Monday, November 17, 2008

Three-Alarm Flooding

I found the Steenky Bee via Captain Dumbass when I first started blogging. Jen is one of my favorite bloggers and has cultivated quite an audience in the last couple months. I am honored to have her post over here at 3 Bedroom Bungalow. She is a great mom and a wonderful bloggy friend. Please make her feel welcome while she is staying at the Bungalow.

When the lovely Kat over here at 3 Bedroom Bungalow asked me to guest post while she moved her family to England I was thrilled for a few reasons. First, I love Kat. She’s the second person to ever comment on Steenky Bee without requesting money. Second, she’s moving to England. She’s only person I’ve ever known to make good on the threat “If this country doesn’t get out of the crapper soon, I’m moving to Europe”. I begged and begged her to stay in the States until she at least knew the outcome of the election, but she claims she’s had this move planned for months.

Anyway, her move to a foreign country has brought back memories of a move my husband I made just a little over eight years ago. At the time, we were just newlyweds and shacked up in a tiny, one bedroom basement apartment in Salt Lake City. We had only been living there about three months when we were forced out due to a water main break in a sprinkler line just outside our front door.

When I say “forced out“, I don’t mean that someone actually came and forcibly moved us, unless you count the fireman that showed up at our door after the building manager called them. They eventually gave up trying to stop the flooding and just concentrated on hauling our furniture and other belongings out safely to dry land. I guess in theory, Jeremy and I could have tried to give it a go and live in four inches of water, but most of my shoes had leather uppers and entertaining in those conditions would have been next to impossible. I mean, have you ever been to a water party where you didn’t feel just a tiny bit self-conscious?

Before the fire department arrived on the scene, Jeremy and I were frantically gathering up irreplaceable items like photos, heirlooms and our PlayStation II. When the first fireman knocked on our door, I immediately threw the box of photos I was holding for safe keeping aside and ran squealing with excitement into the bathroom.

As I ran off in the ankle-deep water, Jeremy shouted after me, “Good idea, honey! We’re going to need a few toiletries to tide us over at the hotel for a few days until we get settled somewhere else.”

What was he smoking? I wasn’t in the bathroom packing up shampoo and cotton swabs. The last thing on my mind was where I would be sleeping that night. I had much bigger concerns. If I was going to be hanging around glistening and well-toned fireman that afternoon, I was damn well sure going to look my best. After all, I was the proud owner of many “Three-Alarm Firemen Calendar” years 1987-1999. I knew from studying those things intently that firemen were likely to hang out wearing just those pants with red suspenders and nothing else. They also seemed fond of leaning against fire polls wearing their jackets while seductively staring forward. And for some odd reason, they spent a great deal of their time just standing around in groups of three or four leaning against miles and miles of fire hose. No matter what they were doing, or not doing, to me, they looked like all kinds of fine.

So there I was, locked in the bathroom furiously primping away. Once I freshened up my make-up and got Jeremy to confirm several times that the jeans I was wearing did not, in fact, make my butt look fat, I was ready to approach my first fireman.

When I walked out into the living room I was did my best coy little strut as I cornered the one in our living room. Looking hot proved more difficult than I originally thought. The water was now nearly up past my calf so wading in freezing cold water while trying to look sultry was pretty much out of the question. I was disappointed when I noticed that the fireman who was busy emptying out my book shelf had his shirt on. In fact, every fireman on the scene was fully dressed. They had shirts, pants, boots and everything. Each one of them was even sporting a bulky yellow rain coat. Now how the hell was I going to see any freshly waxed chests if they kept themselves covered up like that?

As the hours passed and more and more of our stuff was being hauled outside onto dry land I grew more desperate. It wasn’t every day I had the opportunity to rub shoulders with actual firemen. While Jeremy was busy calling our insurance company and loved ones, I was dialing every girlfriend I could think of to tell them that they better hurry over to see the firemen at our place. Of course, the only person that showed up was my mom, and being the smart lady that she is, she brought her camera with her so she could get some picture of the hot men in suspenders.

The fire crew eventually left after all our furniture was safely out of the apartment. However, a few of them left even earlier when my mom and I threw buckets of water on them in hopes that they would remove their wet clothing, thereby exposing their chiseled abs. No such luck. Not only did it upset the fireman, but my mom and I lost our bucket privileges all together.

Eventually, almost everything Jeremy and I owned dried out. We were able to salvage most of our valuables including our wedding album, my fireman calendars and our two cats. The building manager put us up in a spacious two-bedroom apartment on the second floor. We had a spectacular view of a pond, a winding walk-way, but more importantly, we had a perfect view of our previous tiny basement apartment. Like clockwork, every two weeks or so, that area would flood completely and someone would call the local fire department out to deal with the mess. I was able to scope them out from the privacy of our apartment window.

Jeremy and I only stayed in our new apartment for about six more months We decided it was time that we invest in a home of our very own. We settled on a four bedroom, three bath nestled in a more rural setting. We wanted somewhere with quiet solitude, somewhere for our children to grow up close to family, somewhere close to good schools and parks. But most importantly, somewhere that had a fire station just around the corner. After all, a girl can never be too safe.

32 comments:

DeeMarie said...

I can't believe they still didn't remove their jackets, and they took away your bucket priveleges!!
Good to hear you have a 4-BR... I'll have a place to stay when I visit!

ChurchPunkMom said...

dang! i was so close to being first!! oh well... SECOND!

there was a boy who had a crush on me all through high school.. i kept turning him down.. guess what he grew up to be?? a fireman. i'm an idiot.

(i hope this doesn't affect my status as your life coach! after all.. life is all about learning from our mistakes..)

Jenni said...

#1 Nelson and I ALSO lived in a basement apartment when we first got married. We actaully lived there for three and a half year before we got married and then

#2 Six months after getting married we moved into our current home, located just two blocks from a fire department. But all our fire fighters are either a) fat or b) poorly moustached

Mama Dawg said...

I heart the Steenky Bee (even if she is an admitted stalker).

I, too, love firemen and did not know that they didn't go around shirtless.

There go my plans for torching my decrepit shed out back.

Marinka said...

You are so funny. And also smart. Because only an idiot greets a fireman unprepared. Or a supermodel. Not that you're not a supermodel or anything.

Cameron said...

steenky, I'm surprised you didn't try the old passing out routine, you know the damsel in distress. Probably the freezing cold water preventing you, right?

Sprite's Keeper said...

I had the opportunity to see a fireman with just the suspenders and no shirt recently. His chest was hairy. I was let down. Bummer.

The Stiletto Mom said...

Good to know they don't like having buckets of water thrown on them. All these years, I've had a bucket near the front door just in case. You can never be too prepared for the hotness you know.

Momma Trish said...

All the firemen who worked on that big fire on our street were fully clothed too. It was terribly disappointing. Really, that was why we evacuated ... when they say "nothing to see here", they mean it. Who knew?

Robin said...

Whaaaaaat? They didn't have those fancy breakaway pants? You know, so if you happened to WHOOPS slip in the water, and for safety's sake grab the closest thing nearby (which happened to be a handful of fireman pants) which then of course meant OMIGOD.... Pants-less! I hear firemen have FANTASTIC thighs. Sigh.
I mean, really! What kind of fire department was this?

Casey said...

My older brother is a fireman... he's married though. I can send you pictures?!? He's gross. Boys have cooties.

Captain Dumbass said...

I have two firemen that live on my street. I don't know, they just don't do anything for me.

Me, You, or Ellie said...

You are a funny girl. And a guest blogger extraordinaire.

Ellie

HeatherPride said...

Wow. You're the first person I know to be rescued by a fireman. Or close enough to being rescued, anyway. I mean, your wedding album definitely has pictures of you in it, so really when you think about it you were totally being carried around in the arms of a fire fighter. That's hot.

Jenni Jiggety said...

Silly Steenky! Everyone knows the firemen don't get nekkid unless you play Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff" on your boom box...

blissfullycaffeinated said...

Ahh, firemen...Give me just a moment while I get a visual in my head.

OK, got it.

You know what I love? When you're at the grocery store and a truck full of firemen come in to do their weekly grocery shopping. One time I got escorted out of Safeway because I was allegedly making some firemen in the produce department "uncomfortable." I mean, all I did was ask one of them to check my melons. I wasn't sure if they were ripe or not. Some people are so sensitive these days.

PAPATV said...

Mrs Steenky Bee there are LOTS of hot, young firemen in Southern Cali, trouble is they're always working! Damn Santa Ana's!

I once dressed up as a firemen for Halloween, but I didn't have the, er, muscle, to back it up.

Heh.

Chris Wood said...

Well, at least you had your priorities right in the case of an emergency ...

Anndi said...

My Honey's a volunteer fireman. I have full bucket privileges. Life is good.

Heinous said...

and people always said you couldn't keep your head in a serious situation.

Shan said...

Man, some people have all the luck. We lived in a basement duplex and all we god from the upstairs flood was wet walls and the crazy landlord (aka my dad) yappin about making nail holes in the wall. Thankfully we didn't live there long, couple of months before we found our house. I don't miss that place at all. It had "fancy" wood paneling, felt like you were waking up in a coffin every morning. Plus the gargantuan people upstairs who didnt watch their kids. No joke one day one of their kids was peeing on our window. Those kids peed on everything they came in contact with. Sorry, I should quit bragging, I know I had it made, ha ha ha. Though it might have been worth the whole deal if firemen had shown up. Course drowing all the spiders we lived with might be considered an upside of it all.....

Miss Grace said...

I like living near a fire station on account of getting to walk past and look at the cute boys washing there engines....mmmm.

goodfather said...

Ha ha, lost your bucket privileges.

Great story! Firemen are awesome, really, even without freshly waxed chests they are true heroes.

Vodka Mom said...

now I know what I'll be thinking about tonight. I mean later. I mean.....where's that husband of mine??

SumpPumps said...

Can't believe you stayed there for six more months. I think I would have been outta there right away.

mrsbear said...

My hubby is a fireman. He looks good in uniform but he won't be on a calendar any time soon. It's a little something we lovingly refer to as nipple in a nest, that and his six pack is more like an under inflated car tire. But I dig him.

Jennifer said...

How dare they show up fully clothed!!

Bee said...

You had me at firemen! I have caught myself doing double takes while going by a fire station when the hubs is with me. But they shouldn't be hanging out washing their truck without shirts! Well, they should but only when I'm alone. ;o)

for a different kind of girl said...

There is a fireman living down my street. I also pass our fire station twice daily (except Wednesdays, when I am not scheduled) when I travel to and from work. It is with a great deal of authority that I can let you know Iowa's firefighters could use a little work.

I also need to work up a reason to have Jen come totally guest post my blog up. That girl brings the thunder wherever she goes!

TattooedMinivanMom said...

Miles and miles of firehose huh? Is that what you call it?

(Did I ever tell you that I can't say rural? I can't. I just can't. I'm a rural failure.)

Badass Geek said...

So, after the firefighters got you all worked up, did Jeremy help "put the fire out" later at the hotel?

Lola said...

I would have done the same thing, except the problem is that I already know what our firemen look like here in Podunk, and it's just not worth the effort.

Great post, SB!