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Friday, September 2, 2011

Dear So and So...Just A Few Things

Dear LaLa and KiKi,

You may as well sit down, this is gonna be a long one. I know that you guys see me as some sort of domestic slave, but I'm not. I am also not a short order cook. When I wake up in the morning I would like at least five minutes to get myself together before you start hounding me about things. I mean really, I just need a cup of coffee before you start coming at me like baby birds with your mouthes open. It would also be a big help if you didn't want me to make complicated things in the morning for breakfast. In other words I really don't want to have to turn on the stove (hob). I mean I will, but I won't be happy about it. I will also probably gripe really loudly if I do have to turn it on.

The other part of this letter is about the state of this house. I know you are on your school holidays and I know you just want to play play play but my house is not a trash heap, climbing frame, race track or clothes bin. So here is how we are going to sort this out. You can quit changing clothes every five minutes and throwing the clean clothes that you only wore for 5 minutes on the floor; put them back up. Stop climbing all over my furniture and racing around the house (who knew having two doors through the living room would make this house into a perfect circle to run in). For the love of peet please start putting your trash into the bin! There are multiple bins all over the house. You are never more than 15 feet from a bin. Use them. Please.

I know if you follow these very simple guidelines that we can enjoy the rest of the summer holidays. We can do this. We only have to make it until Wednesday, then you can get back into the routine of the school year. Of course that also means you will have to get up earlier, but I guess we can only tackle so many issues at once.

Love, Mom

Dear KiKi,

Yes, I saved a letter especially for you! You remember how last year you mastered wiping your own bottom, well guess what? Just because you are on holiday from school doesn't mean that you get to take a holiday from wiping your own bottom. Sort it out.

Love, Mom

Dear American Lady in the Supermarket,

I couldn't help but over hear and your friend discussing school choices as we were standing in line waiting for our sandwiches to be made; you were talking very loudly after all. I know you have the right to your opinion and I respect your choice to have your child in the DoD (American schools on the base) instead of what I have chosen for my children by having them in the British schools. That is fair enough. When you however call *my* child's school "stuffy and old fashioned" (your source of knowledge in this being your child was in the school for all of 2 weeks), I do get my hackles raised. Maybe what you really meant is that they have good discipline and enforce rules? I am only saying that because your child was running around the supermarket like a crazy person and was acting like he had never heard the word "no" in his life. Maybe you should look at your son's behavior before you start bad mouthing a really good school. Just sayin'.

That Woman Tutting Behind You, Kat

Dear Readers,

If you have your own letters please add them onto the linky! Have a safe weekend.

Love ya, Kat