thanks.

Happy Customer, Kat

Dear Finance Dept.,

Screw you and your bureaucracy. It's been 2 months since Sweden already. That is all.

Where's my Money, Kat

Dear Readers,

Grab the button from the sidebar, tell off those who annoy you, praise those who need praise and then link up with Mr. Linky.

Love Ya Mean It, Kat

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

RTT- I Can't Think Of a Title So You're Just Gonna Have to Deal With It

Alright everyone it is Tuesday. Which means it is time for some Random Tuesday Thoughts! Strap on your big girl (or boy-we don't discriminate round here) pants and enjoy my therapy session for the week. Oh and head on over to Keely's place, grab the pretty purple button and play along. Don't forget to leave your link over there so I can read your therapy session as well.


So is it weird that when I was talking to my mom and she mentioned United Airlines, I remembered that they used to sponsor the Oprah show. You know, like back when she was like Diet Jerry Springer (man hating, KKK having on, air your family dirty laundry but don't get into fist fights ya'll Oprah). Pre gag me with a spoon philanthropist Oprah*. Yeah.....

Got a tour of KiKi's new nursery school. It is a couple of hundred year old farm house that has been renovated to accommodate a school. It is still a working (now organic) farm. The kids get to help with the animals (ponies, alpacas, goats, ducks) and learn to plant veggies as part of the curriculum. So basically it is like a forced labor camp that also teaches your children their colors and alphabet. No really it is really nice and the staff is really friendly. Plus, it teaches kids responsibility, which I am all about. Plus it is literally a two minute walk from my house.

Apparently summer in England means flies ga-freakin-lore! Of course this makes for hours of entertainment watching Sam Kitty and Elizabeast chasing the flies. O! I think Sam just got one. He is totally eating it! Grody!

I just spent 10 minutes looking at the wikipedia entry for "valley girl" because I used the word grody. Seriously. Welcome into my head people...

So my nose is on this mission to slowly kill me. Not kill me all at once, because that would be way too convenient. No it has decided to post nasal drip me to death, at night, when nobody is paying attention to it. Everyone except me, the one who only got 4 hours of sleep last night.

LaLa got up this morning and made a hullabaloo about having to wear jeans to Vacation Bible School, so I told her "You can either wear jeans to VBS or I can go back to sleep. Your choice." She wore jeans. Oh ya, did I mention that it is chilly enough here in AUGUST to wear jeans? Usually in August I am just trying to catch my breath from the stifling heat of Missouri or S. Carolina; not yelling at my kids to wear jeans so they don't freeze their bean pole bootays off.

Anyhoo, I think I am done for the day. I am gonna try to catch a nap before I have to go pick up La from VBS; which actually means I will lay here and be further assaulted by my allergies. Post nasal drip, ewwww gag me with a spoon!

Monday, August 3, 2009


This morning I got KiKi registered for nursery school. Egads! My baby is growing up. We snagged the LAST spot for the mornings. While I am excited about her starting school, I was dragging my feet when it came to signing her up. I know she needs to go. She needs to be around other children. I am gonna miss her though. She is my buddy. She is funny. She is my baby. Signing her up for school seems like the end of her babyhood to me. I just don't know if I am ready for it. Deep breaths, Kat, deep breaths.