Conversation With My Brain

Brain: Kat, you really need to stop the girls from digging holes in the back garden. The Man is going to step in one of them one day while he is mowing the grass and really hurt himself.

Me: Well, what do you want me to do about it, Brain? I can't just duct tape the kid's arms to their sides. Duct tape hands to sides.....hmmmmm.

Brain: Don't even think about it!

Obviously school needs to be back in session.

Primary School Hurdle

Every parent has a bit of worry when their child starts proper "big school" (elementary/primary school). Most worry about if their child is going to be ready for the work, the long days, be able to socially adjust and if they will make friends. I am not worried about any of this. I know KiKi will adjust. She is a very flexible child, well about most things. There is one thing though that is potentially going to sink my little "happy my child is growing up and going to school" boat. She won't wipe her own butt when she done with her "business".

Don't laugh. This is very serious.

This morning she and I had a fifteen minute standoff in the bog because she wouldn't take the toilet paper and wipe her butt. I stood there with loo roll in my hand trying my damnedest to hand it to her. Her flat ignoring me screaming at the top of her lungs to me to wipe her butt.

Me: KiKi take the toilet paper and just wipe your butt.

Her: "NOOOOO, YOU WIPE MY BUTTTT!!!"

Me: KiKi, I can't wipe your butt while you are at school. You need to do it. Take the TP and wipe.

Her: "IF I DO POOP I WILL GET IT ON MY HANDS!!! WIPE MY BUTTTTTT!!"

Me: I am not wiping you. Wipe your own butt. I can't come to school with you to wipe your butt for you.

Her: "WIPE MY BUUUUUTTTTT!!!!" *eyes at this point about to bulge about her head*

Continue this conversation for another fifteen minutes with me eventually leaving the bathroom to load the washing machine while she continued to screech for me to wipe her bottom. I gave in. I know, bad mom giving in, but really it was just ridiculous to watch her sit there with her legs dangling from the toilet seat and screeching her head off.

So, to recap, my goal this week: getting my child to wipe her own ass. For some reason I think I have a better chance at making sun set in the east.

Dear So and So...Weekend of Nothing

Dear Powers that Be,

This weekend is going to be my families weekend of nothing. N-O-T-H-I-N-G! Hear me?

Anticipating, Kat

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Dear LaLa's Friends,

Thanks for the *Dr Evil finger to the mouth* one million birthday invites that she has received in the last three weeks. We will be there....including the one this weekend (so much for doing nothing this weekend). Our bank account will be lighter due to the presents we have to buy for all you birthday boys and girls. Could you do us a favor and consult amongst yourselves and spread your birthdays out for next year?

Just Wonderin', LaLa's Mum

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Dear New Bed,

I big puffy heart you and promise I will never sleep in another bed again.

Unless I am on holiday....

Love, Kat

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Dear Readers,

If you're happy and ya know it (cause it's Friday) clap your hands! *clap clap* If you're happy and you know it clap your hands! If you're happy and you know it then your face will surely show it. If you're happy and you know it clap your hands! *clap clap*

You know the deal leave a link if you participated.

Weekend Safety Briefing: Don't call my house asking for a favor or for us to do anything if you know what is good for you. Don't drink and drive. Drive the speed limit. And for goodness sake don't talk to strangers.

Love, Kat

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The Gallery Week 24- A Picture You Are Proud Of

Most of the time I take crap pictures like this*:

But then I take one like this and it is ALL worth it:

Love you sweet girls.

*eyes closed, expression funny, etc.

As a part of The Gallery that is hosted by Tara at Sticky Fingers

Well, I Have It...

As a present to ourselves my husband and I bought new bedroom furniture. A new bed and mattress being the most important of the investments. We used to have a four poster bed with an OK mattress. This was given to us as a wedding present. The four poster was broken on our move to the UK. OK, actually, the four poster was originally damaged by my husband and then completely broke on our international move. The mattress had slowly over our eight years of marriage gone from OK to "Oh My Goodness If I Get Poked With One More Spring!" It was definitely time for a new bed.

On Friday our beautiful new cherry sleigh bed was delivered. I tried my damnedest to put it together myself. HA! I struggled and struggled, broke a sweat, cursed, and then deemed the task impossible. Note to self: this bed requires two people to put together. On Saturday after my husband woke from his work induced coma we put the bed together. Not that we would get to sleep in it Saturday night because we had made plans to stay at a friend's house, but the bed was assembled. Bed together, no Kat sleeping it in night one.

Yesterday I was so excited because- I get to sleep in my new bed tonight!!! Guess what? I have had my bed assembled for two nights and have yet to sleep in it. I fell asleep in KiKi's bed at midnight when she was having trouble getting back to sleep. I didn't actually realize that I had fell asleep there until six this morning when after running to the front door because the dogs were barking (yes, dogs not dog) (another story) only to find nothing there, then wandering back into my room (where I thought I had come from because I was that is how asleep I still was despite being on my feet, walking and talking(actually cursing at the dogs)) only to realize that The Man was sprawled across the whole bed and there was no way I had been sleeping there. Crap. OK, maybe, just maybe I will get to sleep in my own brand new bed tonight.

Dear So and SO...I'm Baaaaack

Dear Powers That Be,

My husband is sleeping on the couch in his uniform. No point in really changing is there since he is working 15 hour days, huh? Yeah I thought not too.

Meh, Kat

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Dear Holiday,

I need a holiday from you. While you were fun while you lasted, you were exhausting. I did get some fabulous pictures though!

(taken by my mother)

(taken by my mother)

Thanks, Kat

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Dear Sam Kitty,

This whole lovey dovey thing you have been doing since I got back to England is really freaking me out. Can we go back to aloof and broody? You will not lull me into a false sense of security. I know you will try to escape the first chance you can.

I Got Your Number Buddy, Kat

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Dear Lizabeast,

I bet you thought we had abandoned you by sticking you in that kennel. No such luck. Welcome home sweet girl!

Love, Human Mama Kat

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Dear Readers,

I know I am a slacker and didn't do Dear So and So for a couple weeks. I have a really good excuse. See above. If you have letters that you would like to link up, go for it.

Love, Kat

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Withdrawl

Whenever a group of expats meet-up there is always a few minutes that we seem to dedicate to naming the things that we miss about our home country. It isn't that we don't appreciate the country that we are currently living in or recognize the fact that we are truly blessed to have the opportunities that we have in our host country, but one always does miss the familiar.

Having just returned from America I have been contemplating the things I truly miss about home. Here are a few of them:

1. The large selection of restaurants. I know in large cities in the UK there is a large selection of restaurants, but here in the area of England that I live in there is a real lack of dining out options. There is a local pub, a kebab shop, a couple of chinese restaurants and a couple of indian take outs. In the small town I lived in before moving here we had a steak house, multiple pizza joints, a subway, a sonic (fast food burgers/chicken/ etc.) a McDonald's, a KFC, a family restaurant that served breakfast all day (bonus), a Taco Bell, a Wendys (fast food), a Mexican restaurant and more. I guess if my husband and children ate chinese food or indian I might feel less restricted, but they are picky and don't so our options are extremely limited here.

2. Seeing my favorite American shows when they are first aired. Yes, I get my shows here but usually it takes months to get them from the original air date in the States. A mild annoyance.

3. Strangers randomly picking up a conversation with you in a supermarket line. It just doesn't happen here. Of course there are times when in the States it used to annoy the hell out of me when I was in a rush, but generally I miss it.

4. Having family in the same country. I have never actually had family live near me my entire adult life, but there is something comforting about knowing they are at least in the same country, even if it is a 20 hour drive away.

5. Water pressure. At my mom's house her shower nearly pins you to the back shower wall. It is awesome. It takes literally 3 seconds to wash all the shampoo out of my hair. In the two houses that I have lived in here in England the water pressure has been less than desired. Of course I desire water pressure that is near equal to being pressure washed so I guess that might be hard to find anywhere.

6. Having air conditioning. Do I really need to explain this one? Of course on the same side of this argument it would be nice to also have a hot summer than lasts longer than the month of July. Which is why I guess air conditioning would be superfluous in England.

7. Understanding all the cultural references. I understand a lot of cultural references here in England now, but sometimes I will just nod my head or just have a look of pure cluelessness on my face. Every once in a while I just wish I was in on all the jokes.

So if you were to leave your home country or have left already, what would/do you miss?

1:30 AM and Jet Lagged

I never learn. I go back to the states and arrive at night go to bed and poof- no jet lag. I come back to the UK, try my damnedest to stay awake then go to bed, sleep til noon- jet lag (yes I know the sleeping til noon part is the part that messes me over). I can't sleep. My body clock is rebelling. In fact, despite the fact that it is nearly 2 am I don't feel a bit sleepy. My kids are also out of whack. LaLa stayed up until 11pm. KiKi went to bed at 9pm, woke at 12am for a bit then went back to sleep. The good news? It is still the school holidays and I have plenty of recorded shows to watch.

I'm Still Doing This

Sometimes Timing is Everything

I was decending the stairs yesterday morning at my brother in laws house and my sister in law asked "Did you poop?"

I answered, "Yeah, but geez I didn't want to broadcast it to everyone," as I looked around the room to see my husband, my kids, my inlaw's kids, my brother in law and my sister in law standing there.

Then as they started laughing I realized she was talking to her two year old daughter. Dammit.

Random Bits and Bobs

I went out with Je-double S, KK, Bobz and The Man on Friday. Much fun was had, much beer was consumed and I think we may have discovered a path for world peace. We are awesome like that. Also, for the record, riding in a black London cab in Charleston, SC is the most sureal experience that I have EVER had.

My husband, The Man, has decided that he is going to eat his way through Charleston while on vacation. So far we have had: Outback Steakhouse, Chick-fil-a, McDonalds, Kickin' Chicken, Wild Wings, Five Guys, Early Bird Cafe (best grits in the world, y'all), and Wendy's. Mind you we have only been in town for less than a week. I am gonna be the size of a frickin house by the time we get off this vaction.

My brother has grown his Vladimir Lenin beard back. The resemblence is striking.

My mother and I went to Belk (a department store here) and cleaned out the clothing section during their red dot sale. I am so glad I brought a suitcase that was almost empty with me.

I have also learned that despite being told 3 times to "just carry your drink carefully", La will drop her full soda cup on the ground. I will then want to melt into the restaurant floor.

After the 200 entries (from the multiple blogs that were taking part) to the competition were counted a name was picked out of a hat and Marg Farmer who answered correctly on A Place of My Own won the Merlin Anual Pass. Congrats to Marg and commisserations to all those who entered. The answer was Chessington, by the way.

OK, I am going to get out of here and continue my vacation by sausaging myself into a bathing suit and taking my kids to a water park. I contend that only a mothers love allows this crime against decentcy to happen.