3 Bedroom Bungalow to Let in Crazytown: Mollycoddling Our Children

Friday, March 5, 2010

Mollycoddling Our Children

I was in the kitchen doing the washing up from dinner, up to my elbows in soapy water and dirty dishes, when KiKi came in the room and asked for a peanut butter sandwich. I told her to hold on because I was nearly done. Instead of waiting for me she grabbed the bread and peanut butter then asked for a knife.

"KiKi, I said I would do it in a minute," I explained.

"No, I will do it," she told me in a matter of fact voice.

The kitchen was already a mess. What was the harm? The knife is a butter knife, dull, it can't cut. Frankly, I have had worse than peanut butter smeared on my kitchen table. I decided to let her go for it. I gave her a butter knife and cleared a spot at the table for her.

She placed the slice of bread on the table and started working on her sandwich and I went back to work washing up (keeping an eye on her of course). Sure, it took her a lot more time to smear the peanut butter on the bread than it would have taken me, but she did it on her own. She was proud of herself too.

While she was happily munching away at her sandwich I started really thinking. Do I coddle her too much? Really, if I hadn't been busy, I know I would have just made the sandwich for her. Or, I would have jumped in and started smearing it myself when she didn't get it on the bread exactly how I do it. She is only three after all. She can do it though. She showed me that with a little supervision she can do it on her own. Now, I just wonder, if I let my kids have a bit more free reign, what else can they do?

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Kathy · 787 weeks ago

Maybe they could clean up the kitchen and vacuum? Have a wonderful weekend.

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Michelle · 787 weeks ago

Nope, you dont coddle her too much or you would have dried your hands and done it anyway! I think this is a great little story. And a really thought provoking comment at the end that I have also wondered: what else can they do? I think about stories from 'olden days' when little kids were doing all kinds of house chores and doing fine... But then again, there must be a reason why we've become more coddling?

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muummmeeeee! · 787 weeks ago

I agree with Michelle, you don't sound as though you coddle her too much - mine have only started making their own sandwiches in the last few years and they're 10 and 12! It took me ages to twig that I was depriving them of responsibility just because I wanted a clean kitchen!

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Vic · 787 weeks ago

A little freedom can be good for them.
That said, it can also completely backfire on you and let them get too self-sufficient. Then you just get sad that they don't need you anymore.

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SueAnn · 787 weeks ago

I think it is good to let them do some things on their own or with supervision. It builds their self esteem and allows you some breathing room. And you need a dishwasher girl!! LOL!
Hugs
SueAnn

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Mummy Bear · 787 weeks ago

I think you know instinctively what you can and can't let them do! She sounds a diamond btw!

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joan · 787 weeks ago

I don't think you should second guess yourself. It sounds like you're doing a fantastic job, if you ask me!! How cool that she made her own sandwich, though! Nice!

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Sandy · 787 weeks ago

I don't think you sound like a mollycoddler at all. And you both learned something!

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Dominee Huisvrouw · 787 weeks ago

I'm guilty of this too, usually b/c I can do it quicker, or with less mess, but my kids are 3.5 & 1.5, so I still have time to learn to let go I suppose!

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randomly elly · 787 weeks ago

I know I am guilty of the "i can do it quicker" philosophy.....but lately I have been letting my daughter fend for herself. yup...she is 12...if she is hungry, her legs are not broken and she can get her on snack. I think you are a great mom......doing a great job!!!!

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Jess · 787 weeks ago

They will tell you they can drive a car, but DON'T LET THEM. But it is OK to let them drink beer. LOL

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Tracie · 787 weeks ago

A good reminder....I know that the thought that I can just do it faster usually makes me do it, but I really should let her try to do more things for herself.

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Jamie · 787 weeks ago

Hum...peanut butter sandwiches at 3 years old? Maybe she could get a job once she turns 4?

Good job letting her do it when she wanted to. I don't think it is ever to early to let them do things that they capable of irregardless of the mess or time it takes.

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Captain Dumbass · 787 weeks ago

How old before I can let my boys cut the lawn?

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Michele · 787 weeks ago

I firmly believe that children should do things for themselves if they can. When my oldest was 2 I would send him next door to deliver stuff to my mother-in-law. This was not in a neighborhood, this was an acre away. I would watch him walk across the field to be met by my father-in-law then back again. They are a lot more capable then we give them credit for.

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Kim@beautifulwreck · 787 weeks ago

I am with Michele. I think children should do things for themselves when they can as long as its something they will not get hurt doing. My son thinks he can do certain things, and maybe he could but he may end up getting injured in the process - so nope. If kids are capable without losing a limb I saw we let them!

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Margaret · 787 weeks ago

I don't have kids but I think you should let them try and do things themselves and just watch them while they are doing them.

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Heather · 787 weeks ago

I've been thinking these exact same things myself recently about my 3.5 year old. the things she can and does do herself when I'm a bit slow in doing it for her are amazing.

i was out of the room the other day and came to find her on the stool next to the sink putting water in her cup. she had pushed stool to cabinet, taken out cordial bottle, put the right amount in her cup (even managing to put lid back on bottle and put it back in cupboard and then pushed stool over to sink and was putting the water in! I was astounded! they really do learn so much from just watching us, don't they?

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If I Could Escape · 787 weeks ago

Well, I think it's good for them to learn some independence. Mine have been making sandwiches and their own snacks for ages now. So long as the stove is not involved I'm fine with it.

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kaylen · 787 weeks ago

When I was in college my apartment was laid out that from my bed-I had a view directly into the kitchen.
One day I woke up late, opened my eyes, and could see my 6 year old had pulled out a kitchen drawer to use as a stepstool, climbed up on the counter to reach the cereal on top of the fridge, then he crawled across the counter to get a bowl, then he crawled back to get to his "stepstool" and took all his goods to the table to make himself a bowl of cereal.
It was really cute, and I was really impressed with how much he could do...until he tried to pour the full milk and it spilled everywhere.

Sometimes kids can do much more than we think. But sometimes we might be holding them back a little just for our own need of keeping them small.
And sometimes they will just spill a full gallon of milk all over the kitchen.

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Heather · 786 weeks ago

I worry that I do the same thing with my children. It's amazing what they can do if you just give them a little independence! Maybe I need to start giving them more. Thanks for the motivation.

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Mary R. · 786 weeks ago

Oh, we were stationed in England 4 years! Retired now but still travelling. Son just joined A.F.

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Houdini · 786 weeks ago

Well done for letting Kiki do it.

SHE'll let you know how much she can do - and it'll also be a great lesson for her in learning when to ask for help when she really needs it. A lesson that will serve her well throughout life ;-)

But then what do I know - I don't have children - only a cat - and she's VERY independent! Thank God she doesn't like peanut butter tho! LOL

Houdini

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Susie · 786 weeks ago

My kids have always been independent. My 3 year old has been pouring her own milk and cereal for at least a year and lots of other stuff. From around 10 years my kids learn to make eggs on the stove. They all clean

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Granny · 786 weeks ago

Lots of things, like putting the eating utensils on the table at meal time (no sharp knives). Anything that you are doing and can include them, do it.
You need to help them stretch their little wings. (Include Lala in this venture. She is plenty big enough to help with the table setting and clearing.). Remember, your mother and aunt had to have their bed pulled together before they came out in the morning for breakfast. The bed wasn't perfectly made but it passed. This started when they were in kindergarten.

Hugs and kisses for all
Granny

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