Let's File This One Under: It Could Only Happen to Me

I had just finished cleaning the bathrooms at the Bungalow, so I opened a window in the front bathroom to air it out.  I then left the job, well done I might add, and went to check my emails and do some twittering in the kitchen.  A well deserved break after spending an hour scrubbing toilets, tubs and sinks.  I had been seated maybe 5 minutes when I heard someone in the front bathroom.  I yelled at KiKi to get out of the bathroom (she likes to play in the sink) and she responded from the living room "Not in the bathroom!"  Oh, just the cat then.  No big deal.

CRASH!!!

"What the hell???"  I ran into the bathroom to see this.

Click to Enlarge

My cat broke my toilet.  

Remember that open window.  Apparently it looks like a really nifty escape hatch to a cat who thinks he is a POW.  Unfortunately his path was impeded by  a large barrel jar candle and candle stand from PartyLite.  Actually here is a picture of exactly what was in his way.

When he tried to jump out of the window, and failed, he landed on the candle apparently and knocked it off the windowsill where it was sitting.  The candle itself came out of the holder and the glass of the jar candle hit the edge of the potty and shattered it.  Now how exactly do you explain that to the landlord?

Well this is how you explain it to the landlord.

Me-  Hi.  This is Kat from 3 Bedroom Bungalow.  Well, I have a problem.  I am going to need a repair man to come out and replace a toilet because, well, my cat broke the toilet.

Landlady- *starts laughing hysterically*  

Me-  I know, I feel really stupid calling you, but he shattered the toilet bowl by knocking a candle that was sitting behind the toilet down off the windowsill.  

Landlady-  I can do you one better.  I broke a toilet by having a candle collapse a shelf I installed in my washroom above the toilet.  I'll have the plumber out tomorrow to give you a quote on a new toilet.

Me- Thank you.

I still feel like an idiot.

Update: The repair man came by to survey the damage and said he "needs to make some inquiries" because "the toilet may be obsolete".  Crap!

Wordless Wednesday- The Looks Kids Give You

Random Tuesday Thoughts-Lets See How Much We Can Embarrass Ourselves Today!

It's Tuesday!  You know what that means.  Time for Random Tuesday Thoughts!  This is the part of this little blog where I unload all the things swirling around my head on you, my helpless victims readers.  You can thank Keely for this.

So Wednesday I was doing laundry (haha big surprise) and I decided since it was such a lovely day outside I was going to dry the laundry outside on the line.  The clothes line I have is one of the ones that is a pole with arms that come off the side with line running around the arms like a spider web.  It was collapsed for the winter of course and that meant I had to set it up.  No problem right?  Ha!  That is what I thought.  It goes up like an umbrella, how hard can it be?  After 10 minutes of struggling with it, I looked around and thought to myself, "Man it is a good thing I live back off the road and my back garden is fenced in because I look like a gigantic dork doing this!"  I finally got it set up after much cussing and even more will power because dammit my bath mats are going to dry out on the clothes line!!!

Shopping List

Milk

Eggs

Bread...

Clothes Pins

I was on the computer last Tuesday night talking to my friend ChurchPunkMom and discussing some shoes her husband wants but are only available in the UK.  I needed to bookmark the page so I could remember where to find them, etc. and I couldn't figure out how to bookmark it on Safari (have only been using it a week) and so I asked Captain Dumbass.  I think the conversation went something like this:

Kat- How do you bookmark things on Safari?

Him-  You go to the bookmarks tab.   Are we good enough friends that I can call you a dumbass?

Me- Of course!  *dies a little inside*

I was at the commissary the other day and found My Precious Cherry Coke Zero.  Apparently My Precious Cherry Coke Zero is only stocked about once a month or maybe once every two months, hid in the back of the store and they only order one pallet of it.  I grabbed three 12 packs.  Always thinking ahead.

Google really pisses me off sometimes.  I don't have my Blogger acct (owned by google) and email acct under the same google identity so in order to follow blogs I have to jump through hoops.  What happened to following with one little push of a button?  Google, you need to get your act together, bro!

LaLa was so excited about getting to wear summer dresses to school that she walked around for about an hour holding the sides of her dress like she was a princess.  Kid has issues.

I mowed the lawn for the first time ever in my life on Friday afternoon.  I am pretty sure I lost my legs somewhere in the back garden.  If anyone finds them could you return them!  Just ring the bell at the side door.

I made the mistake of telling LaLa that Tinkerbell wasn't real and she sang "Tinkerbell isn't reeeeeaaaal" for about a hour solid.  I think she was in her own way mourning Tinkerbell.  Geez this kid is gonna take it hard when I tell her about Santa, The Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.

Yesterday Elizabeth got a piece of play doh stuck in her nose.  At first I thought, oh it'll just come out.  Then my neurosis' kicked in and I was thinking "Oh my God she could inhale that and it could get stuck and she could die!"  So I picked her nose.  Yes, I picked my dogs nose because I was afraid she would die from play-doh.

Ok I think I have done enough embarrassing myself for this week.  Check out the rest of the Random Tuesday posts by clicking that picture up there and reading the rest of them that are posted a Keely's place.

I'm Just a Little Black Rain Cloud

Yesterday was a spectacular day.  The girls and I accomplish a lot of chores that have needed to be done for quite a while.  We cleaned out closets and donated the clothes to charity, we organized the shoe closet, and we went to ASDA to find a battery size that I have never heard of (still can't find it).  For those of you who don't know, ASDA is owned by Wal-Mart and it is more like a Tesco than a Wal-Mart.  More emphasis on groceries than stuff.

The weather was beautiful and sunny except for a few errant rain clouds.  I love it when it rains when it is sunny outside.  Just a quirk of mine.  One the way home we passed under one of these little black rain clouds and LaLa asked if it was going to rain all day.  I told her "No I think we are just underneath a little black rain cloud."  Then she got really excited.  

"Like Winnie the Pooh!"

"Yep like Winnie the Pooh!"  I was actually shocked she remembered the little black rain cloud story from Winnie the Pooh.  

Then she started singing the song:

"I'm just a little black rain cloud

hovering under the honey tree..."

I got a good laugh. I then I asked "What happened after Pooh was hovering under the honey tree?"

"He got bees in his mouth!"

"Then what?"

"He got chased by the bees! Then his balloon got popped!  Then the bees chased his some more and he had to hide under the umbrella with Christopher Robin in the mud puddle!"

I was just having such a good time listening to her explain the story to me.  It made the drive back to the house a lot more enjoyable than if the girls had been fighting in the back seat as usual.  I remember loving the tale of "Pooh and the Honey Tree" when I was a kid and I am glad that this love is shared by my girls.

How Moms Really See the World, Around the World.

Parenting can be a frustrating gig.  There are somedays when you are up to your neck in laundry, have a mountain of dirty dishes, have a kid screaming in one room and you just know the other one is in the bathroom squeezing toothpaste into their hair.  There are days when you look at your spouse and ask "Who told us this was a good idea?"  Then one day you have a day, a great day.  You know the day I am talking about, one of those days where you feel like you are one of those annoyingly perfect parents.  Everything runs smoothly.  You have everything clean at the house, the kids are behaving well out in public, one of the kids tells you something astounding that they learned at school, everything is good.  

For A Different Kind of Girl, my homegirl (is homegirl still an acceptable term?) from Iowa asked me to participate in a project of sorts.  It is an online dialog that was started by Catherine from Her Bad Mother.  It sort of a world tour of mom's from across the world.  It gives a brief glimpse into the reasons we love to be moms.  Or as Catherine said "We want to see if we can pull together a global playdate in 80 clicks."  

So I am joining FADKOG in this global playdate.  I am probably going to laugh and cry though the whole thing; fair warning.  So here are the five reasons (although there are many more) that I love being a mom.

1.  I love seeing my girls turn into little people.  Every once in a while I get a glimpse into what my girls are going to be like as adults.  LaLa, the serious one.  She I imagine as an artiest with impeccable fashion sense living in a quiet small town.  KiKi, the one that I imagine will live in New York, making a living off her fancy law degree, but knowing how to let her hair down and have a good time as well.  

2.  I love passing off my love of a wide variety music.  LaLa, has got to the point where she has learned to sing along with songs.  She usually only gets the chorus but it is awesome to hear her singing the actual words to the song that is on the radio.  She also recognizes tunes that don't sound exactly the same as the first time she heard them.  She can hear two extremely different versions of a song and then say "Hey that was the song I heard on...," just by the tune.  

3.  I love watching my girls become best friends.  Now that KiKi is old enough to understand rules and how to play with others, these two have become the best of friends.  KiKi looks up to LaLa as not only her sister but as her #1 friend.  LaLa has a lot of friends at her school, but when we are standing outside her classroom in the schoolyard she always yells for KiKi to join whatever activity she is doing with the older kids.  She wouldn't dream of leaving her baby sister out of the fun.

4.  I love the innocence of childhood.  LaLa will make friends with any kid.  She has no preconceived notions about anyone.  Everyone is equal in her mind.  I wish more adults were like that.  KiKi has no fear.  Although it could be dangerous for her to leap before she looks, I love that she is willing to try anything.

5.  I love my kids imaginations.  They can make up their own fantasy world and play in it for hours.  There are not constraints to what they come up with.  One day they are princesses, the next day they are shop keepers.  When we were living in Missouri, LaLa would line all her stuffed animals up on the stair case so that her and KiKi could put on a "show" for them.  The well of imagination never runs dry.

So that is a few of the reasons I love being a mom.  In order to keep this dialog going I am going to tag Mom in High Heels who is another military mom. She is living in Germany with her GI and her adorable son.  Plus she is a fellow Cubs fan.  I would love her to share some of the things she enjoys about being a mom with the rest of the world.

Things They Should Tell You When You Move To England, But They Don't

When you have a child in school here, read the school bulletins the day you get them! Otherwise, you might miss something that is happening the next day at school.  Today is St. George's Day in England.   You may have heard of him. 

 

George of George and the Dragon fame.

I missed the memo on when St. George's Day was.  So today when I took LaLa to school, I noticed something was up.  None of the kids were in uniform.  The girls were dressed as Princesses and the boys as superheros (because apparently not many boys have knight outfits).  Awesome.  LaLa immediately starts crying about wanting to be a princess.  Awesome.  So I ended up dropping LaLa off at her classroom and driving back to my house to look for a princesses costume that didn't have a stain down the front.  Then I had to drive back up to the school and drop it off at the office, with the 50p. non-uniform day tax fee.  Crisis averted.  

Another thing that is not in the moving to England required reading is the fact that there is really really really long days here in the spring and summer.  The sun comes up somewhere around 6am (I don't know the exact time because frankly I am not conscious at the time) and it doesn't go down until sometime after 8pm.  My kids have a bedtime of 8pm.  It is pretty strictly enforced during the school week.  Do you know how hard it is to get a kid to bed when they are convinced that it is still day time?  I tell LaLa to get into bed and I get the protest of "Mom it isn't dark outside!  It is still morning time!"  To which I just sigh and say "Get in the bed," because at this point of the day I am just exhausted and I don't have much fight left in me.  I then spend the next hour shouting "Go to bed or your not going to school tomorrow!" from KiKi's bedroom to LaLa because well KiKi sees it is light outside too and well if it isn't dark outside then it means it is play time.  By the time I get both of the girls to sleep I am done.

They really need to start adding sections in the "Moving to England for Americans Manual" on time changes, lesser known holidays, and school communication methods.

Target Numero Uno

The village I live in is fairly small.  It would only take about 45 minutes to walk around the whole place.  In order to get to my best friends house, it takes 22 minutes on foot and it is all the way on the other side of the village.  It is inhabited by a mixture of both English and Americans due to the American base being literally right across the street.  No really the name of the street is "The Street".  The closest town is also fairly small, but is larger than this village by leaps and bounds.  Now to my point.  The next town over apparently has a large population of Jehovah's Witnesses.  

If you know anything about the Jehovah's Witnesses you know that they like to preach door to door.  They are very smooth with their tactics and like to engage people in conversation about religion using their religion to steer the conversation in a way that is supposed to get a person to think a-ha well this is the way I should believe too.  Because the size of my village is so small it is very easy for the door to door preachers to navigate and boy do they ever.

I was first visited by them on Friday.  Now if anyone knows me, I will not hesitate to discuss my faith with anyone.  However, by doing so with these guys, it seems as if I have invited them to stop by anytime.  They stopped by again on Sunday afternoon.  Once again, I am not opposed to sharing my views.  This is my problem though, I am confused as to why they think that I would in anyway ascribe to their way of thinking.  First of all, my husband is in the military.  Jehovah's Witnesses are against military service.  Second, I like birthday parties, Christmas, and national holidays.  They don't celebrate any of these.  Third.  I made it clear that I was already actively engaged in another faith and would not be swayed into another.  Was the fact that I know my Bible (all be it not as well as some) an oddity to them?  Do they actually think that I can be converted?  I don't know.  What I do know is they seem like nice enough people, but I would like them to stop coming by so often.  I can stand once every few months, but twice a week?  That is a little overboard.  Well maybe if they keep coming by I can make them into Baptists unknowingly.  Now that would be funny; the preacher becoming the converted.

Guest Blogging

I am not here today.  You can find my guest post (which actually posted yesterday but I forgot to tell all of you) over here.  Thank You Mike for letting me take your place while you got a much needed break!

I Should Read the Manual

I am trying to figure out how to use my digital camcorder today.  We bought it about 2 years ago and I have taken videos with it.  Unfortunately I don't know how to use it in order to upload videos to the interwebz.  Maybe one day I will learn to read instruction manuals BEFORE I toss them in the bin.  Anyhoo until I can figure this out, I don't have much to say.  Instead enjoy this music video.  It is Ladyhawke who is very popular here.  She is very sounds a lot like Blondie.

My Dog Hates The Dog Whisperer

I was sitting on the couch flipping through channels and settled on The Dog Whisperer.  I love me some Caesar Milan.  Not like that.  I just think he is really interesting.  However Elizabeth did not like my choice of viewing.  It wasn't Caesar who set her off it was those other ill behaved dogs she didn't care for.  Oh and she let me know it.  

It first started out as a low growl directed to the TV.  A warning shot if you will.  The it progressed to a little one off bark.  She definitely disapproved of the badly behaved Yorkies.  Next thing I know she is standing on the sofa, hair raised on her back full out barking at the television.  I have never seen anything like it.  She was actually pissed off at the unstable dogs on the TV.  Now the funny thing is, once Caesar had relieved the dogs of their bad behaviors Elizabeth went back to sleeping on the couch, well until the next badly behaved dog appeared.  

This time it was a overly dominant German Shepherd.  Low growl, bark, then full on barking once again.  Of course I told her to knock it off and she laid back down, but you could tell that she was not comfortable until Caesar had worked his magic.  It was one of the strangest things I have ever seen.  Elizabeth on of the most calm and submissive (Caesars terms, not mine) had lost her cool with dogs that weren't even physically here.

Now the question is, should I continue to watch The Dog Whisperer or avoid it?  Should I make Elizabeth watch these badly behaved pooches?  It is still up in the air.  

Two of a Kind

Have you ever seen two people who are so in sync that their bond is undeniable.  That is LaLa and The Man.  They are peas in a pod.  They always have been.  She is his constant shadow when he is home from work.  She dithers about the house with him trying to help him with yard work, or whatever project his is attempting at the time.  She has become an excellent tool and flashlight holder.  She goes to fetch him water when he is mowing the lawn.  She is his little buddy.

For the last few months my husband has been on swing shift which means he works from 3 pm (goes in at 2pm) until mid night (usually gets home around 2am).  He was usually still asleep when she left for school and had already left for work by the time she got home from school.  Their schedules were just not meshing.  So the only times they saw each other was on the weekends.  These two days a week the two could not be separated.  They would go shopping together, run errands together and she was happy as a clam.  

During the week when I was pulling single parent duty she never hesitated to let me know that I was not the favorite parent.  When she didn't get her way "I want daddy" or when she was bored "So when is daddy gonna be home?"; yeah she is that blunt.  Oh well, I don't mind.  I am just glad that she has that bond with her dad.  It is something special to see between a father and a daughter.  I am also glad that he is off swing shifts as well.

Wordless Wednesday- Title This Photo

(yes LaLa really is asleep in this photo)

Random Tuesday Thoughts Part Deux

It's Tuesday!  Which means I got a whole lot of random built up in this old noggin of mine ready to explode upon blogger.  Go over to The Un-Mom's place where the randomness began.

I almost killed the whole family in a roundabout on the way to the zoo.  NO REALLY.  I should have been in the right hand lane of the A11 but I was in the left and it was bad.  Sorry guy I cut off!!  Don't worry, I made The Man drive home.

This is the second week of LaLa being home from school and I am getting way too used to sleeping in.  When school starts next week I am gonna be in a world of hurt.

Does Mac not let you do keyboard shortcuts like ctrl c and ctrl v?  I am not used to actually having to go up to a menu to copy and paste.

This morning I had a bowl of Special K cereal and a yogurt for breakfast.  What I really wanted was scrambled eggs, bacon and hashbrowns.  It was an exercise in self restraint.

Convo with LaLa 2 seconds ago

LaLa- Mom, you spell no N-O.  I don't know how to spell anything else.

Me-  You know how to spell stop.

LaLa-  Yeah, but I don't know how to spell Eagle.

*look of confusion from me*

(she then tried to spell Eagle on her own and it came out as E-G-O-L..which is pretty close)

My voice is still gone.  This kinds stinks for me because well...I'm a yeller.  I go to yell at my kids and my voice cracks and then goes silent.  Which actually makes it do the same amount of  good as when I actually yell...not a whole lot. 

Sam, the cat, has been extra crazy lately and staring out the windows constantly.  The reason?  Pigeons.  There is a flock of chicken sized pigeons has taken up residence in my backyard.  They taunt him.

Well I think that is enough random for now.  I need to get to work and start doing some of the errands that I promised The Man I would get done today.  Ta Ta For Now!

1st English Easter

Easter at the Bungalow was as usual a little bittersweet.  I love this holiday and always have a great time celebrating it with my kids but I always miss my family back in South Carolina. This is how it is for me most holidays.  I always have a mixture of things that go right and things that go wrong.  I never seem to pull off that perfect Easter like my mom did when I was growing up. 

My Easter weekend started with the deaths of both my laptop and my desktop computers.  I think the laptop may be salvageable but needs a new hard disk.  It shouldn't be too hard to replace but I need to call HP to see if it is under the new extended warranty that I purchased a couple of months ago.  If not, then I will just go find a new hard disk and replace it myself.  I talked to my Dad and it doesn't seem like it is too difficult.  If that doesn't fix it, then I don't know what I will do.  We will just have to cross that bridge when we get there.

In the meantime I guess most of you guys saw my message on Friday evening.  I went and bought a MacBook.  I have actually not used an Apple computer since I was in elementary school, when the Apple II computers were all the rage.  So it has been a few years to say the least.  Learning how to use a system other than one that is Windows based has been like learning how to ride a bike all over again.  I finally think I have my balance and know what I am doing, but I expect to fall and skin my knees a few times.  I am still confused as to why the MacBook doesn't have a SD card slot.  What is up with that?  

So Saturday evening, the Easter Bunnies in my house decided to play a friendly game of Risk once the kids went to bed.  About halfway through the game they decided to take a break and set out the Easter baskets.  Now, Mommy Easter Bunny did not have time to get to the store to purchase Easter items, so she sent Daddy Easter Bunny on his way home from work.  He came home with two premade Easter baskets and no extra candy or plastic eggs.  Needless to say at 11pm when the Easter baskets were being set out, Mommy Easter Bunny was scampering about the Bungalow looking for extra goodies to stick in the almost bare Easter baskets.  She came up with conversation hearts that hadn't been given out on Valentines day and toys that Santa had accidentally left at the top of one of the closets.  After the crisis was averted, she went back to her game of Risk.  At 1am a draw was called (even though Mommy Easter Bunny was coming back and was totally getting ready to kick Daddy Easter Bunny's butt) because it was getting late.  

The next morning, the girls woke up and had a blast rummaging through their Easter baskets.  They were thrilled with the new DVD that Daddy Easter Bunny has picked up in a stroke of brilliance.  They also thought the new toys that Mommy Easter Bunny had found in the top of the closet were the bees knees.  My kids are pretty easy to please.  They didn't even notice the lack of candy (there was some but not a lot) in their baskets.  

We then went to the Banham Zoo.  KiKi had already been to the zoo once when my parents were here, but this was the first time for LaLa at this zoo.  This zoo is kind of out of the way in a small village about 40 minutes away from the house.  Honestly, the first time I went to this zoo I was not expecting much.  However, it is an awesome zoo.  It has a very large variety of animals, and honestly is one of the cleanest zoo's I have ever been to.  I have been to quite a few large zoo's, which include the National Zoo in Washington, DC and the Kansas City Zoo and I have to say, this little zoo is better.  The only animals it doesn't have that I wish it had, is lions and elephants.  I could go on and on about this zoo but I think I will save it for another post.  Lets just say we had a marvelous time there.

By the time we got back from the zoo it was 4pm and the evening Easter church service on base started at 5.  There was just no way we were going to have time to make it.  So I went and got everyone some dinner and I settled onto the couch to watch Pastor Rick Warren give his Easter sermon on FoxNews.  (Hey if I couldn't get to church, I was at least going to try to get some sort of Easter message.)  It was int erupted by the breaking news that the Captain of the Mersk ship that was hijacked by pirates off the Somali coast was freed by the brave Navy Seals.  It was an Easter Miracle.  Earlier in the week, I had said "it is going to take a miracle to get that man home alive".  Well that miracle came in the form of Navy Seals.  My hats off to the Navy and the fine job they did to get that man home safe and sound to his family.  

Lastly last night, I called my family to wish them a Happy Easter.  They were gathered at my Auntie A's house.  I spoke to my 16 year old cousin B, and he told me that I sound like crap because I have lost my voice from this zombie cold.  Then I talked to my Granny, who gave me a hard time about not making it to church, which I had promised her that we would attend.  I should have made it to church, but I still had an awesome day out with my kids and husband.  Once I get a cord for my camera, since this MacBook doesn't have an SD slot, I will share all the pictures I took over the weekend.  I hope you all had as great Easter or Passover weekend as I did.  I may have not pulled off the perfect Easter like my mom used to, but I did my best.

Bit the Big One

Apparently the movers killed my desktop computer as well.  Went and bought a new laptop.  Still pissed off.  But, I loves my new MacBook so far.  Still hoping to fix the HP as well but I am not crossing my fingers, you should hear the noises coming from that piece of crap.

ACK!

My computer is dying. I got the blue screen of death 5 times today. I am seriously thankful it is working long enough for me to post this. So if I don't visit any of you guys or I don't post for the next couple of days it is because my lap top D-I-E-D. I am trying to get a computer cord for my desktop computer but tomorrow is Good Friday, which is a bank holiday so the shops will be closed. I am backing up this computer on my external hard drive right now and hoping for the best. *crosses fingers* Then I will try to reformat and hope that my hard drive really isn't screwed like the computer keeps telling me.

Convo with the Captain
Me: I need to go get a computer cord, but the shops are closed because it is Good Friday.
Captain Dumbass: Damned religious holidays!
If Jesus were here now, he'd have a computer and he'd understand. Then again, he'd probably have really good tech support.

I wish I had really good tech support right now.

I Hate it When..

Tuesday night, well it was more like early Wednesday morning I was laying in bed coughing my ass off and I got the best blog idea in the world. Don't ask me what it was, because I can't for the life remember. I just remember that it was pure awesomeness. However, due to either being high on cold medicines or the fact that it was roughly 3am when I had this spark of awesomeness, I completely forgot it. That is why you guys got a half-assed Wordless Wed. post yesterday. Not that all of my Wordless Wed posts are half assed, because usually I have them planned out weeks in advance when I am doing them. Yesterday, through my Dayquil, Mucinex, Flonase and Advil induced haze I just found a halfway decent picture. My appologies for being a slacker.

So today I am having my last delivery of heating oil for the season delivered. This would be uneventful except for the fact that I am used to paying cash for the oil and don't have the cash on me. This means I have to send a check (cheque) within the next 3 days to the oil company. Yay for having a brief class from Domino on the finer points of writing a check in England back in November. Hopefully I still remember how to do it. Otherwise I am going to be sending frantic emails to Mike from over at Postcards from Across the Pond asking him the finer points of how to write a check.

Oh I lost my debit card somewhere inside my house on Friday night. I know it is inside my house and that is what is driving me crazy. That and the fact when I had it in my back pocket after ordering pizza on Friday night, I specifically remember saying to myself "I better not keep this debit card in my back pocket or I am going to lose it". Then I remember putting it somewhere so I wouldn't lose it. Now, it is nowhere to be found. I have searched high and low in this house to no avail. I am convinced that I have debit card stealing gnomes in my house (or maybe just children that can't keep their paws off things that don't belong to them). If you see my debit card around here could you please send me an email about it?

Rock On

Random Tuesday-Sicko Edition

I am having a hard time concentrating today (big surprise there), so I am doing my first "official" Random Tuesday post. This is the brain child of Keely over at the UnMom. You can thank her later. Oh an Captain Dumbass, he is the King of Random, you should go over and read his post for today. I haven't read it yet, but I am sure it will probably make you pee yourself laughing. OK now, lets bring on the random.

* I don't know if I have gone to the bathroom by myself in the last 5 years. If I don't have one of the kids in there the dog or the cat feel the need to come in there with me. Sam the cat wants me to turn on the facet for him so he can get a drink, and Elizabeth figures that I can't escape so it is time for forced cuddles.

* I am still sick. I have some good days and some "will someone just please take me out back and end this swiftly because I think I am dying and I think I just coughed up some of my lung and it is sitting right there please just shoot me" days. I have also learned that if I raise my voice to yell at my kids it will throw me into an uncontrollable bronchitis induced coughing fit. This also happens when I laugh hard.

* Last night when my husband was surfing though the tv channels, Elizabeth jumped up on his lap and rolled onto her back so he would pet her tummy (she always wants her belly rubbed). His response was "EWWW get your old lady nipples away from me, beast!" They look funny because of her having the puppies and them actually getting used there for a while. I laughed really hard at this and then went into a coughing fit. Then called Liz over to me so I could give her some lovin' and sooth her hurt feelings.

* My kids think I am awesome because I let them play with play-doh and paint all in one day. The truth is that I was just too sick to deal with them begging and it was just easier to let them have their way.

* Yes my lens on my camera was dirty when I took those pictures. I have cleaned it since then. I took these pictures yesterday of my back garden. Spring is springing.

(As usual these are best seen big. Click on the Pics)

* Last night I was trying to get the girls into their PJ's for bed and I called KiKi to me to change her pull up. She came over to me and took the pull up off. Then she took off running (naked now mind you). I tried to call after her, which threw me into a coughing fit and my husband into a laughing fit.

*Oh and Dawn at Bee and Rose is having a ginormous giveaway at her place for her 100th post. You need to go over there and try to win something. Plus she is funny as heck too so you might have a new blog to follow as well.

*Last 10 Songs
-The Proclaimers "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)
-The Killers "Somebody Told Me"
-The Gourds "Gin and Juice"
-Metallica "Broken Beat and Scarred"
-The Toadies "Possum Kingdom"
-Alice in Chains "Heaven Beside You"
-Hall and Oates "Maneater"
-Rush "Tom Sawyer"
-Warren G "Regulate"
-Darius Rucker "Don't Think I Don't Think About It"

Take care everyone. Love ya. Mean it. Smooches!

I Can't Relate

Have you ever heard a complaint or maybe just a comment that you just can't relate to? For me it is someone who is complaining about shopping with both of their kids in tow. Don't get me wrong it is as much of a pain in the rear end to me as it is for anyone else, I just never have really had another option.

See my husband has always worked pretty crappy shifts since he has joined the military (for the past three months it has been roughly from 2pm til at least midnight and usually later than midnight). It is either long hours or a deployment. He is just not around much when I need to get the shopping done. Back at the old base I could leave the kids with him on the weekend to do the shopping, even though that is breaking the first of the cardinal rules for grocery shopping the military. Do NOT shop for groceries on the weekend. The second rule for grocery shopping in the military is do NOT shop on payday or especially pay day weekend. At this base shopping on the weekend is a bad bad bad idea. Have you ever seen a line all the way from the cashiers to the meat department in the back of the store? I have. It just seems that the path of least resistance for grocery shopping is to just grab the kids and go during the day.

Now that LaLa is in school it has actually become a lot easier to get my shopping done during the day. One less kids to deal with. However, I usually have something come up during the day and don't get to the commissary on time. So that still leaves me shopping with both of the girls in tow. It really isn't that big of a deal because they both know the drill now.

See the last time my husband was deployed (to Guam) we came up with a system. Back then, KiKi would ride in the basket seat (she was around 18 months old at the time) and LaLa would help me pick out the items. It slowed my trip down, but it eliminated my problem of LaLa trying to wander off, run down the asiles, or the dreaded lollygagging. I hate lollygagging more than anything in the world. Not to say that we didn't have our problems, but we had a system*. Now we (I) have refined the system to incorporate both of the kids in the shopping. I will say "Hey we need juice." Then I will give them choices and they get to pick on of the choices for the juice we will get. Then one of them will drop it into the cart. It usually works pretty well**.

I guess what I am saying is sometimes I have more in common with single parents than I do with married ones. Not that I don't have the most awesome and helpful husband in the world when he is home. He helps out as much as he can around the house and I have absolutely no complaints about him at all when it comes to being helpful with the kids. It is just that he is gone a lot. It is the nature of the military beast. We just have had to learn to adapt and overcome for an activity that a lot people would try to avoid.

* We also had a system when LaLa would misbehave and I would ask her "Hey LaLa, who's the boss?" and she would say "You're the boss." and then I would say "Ok then listen to me"...it actually worked. Of course that got muddled the moment The Man got back from Guam. Then it was like "Hey LaLa, who's the boss?" and she would be like "Ummm well....." Thanks kid.

** The there are also time when I have to have a pow wow with them in the middle of the produce department and say through clenched teeth in a really low voice "So help me God if you two do not stop acting like heathens I will leave this cart right here and we will go home."***

*** Yes I have left a full cart of groceries in the middle of a store before because my kids were acting up. Sorry people at Wal-mart in Warrensburg, MO. My bad, but my kids were acting like heathens.

A Case Study on Sick Mom (by 5 year old child)

Mom hasn't felt well these past couple of days. Frankly she is a little hot and cold in the temper department. I have compiled this list of recent behaviors to demonstrate the demeanor of our subject, Sick Mom.

3:30 pm- Mom looks a little green but she is all smiles as she picks me up from school.
3:32 pm- Mom won't let me have ice cream from the ice cream truck. She is evil.
3:35 pm- Ask mom if we can decorate Easter Bonnet for the Easter Egg Hunt tomorrow at school. She says "Can you let me get in the door first?" Obvious hostility.
3:40pm- Mom lets me eat all the sweets I purchased today at the school fair. She is redeemed.
4:00pm- Mom on phone with Granny and keeps shoo'ing me out of the kitchen. Geez!
4:48pm- Mom offers to let us do crafts. Markers and crayons rock. She is awesome!
5:15pm- Hot dogs for dinner with BBQ chips. This woman is really trying to make me happy today.
5:56pm- Mom is yelling at me and KiKi to quit fighting. We aren't fighting. We are having a fundamental difference of opinion.
6:12pm- Mom just took away my markers for coloring on my self. That woman is a killjoy.
6:36pm- Mom says if we clean up the living room she will let us watch a movie. How is that fair?
6:54pm- Mom is a slave driver. Living room clean.
7:10pm- Mom put in Horton Hears a Who for us to watch. Score!
7:15pm- Mom even made popcorn (not the pre-popped stuff in the bag for once). Something has seriously be wrong with her.
7:50pm- KiKi and I are bored with the movie so we are running around the living room. Mom thinks this is not cool. She needs to chill.
8:24pm- Mom says we have to go to bed. Now. Gosh!

Apparently Sick Mom is a benevolent dictator. Nice enough to lull us kids into a false sense of security and then brings down the mighty hammer when we least suspect it.

Still Alive

After 3 hours in the ER I have the diagnosis of bronchitis. I feel like I have been hit by a truck because all my ribs and my abs are sore from coughing. Got a breathing treatment of albuterol while I was there. Of course I am allergic to the good cough medicines with codeine in them so the best I can get are wimpy tessalon pearls. The doc at the ER also gave me Flo-nase "just in case". I told the ER doc about my experience with trying to get an appointment and she scoffed and said "typical". Apparently she isn't impressed either (which might be why there was a 3 hour wait at the ER).

I really wish I could say something positive about the whole experience, but I can't. It was a pain in my ass and just confirmed my own diagnosis. The only thing I got out of the whole thing was some crappy cough medicine that doesn't work very well and Flo-nase.

Anyhoo, I am gonna go lay down again. If I don't get around to reading or commenting on blogs today, know that I would have if I had the energy.

Military Medicine or Why Free Aint All Its Cracked Up to Be

I have a horrible cough and chest congestion. Not a cold mind you, I don't a have a runny nose or nasal congestion, I have a really really bad cough. A cough that has kept me awake for two nights straight. I finally broke down and called the base hospital to get an appointment. For the record, I don't call the hospital for every little sniffle and sneeze. I hate going to the doctor. I would rather suffer through a cold than go to the doctor. They aren't going to tell me anything new there if I go for a cold. Sleep, drink clear fluids, take some over the counter stuff, run a humidifier. Yeah I know all that. A couple of weeks ago, I did have a cold, which turned into an ear infection and I still didn't call the hospital. Why? I knew they would just throw antibiotics at me. It is what Military doctors do. Guess what? My ear infection went away on its own. No antibiotics needed.

So today when I called, I really needed to go. Instead of just making the appointment, the girl at the desk and I have this little conversation:

Her: What are your symptoms.
Me: Chest congestion and coughing. I coughed all night last night and didn't get any sleep.
Her: Well I will get the nurse to call you about your cold symptoms.
Me: I don't have a cold. I have severe chest congestion and a really bad cough.
Her: I'll have the nurse call you. Can I get a contact number?
Me: My number is XXXXXXXXXXX
Her: Ok well the nurse will give you a call.

It has been almost an hour since that call was made and not a peep from the nurse. I am still coughing my head off. I have taken Mucinex DM which is pretty heavy duty stuff for a cough. Not touching it. Now, I am all for having free health care, but really when I call for an appointment. I want an appointment. I don't want a nurse to call me. I don't want her to give me "advise". I want to see a doctor. Someone with a medical license. I want someone to physically look at my charts and say "Hey I see you have a history of pnemonia, lets get a chest x-ray just in case". Hell, I'll even take someone who just wants to throw antibiotics at me at this point.

This is what you deal with when you have free health care. You get triaged. Now, I could wait until 4pm and just go to the emergency room, skirting the "rules" but do I really want to sit in a waiting room for 3 hours this afternoon? Nope. I am trying to do things the "right" way, but I get triaged into the "Oh they just have a cold" department. Nice, real nice.

Well I will just sit here and wait for my nurse to call me and tell me that it is all in my mind. Cause I just have a cold. Yeah a cold with no runny nose. Asshats.

Edit- It has been well over 2 hours so I called back to the hospital. They basically told me the nurse was busy and she would get to it when she could. Nice.

Edit #2- Still no call back 4 hours later. I am debating the ER on base after I pick up LaLa from school. Really don't want to sit in the ER with 2 kids though. Hubby is working night shift so he can't watch them. Joy, Oh Joy!

Edit #3- Well that was a complete waste of time. Talked to the "nurse" who told me to drink plenty of water and take Mucinex. Screw this I am gonna find a way to go to the ER after I pick up LaLa from school. I can't stand this any longer. My chest feels like it is on fire.