In a social setting there are all kinds of different people. You have the quiet people, the social butterflies, the socially awkward, the confident, and then you have the ones who are just annoying. Sometimes you can't place your finger on why someone is annoying. Then sometimes you have that moment of clarity when you figure out why you can't stand to have a conversation with someone. Now, I am telling you this for a reason. I recently had this moment of clarity.
There is this woman who has a daughter in the same class as my daughter. While she is nice enough, she is a little socially awkward, which I am fine with, but then there was just something else about her that just irritated me about her and I couldn't figure out why. I was wracking my brain and replaying the scenes of my conversations with her for the last week and a half trying to figure out why I didn't like her. I have this overwhelming compulsion to try to like everyone. It really bothers me when I can't figure out why I don't like someone. Then lastnight after about an hour of thinking on the subject, I had my moment of clarity. She is an interrupter, one upper, close talker. She is the pinnacle of the annoying conversationists.
The scene: Standing outside my daughters classroom waiting for school to dismiss and talking to another mother from the class.
The conversation we were having was just general mommy stuff. I was saying something about not getting much sleep because KiKi was not sleeping through the night very well and is ending up in my bed by 4 am every night. From behind me I hear: "Oh you think that's bad..." (Interuption), she then cuts between the lady I am talking to and myself gets into my bubble of personal space (close talking) and then continues "well my daughter didn't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time and cried constantly until she was two years old" (one upper).
Holy hand granades lady! I wasn't even talking to you. You were behind me, not even a participant in the conversation. It wasn't like I was talking loudly, broadcasting my bitches and moans to all the parents of the student body. I was just having a chat with another mom. Why are you insistant upon entering the conversation? I am not a snooty person. I am more than willing to let you join in the conversation, but approaching from the front of where we are standing and at least saying "Hi" would be a nice start. Evesdropping and then inserting your opionion is not really a thing that I am fond of. It is rude.
Now I just need to figure out how to deal with this woman for the rest of the year. I refuse to be mean, it just isn't in my nature when dealing with other parents. I guess I can just try to bite my tounge and deal with it, but it is going to be difficult.
I CAN'T STAND one-uppers!!!!!!!!
my mother in law is one upper...about EVERYTHING......
"Ugg...I'm not feeling well"....."Oh boy I have never felt worse!"
"We got a bunch of snow last night"....."We got the most snow in the state here!"
Hubby used to have a twinge of one-upper-ness til I snapped that out of him. Still kicks in once in awhile, he just needs a good smack to remind him. (Actually I'll just call him his mother's name when he does that...seems to do the trick).
LOL you are a better person than I. Id of been WTF is your problem lady! Or if I want your opinion ill ask for it!
I work with several of those kind of people, that's why I seldom talk about my "stuff," because you can't win with them. It is better to let them think you are just real quiet than to be mean and tell them to kiss off!
YOU think YOU have a problem with one -uppers! Sheesh, I am constantly surrounded by them, everywhere, in my cupboards, under the sink - everywhere I tell you.
I knew a woman in my craft group who was a very kind person but soooooooooooo boring. I couldn't bear to be near her, but even if I tried to walk away she would follow me. Boring people are the ones I fear most, especially nice ones that you feel really bad ignoring.
i HATE one-uppers.
dear god, why can't they just let me wallow for a moment?!?!?
I work with 3 close talkers, 1 one-upper and 4 interrupters. I feel your pain, girl!
My brother in law does the SAME EXACT THING.
I don't know how my sister stays married to him.
LMAO! Don'tcha hate that?!?
You think YOU have problems?! Let me tell you about MY problems!
This woman is not only insecure, she's very lonely. Yikes. One thing leads to another and those afflicted rarely understand why people wander off when they're talking...
My suggestion is to smile politely, listen for a moment or two and say, Oh, excuse me, I need to run.
At least that's how we do it in the midwest. :-) Not terribly upfront, but that's how it is.
You are a far better person than I. I would distance myself immediately from her and would probably be rude.
I have a problem being nice to people I don't like.
Interrupters, bubble bursters and one uppers. It requires all of my Zen abilities to deal with most people.
Don't you just love trumpeteers? Always have the horn at the ready and blow loudly!
I have a friend that I have to screen calls on to make sure I want to waste the effort of going through one of those conversations with her.
ugh! i cant stand interrupters and close talkers...
get away now while you still can!
I hate people like that. Wait, no! I LOATHE them.
Hmm...didn't think it was possible to one up myself....
Gah! The One-upper!! My mom is a one-upper and it makes me crazy as hell, but clearly, I'm stuck!
Also, sometimes, my husband tries to do it, too, but I totally nip that in the bud as soon as he starts up by falling silent. I guess (maybe!) we can fix the ones we love as long as the same blood doesn't run through them!
Oh yeah. Well my daughter is 7 and has still never slept. Wait? Huh? You weren't talking to me?
I just tell people that they're being rude when they do that. I'm lucky that I don't care about their reaction though.
Gosh, I'd be so happy just to be included in a kids' conversation at my daughter's school....I swear I'd just stand there and knod my head in agreement and most certainly wouldn't interrupt, get close to you or one-up you!
I'm totally a one upper, bubble buster, AND an interrupter, I do it all the time, I thought that behaviour was socially acceptable?
Great show of patience on your part, I agree with Pearl, she is probably insecure and just doesn't know how to politely engage. My 5 year old is like that.
(By the way just letting you know I have added your blog to my website in my links I love, I have a list of blogs (scroll down! :) )
I'm secretly afraid I'm a one-upper and don't realize it. Is that possible? WHAT DO I DO!?!
YOu should say something like...Ya, that lack of sleep is a bitch. My lawyers used it as my defense for tasering that mother in McDonald's last year. She cut in front of me in line. I think I was PMSing too. Those fries smell awfully good. Did you read about that? Thankfully, I got off with just probation and the school was pretty cool in letting me still be a voluteer.
p.s. found you through rachael who sent you to my blog, then read your comment and followed you here. Very stalkerish, I know. But I swear, I'm friendly. Like a puppy
Go with your gut instincts! Steer clear! Sneeriously!
The way I see it you could one of two things.
a. Next time she does it, stick your hand in her face and say "Why you gotta be all up in this? You don't knooow me! Talk to the hand bee-otch!"
2. You can just stand there and pretend like you don't hear or understand her. No acknowledgement either.
Either way she's sure to think your psycho and/or rude and never talk to you again. Neither will anyone else but hey, so what.
You should start a conversation with "Hi, I'm Kat and I'm such an @sshole!" She where she rolls from there.
Hey, how are you doing? Hope all is well. Thanks for sharing.
Oh Crap! I forgot to add that I would pick option 3:
Be a complete and total pussy doormat and just deal with it for the sake of peace and not being dubbed the asshole.
But now I like Dumbasses idea...I like to leave the Captain off his name.
I tell close talkers straight up that I have space issues and they need to back off. I wouldn't have even noticed the one-upping, because I lose it when people get in my space.
Avoid the nut!
next time? make sure you one up her.. but make it really outrageous.. lik, 'oh yeah?? well my daughter woke up every 30 minutes for the first 3 years of her life and wehn she did so? she'd do kung fu kicks in the air above our bed for t least an hour before going back to sleep.. every. time.'
see what she says to that.. ;)
Wow, that is weird.
So I am reading all your comments and people really don't like one uppers and I have realized something about myself. I am totally a one upper and I don't mean to be. I mean it wasn't my choice to have 3 babies at once. But do only use this when absolutely necessary, like with your lady. I would have played my triplet card and she would have been done.
Oh Lord do they drive me nuts. I eventually just shut up and see if they will put themselves out like a dwindling fire. Reminds me of this SNL character though.
Dude, they suck. I have one of those also. She is the one who took a sip of my beer to try it WITHOUT ASKING!!!
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