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Friday, August 29, 2008


Final exams are taken. I am officially out of school now. I will have a Bachelors Degree. I won't have to take anymore time away from my family. I am done. I am a college graduate (except I won't walk cause the campus is too far away).

Thursday, August 28, 2008

The Same, but Different

It really and truly irks me when parents say they love their children the same. They may love their children equally but I think it does injustice to say they love them the same. All children are different and need to be loved in different ways. The love doesn't even have to be really equal, as long as the child gets what they need emotionally.

As for my children there is no way to love them the same. On the personality spectrum they could not be further apart. LaLa is a highly emotional and sensitive child, she needs constant attention and approval. KiKi could care less. She is independent and headstrong. The challenges of parenting these two personalities are complex.

My oldest LaLa is the sweetest little girl. She is very loving and she carries her heart on her sleeve. She is also very cautious, high strung, ADHD, and anxious. Sometimes I can look at her and see the energy flowing in her just waiting to burst out. It is like a dam holding back a swollen river. My job as a parent is to funnel that energy into something that is productive. If not, I have a kid bouncing from sofa to sofa, doing forward rolls all over the living room floor or pulling out ALL my DVDs and lining them up in a perfect line across the living room floor. I also have to watch my tone and wording with her. The slightest raise of my voice, even if I am not angry, can make her burst into tears. I have perfected the low authoritative voice because yelling does me not an ounce of good if it is counteracted by hysterics and a complete emotional meltdown on her part. She craves structure and I am the most unstructured person in the world. I have to force myself to plan ahead for her benefit. This complex individual is wrapped up in a beautiful willowy body, with her fathers dainty facial features. She is an exquisite child and I love her so much. She love me too. Sometimes when I am laying on the couch, she will just come up to me and wrap her arms around me and say "I love you, Momma!" and that means the world to me.

KiKi is a mirror of myself. I can't believe how similar our personalities are. Laid back is an understatement. Unlike LaLa, I "get" KiKi. I understand what she is thinking. I can read her without much effort. She is rambunctious, loud, fun loving, and stubborn. Oh Lord is she stubborn! Try to get this kid to do something she doesn't want to do. I dare you. I double dog dare you. My husband call her "the mean one", which in truth she probably is. She picks on LaLa because she has figured out she can. You can see a little glint of mischief in her eyes when she smiles. It is fabulous. She does have a strong sense of wrong and right even at age 2. Even when she does wrong, she understands when I make her apologize and put her in timeout. I rarely get much resistance from her when it comes to her punishment. She needs me, but not too much. She values her independence. She makes me want to be a kid all over again.

I love my kids differently but equally. I see their good and their bad. I see the trials that they are going to have in the future and it scares me equally. I fear that LaLa is going to be taken advantage of. I fear that KiKi is going to be emotionally hard like I am. The best I can do is to prepare them for the future and explain that it is o.k to be themselves. They do not have to fit the mold of the perfect child, they just have to be their own perfect.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Can't Do it Myself-itis

For the last year Can't Do it Myselfitis has been running rampant in my household. The worst case is my 4 year old daughter LaLa. She knows how to do things like put her shoes on, get dressed, get a drink of water, but she insists upon help. It is maddening. We can be running 15 min late, I am telling her that we are going to be late, she knows the consequences of being late and she will still insist that I help her put her shoes on. Now lets say I refuse. The first symptom of Can't Do it Myselfitis is the whine. "But Mommaaaaa I neeeeed heeeelp." Which is then followed by a feeble attempt. I am sure you have all seen this. LaLa's favorite feeble attempt would be pretending that she is trying to shove her foot into her shoe with absolutely no force behind the actual push. This is the one thing that irritates me beyond anything. Self restraint isn't always my forte' and this is one of the things that can send me over the edge. I could deal with it if she was actually trying and couldn't get a shoe on, but faking it....grrrrrr. Finally she realizes that I am not going to help and she is going to have to get the shoe on herself. She cries and does what she needs to do to get the job accomplished, but she doesn't like it and is going to let me know.

Thankfully KiKi is fiercely independent. I try to help her put on shoes, and she tells me no. I try to help open a juice box, and she doesn't want help (but I help anyways because I don't want to clean up a resulting mess). I wonder if when she hit 4 years old I am going to have another case of Can't Do it Myselfitis on my hands.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Saturday Fun-aka. What happens when the Internet goes down.

So halfway through Friday my internet service went out. Actually the entire base here lost their internet connection (well except for vital base buildings I am sure). It was quite a pain in the rear end because this was my last week of actual classes for school. It was down until Sunday morning, which left me with plenty of time to do some fun things Saturday.

My best friend is back from England visiting her mom who lives about 45 min away from base. The Internet outage left me plenty of time to go down to her mom's house for her 9 year old daughters birthday party. It was sure to be a good time in the middle of nowhere. No really. The "town" has a population of 63. Yes. 63. So you can imagine what the area around the town looks like. Farms, woods, country roads, and thats about it. There is actually a little Amish community that we have to pass through to get to her mom's house that is quite beautiful. You do have to watch out and be careful not to hit any Amish who drive their horse and carts down the roads.

So Saturday morning I packed up LaLa, KiKi and "The Man" and went to McDonald's for breakfast (cause I wasn't in the mood to cook). Then I realized I forgot my damn military ID at home. Which means I can't get back on base. So after breakfast we drive back to base, my husband leaves me at the visitor center to gab with the cops who work in there, and he goes and gets my ID. I swear he got lost on the way back to the house cause it took him like 20 min. Our base isn't THAT big. I was joking with the cops "I bet he got to the house, started poking around, and is taking his sweet time to punish me." Anyways crisis averted. Then we leave for our journey out to nowhere.

Once we got there, we spent the next 12 hours running after kids, cooking burgers, hotdogs and ribs, meeting the best friends extended family, watching the kids in the pool, watching the kids fish in the pond in the backyard (her step father is a professional fisherman), listening to embarrassing stories about my best friend (most of them I had actually heard from her), playing with the 3 new kittens, kids chasing the other cats, KiKi telling the yellow lab "No, buddy!", singing happy birthday, eating cupcakes, and drinking enough coke to float myself home. It was a great time. The kids had a blast. "The Man" became fast friends with my best friends brother and they spent the day doing what they do best, gabbing like two 12 year old little girls.

We left that evening around 10pm for a long drive, in the dark, in the middle of the country, with no cell phone service. I almost hit a possum and I swear I heard banjos playing* in the distance. The kids slept the whole way home which was nice. ID in hand I got back on base, drove home, got the kids in bed, and then crashed into my own bed**.

*This coming from the girl who grew up 5 hours away from the river they filmed "Deliverance" on.

** After checking to see if the Internet was working yet.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Reading Material Needed

I devour books. No seriously give me a book and it will be read by the end of the day. In the past 26 hours I have read 2 books. The final two books of the Twilight series (and they were oh so delectable), and now I am completely out of fresh reading material. This leaves me in a bit of a quandary. I don't know what I should read next. I am kind of on a fantasy kick: vampires, witches, werewolves, dragons. I guess I will have to get on Barnes and Noble's site tomorrow and find my next victim, I mean book.

Update on "The Man"-
"The Man" is doing well and fairly unscathed. He doesn't remember a thing from the procedure because of the medications (or as he calls them the "date rape drugs") they gave him. I of course can't help but make ass jokes here and there. Overall I am just glad that he is according to the doctor "healthy".

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Day Off- Sorta

My best friend is in town visiting her parents. She lives in England now at the same base that we are going to be stationed at. So she and I are going to get together today and go get my girls some hair cuts. Then we are going to this cute little Amish furniture store down the road and pick out new mattresses and maybe a new bed for LaLa (depending on price, ya know). It should be a fun day to be had by all :)

Tomorrow "The Man" is having a colonoscopy. He is only 29, but his mother died of colon cancer when he was 12, so they want to start screening him early to prevent this horrible disease from ever rearing its ugly head again. I am sure he is going to be a big baby about the whole procedure, but he is a man and something is going to be shoved up his butt, so it is completely understandable. I of course have taken a couple of pot shots at him the past couple of days. Today however I was being completely serious when I said "I hope you can walk afterwards, cause I can't carry you", then he said "Well I don't think they are shoving anything EXTREMELY enormous up there, I am sure I will be able to walk". I started laughing my ass off cause I wasn't even thinking about that. "No honey, they are going to sedate you. There is no way I can lift your 230 lb, 6'6" body to the car if you are still doped up". Gotta love that man.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

House Hunting

This morning I have spent my time looking at different rentals available near the Air Force Base that we are moving to in England. I have fallen in love with one of the homes available and I am hoping that it is still available when we get there is November. Isn't it cute? The thing I am most excited about is that it is completely detached, which means no sharing walls. For the last 4 years my walls have always been attached to someone else's. I have heard more fights, vacuums, children screaming, and loud televisions than I care to list. I am sure I am not a treat to live next to either though, so I guess we're even.

Here is another reason I looooove this house:
Big backyard that is fully fenced. I can let my dog out and not worry about her wandering, not that she does, just in case. Wouldn't a little bench be perfect out there? Sorry I am trying not to make plans with this backyard but I can't help it! Oh and look at the kitchen!
The bad part you ask? I don't have a picture of the bedrooms! I bet they are tiny. It would be my luck.

Monday, August 18, 2008


It was a really long weekend. I am sooo glad it is over and "The Man" is back to full strength. This weekend he spent the entire time in bed getting over the pneumonia, which made for chaos in my house. I just now got the house back into working order: downstairs clean, dishes totally done, laundry washing, floors mopped. Now when I say my house is chaos when my husband is sick I really mean chaos. First of all he is the most whiny sicko ever. Second when he is sick, my kids somehow know it is time to do everything in their power to drive me absolutely batty. Third, my house never gets cleaned because of all the other things I have on my list of things to do that weekend.

A few things I found myself saying over and over this weekend were:
1. I swear to God if you don't stop (insert bad act here), you are going to time out.
2. No.
3. Because I said so! (I swore when I had kids I would never say this)
4. Quit climbing on the back of the couch.
5. Don't scream in the house.
6. Mommy is writing her essay, go watch T.V. ( I hate using the T.V. as a babysitter, but sometimes it can't be avoided).
7. KiKi, put your diaper back on!

Since I spent most of the weekend doing school work, taking care of "Mr Sicko", and entertaining the girls, I am taking the day off. No school work. I plan on laying on the couch and totally vegging out. Maybe a vodka cranberry tonight....

I got Elizabeast groomed this morning and she looks absolutely adorable. I need to take a picture and share with everyone. I love that dog. I swear she is the only one who listens to me around this house.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Friday Mix

MixwitMixwit make a mixtapeMixwit mixtapes
Today I actually have to do some school I really don't have time for a post. Maybe later if I get a chance. Oh can anyone say anything that will make me feel better about giving my daughter a Little Debbie snack cake for breakfast? (I had to pee and she wouldn't make up her mind and I panicked)

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Things I Hate (in couplet form)

Waking up is so hard to do,

screaming kids in the morning too.

“Why Mom” is the question of the day,

I am running out of things to say.

Mom at the park with the perfect child,

Most of us here think he needs to be exiled.

Only one car so sitting home today,

You’re so lucky might some say.

The same song on the radio,

Why? I don’t know.

The sexualization of little girls,

They should be playing and doing twirls.

Political coverage on the tube,

It would be better if the politicians just gave us some lube.

Gas and food prices going sky high,

Just fork over the money with a heavy sigh.

General sloth and the lack of ambition,

I need to assume the lotus position.

Selfishness and lack of compassion,

One day entitlement will be out of fashion.

Lying, cheating and excuses,

In the end everyone loses.

ER Fun

Last night my kids and I went to "The Man's" softball game. Everything was going fine until they started playing. The kids were playing and having a good time. LaLa was building a "volcano" out of dirt and KiKi was standing next to me on the bleachers talking to the other wives. The next thing I know KiKi slips off the bleacher and her chin bashes into the bleacher seat in front of her. I swear it happened in slow motion. You know where you see it happening but you can't react fast enough to grab your kid to prevent it? That happened to me. I grabbed her as she started screaming and started looking for the injury. Her mouth was pouring blood. "Oh jeez she bit her lip and is bleeding," is what I thought. Then I looked closer. Not only did she bite her lip, she bit straight through her lip clear to the other side.

All things at that point stopped. I got the attention of the umpire. He stopped the game and I pulled my husband off 1st base and told him we had to get to the hospital. So we gathered up our stuff (and other kid) and headed off to the hospital. By the time we got to the car she had quit bleeding, but her lip was swollen. She fell asleep in the car on the 20 min drive to the hospital because it was past her bedtime and she was sooo sleepy.

At the hospital the Dr. gave the wound a look and decided it didn't need stitches, but he needed to dermabond the wound closed on the outside. I was so glad that we didn't need stitches. Can you imagine what a 2 year old would think with a needle coming at her mouth? I was not looking forward to it. An hour at the hospital and all was fine. Thankfully we had no wait at all. We came home and put the girls in bed. Then I sat on the couch and decompressed by watching some of the Olympics. I guess my kids and their lack of grace will disqualify them from the women's gymnastics team.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Temporary Freak Out

I was sitting on my porch last night enjoying a little "mommy quiet time" after the kids went to bed and all of a sudden a wave of panic hit me. I realized that there are only 3 more months left until our family will be moving to England. I felt my chest get tight. Then my mind started racing.

"The kids are going back to school this week. That means it is almost fall. We are moving in the fall. How are my kids going to cope with the move. OMFG I am going to have to learn how to drive on the left hand side of the road. How are we going to get around when we first get there, since we won't have car? Are my animals going to be O.K. in quarantine when we first get there? How much is 3 weeks of quarantine going to cost? Holy CRAP I am moving to England!"

Then it passed. I have always wanted to live in England. When my husband joined the military 3 months after we got married one of my first thoughts was "Now we can live somewhere cool like England or Germany" I might be a bit of an Anglophile. My best friend also already lives there and she loves it. I don't know exactly what brought on the sudden panic. Maybe it is the fact that it is such a short amount of time to get so much done before we leave. Maybe it is just fear of the unknown. In any case I am still excited about leaving.

Monday, August 11, 2008

RIP Issac Hayes

I am too young to have seen the original "Shaft", but the theme song had a habit of sticking in my head all the time. Rest in Peace Mr. Hayes. You will be sorely missed.

So So Tired

Oh man what a weekend. I am so fatigued. Friday luau, Friday night Karaoke, Saturday recovery, Saturday Night Olympics, Sunday school work ALLLLL day long. I didn't finish my school work until 12:30 am last night, 20 min before the deadline for assignments to be turned in. It was also about an hour past my bedtime. I am old, us old people go to bed early. Or so I have been told.

So how was everyone else's weekend? I hope everybody had lots of fun. I know I did...right up until I started the school work. And for the record, having 3 essays due on one day is brutal. Especially if you didn't start your history essay which needs to be roughly 6 pages double spaced *cough* until the day it was due. OOPS! In all fairness, I know I was the slacker. It is my last semester. I deserve some slackerdom.

At Least Elizabeast and Sam got some naps in this weekend.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Atomic Luau

Today was the "Atomic Luau" on base. It is a chance for all the troops to get together for a little fun, bring the families along, and most importantly not have to work. Last year the event really sucked. It was too hot, the line for food was too long and the kids were miserable. This year, they did it right. The line for food was still too long, but we never eat there anyway.

There were plenty of drinks for everyone. Unlimited soda, beer and water. There was also a lot of different things for the kids to do.

A jump castle!

Water slide!

A big thank you also goes out to 38 Special. They were playing at the Missouri State Fair this weekend and took some time out of their schedule to come play a couple of songs at our Luau this year. Thanks guys. It means a lot to know that you support the troops.
Overall it was a really fun day. Thanks to all those who helped organize it.

Thursday, August 7, 2008


This is a picture my aunt sent me with the following message:

I was walking to my mailbox this morning as was
"flashed," thought I would share my expericence with

My response:

Is that a mushroom? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Her reply:
Yes, wonder what affects it would have
if you ate it?????

Military Life

I am one of those crazy people who actually likes military life. Yes, deployments suck. The pay sucks. Leaving your friends sucks. Being nowhere near your family sucks. However, there are a ton of benefits. I get to travel. I get to expose my children to different cultures. I meet friends at each new base. My husband loves his job. I am proud of my husband's job.

There are a few things that my civilian friends just don't understand about military life despite their repeated viewings of Army Wives.

#1. My life doesn't stop just because my husband is deployed. I have heard of several occasions "I just don't know how you do it." I do it because I have to. My kids still need a mom. I can't just crawl up and hibernate when he has to go away for a while. There are still mouths to feed, dance classes to get to, school to attend and cheeks to be kissed. Besides, I get the whole bed to myself for a couple months. Kick ass.

#2. Free housing isn't that great. Yeah sure I don't have rent or a mortgage. I also get stuck in whatever house is open on base unless I (we) decide to live off the economy. At this base I have lived in 4 different houses. The first place we lived in was a 4 plex off base. 2 bedrooms. We didn't make enough at his rank to cover rent and the bills, so it was more economical to live on base. Our first base house was a 2 bedroom renovated house. It was o.k, other than the mouse that we found living behind the stove. 3rd house, falling down, basement flooding, 30 years old, piece of crap on base. We moved there because I was having baby #2 and we wanted a 3 bedroom. Our final house on this base is brand new (thank God!) and is relatively nice. The only problem is since it is brand new, I randomly have "inspections" to make sure that we haven't done damage to the house. Oh and every little crayon mark on the wall, I have to make sure those are gone by the time we leave. The little tiny microscopic gouge in the drywall that we didn't make, it has to be fixed by the time we leave. Oh and "Ma'am, we understand your husband is deployed, but your house is a little cluttered. Not as bad as some of the other houses we have seen, but could you please get rid of some of the clutter?" Mind you at the time, my house was clean. I just have a lot of kids toys and not enough closets. Oh and Mr. Housing Man, could you send someone to snake the drain in my upstairs bathroom? That was 6 months ago, still no repair man to snake the drain.

#3. Free health care isn't all that great. In the civilian world, if you are late to an appointment by a min, they still see you. In the military, if you are not 15 min early, you're late. Try that when you are toting a couple kids along. Military doctors are also hit or miss. You also do not have the option of switching if you just don't like them. You take the appointment that is available or you might not been seen until next year sometime. Maybe.

You see, with all the complaints, I still love this life. I wouldn't trade it. I have met some of my best friends through this experience. I love them all and am going to miss them dearly when I move on to our next assignment in England. We will keep in touch though. Plus we still have at least 14 more years left in this military life, maybe we will run into them again on another post.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008


"The Man" says she looks like a poster child for Feed the Children.

Kisses Make It All Better

KiKi stubbed her toe this morning. No blood or anything, but she kept saying "ow. ow. ow.ow." It was clear that she was not going to stop unless something was done about this ouchie. So I leaned down and kissed her toe. She sprang up and went merrily on her way like there had never been a ouchie to start with. Sometimes I wish life was more like that.

This morning I read that Metrodad's Father In-law passed away. There is no kiss to make that hurt go away. I send my prayers out to his family in their time of need. Godspeed Bosslady's dad.

Monday, August 4, 2008

I love you Urban Dictionary

After reading Black Hockey Jesus' post about the Funky Cold Medina I had to go on Urban Dictionary to find out what a Funky Cold Medina really is. Cause I am OCD like that. Which is for those who are wondering:

1. funky cold medina

The title of the second single from Ton Loc, which was (co-)written by Young MC, and released on the Delicious Vinyl record label in the late 80's.

In the video, Ton Loc demystifies the "funky cold medina" when he points to a bottle of Absolut Vodka. Though the concept of a "funky cold medina" is generally a drink - not just pure vodka. It's made by pouring one oz respectively of Absolut Vodka, Southern Comfort and Blue CuraƧao over ice and topped of with cranberry juice.

Anyways, I started scrolling down through other definitions that looked like they could be promising for a giggle and came across these:

1. funky kingston

To stick your finger in your own butthole or someone elses butthole then stick it to their nose and/or in their mouth.


1. funky sac

When sweat and stink build up around a man's scrotum, perhaps after exercising or working in a hot environment, this condition is the result.

Around here, we refer to that as swamp nuts....


1)acronym for "dad I'd like to fuck"
2)a heterosexual female's version of a MILF (see milf)

I guess that is why my husband is??


Acronym for "Do I Look Like I Give A Fuck".
Pronounced; Dilly Gaff
A short terse answer given when someone complains about your behaviour or actions.
Used more as a statement or exclamation rather than as a genuine query.

Oh how I love this acronym...

Friday, August 1, 2008

Land of Nakeyness

I can't keep clothes on my kids. Seriously. Between potty training (which must be done in the nude apparently) and changing in to swimsuits there has been a lot of nakedness in this house. Dress up is also another excuse to get naked. I can't even sit down at the computer or t.v. for 5 min without seeing a little white naked butt run past me. My husband is convinced that we are raising two strippers. Their nicknames don't help anything (LaLa and KiKi). I know it is the summertime and I should lighten up, but the Southern Baptist roots in my head are rearing their head and yelling at me "Get some clothes on those kids!! Are we raising little naked heathens around here?"

All this nakeyness and we still haven't had one poop or pee on the potty. Any potty training suggestions??

I'm Done Already

I graduate from college at the end of Aug. In my head though, I am already done. My mind is fried. My nerves are shot. Senioritis is abound. Now here is the really shitty part. I am in a GDMF-ing group project. I have seriously never met a bigger group of adult toddlers. Case in point. This morning after my Internet being out for a day I woke up to a nasty exchange between two of my group members on the groups discussion board. The professor had to be brought in to mediate. I called him and informed him of the situation. I felt like I had to tattle tail on two perfectly grown adults. This is my LAST CLASS. I soooo don't need this crap. All is temporarily resolved, but I am sure it will not be pretty in the future either. 4 more weeks is my mantra right now.

In other "I'm Done Already" news... all of a sudden I have had this urge to have another baby. After Kiki I proclaimed "I'm am soooo done with this baby thing". Now, I'm not so sure. She is now 2, potty training, and generally doesn't need me (or want me sometimes). My ovaries are starting to ache and they want a new baby bad. The Man would freak if he knew that I was even considering another child. Maybe I will break him in slowly. Get to England, breach the subject, get off birth control (with his permission of course), then maybe baby. We'll see. I really would like him to have a little boy. Of course we could end up with another girl. Then he might be building a shed in the back yard.