Sam Kitty's Guide To Being A Cat

Being a cat is a lot of work.

5am- Stick Nose in large sleeping humans face. Purr. Try to get stroked.
5:01 am- Purr louder. Rub head against sleeping human's face. Dodge sleeping humans flailing hand.
5:02 am- Make self comfortable between large sleeping humans legs. Make sure the human can no longer change position. Snuggle up close to maintain maximum warmth.
6:00 am- Refuse to move from between large humans legs. Act indignant when forcibly removed.
6:05 am- Find marble to play it with on the hardwood floors.
6:10am- Hide when large human gets out of bed to confiscate marble.
6:59am. Stick nose in large sleeping human's face right before that loud noise happens.
7am- Run! Loud noise!!
7:05am- Meow at backdoor til large human opens door.
7:06- do "business" in the shrubs; preferably near the rose bushes.
7:06:30- Run back inside.
7:07 am- Breakfast time! NOM NOM NOM!!!
7:30-8:30 am- Meow at backdoor. Keep meowing.
8:45 am- Watch door in order to trip large human as she escorts small humans out the door. Pray small humans never return.
8:46-9:15 Curl up next to warm boiler and sleep.
9:15- Give large human "the look of death" as she opens the backdoor and lets a draft into your nice warm sleeping area.
9:30-11 Meow at backdoor. Go outside and hunt. Come back only when it suits you.
11am- Meow to be let inside. Bat dog on nose as she sniffs you to welcome you, her conquering hero, home. Ignore human.
11:15- Lunch!!! NOM NOM NOM!!!
12 pm-3:15 Sleepy Time!!!!
3:15pm- Give large human a sneer as she opens door and lets in draft.
3:15-3:45 Sleepy Time!!!
3:45- Awww crap large human brought the small ones back. Damn.
3:45-5 Meow at backdoor. Time for more hunting.
5pm- Demand to be let back inside.
5pm-7pm Time to plot next hunting trip and demise of dog.
7pm-8:30pm- Sleep under warm radiator. It is muy beuno.
8:30pm- Lay on large humans rear end as she puts small human in bed.
8:45- Get mad at large human for moving back to couch.
8:45-10 Sleep under warm radiator. It is really nice. You need to try it.
10pm- Snuggle on large humans lap. She is really warm. Muy bueno!
11pm- Night night time with large human. Make sure to find the warmest spot on bed. Claim as your own.

And that my friends is how to be a successful cat.

First Snow

On Thanksgiving we got our first spattering of snow. It wasn't impressive, didn't stick and therefore was not a real snow. It did however make me happy because it was the first sign that winter is on its way, and winter means Christmas!

Today we got our first real snow. A half inch of glorious white stuff. Of course I managed to accidentally set my alarm for 8am instead of 7am last night and instead of leisurely sipping my coffee and checking for school closing updates, I whipped off my duvet in a panic ran from room to room getting school uniforms onto my half asleep children whist checking Facebook to see if school was still on (it is the most reliable source round here), howling at the girls to eat their breakfasts, taking the dog outside so she didn't pee in the house, and de-icing the car so that I could get out the door ten minutes late. I forgot chasing the cat back inside because he is still doing that little trick of chasing my car as I am leaving the driveway. Stupid cat.

We made it to school on time- barely. It sure is Monday, a beautiful snowy Monday.

Silent Sunday

Dear So and So...Happy Day After Thanksgiving

Open Letter The Day After Thanksgiving:

Thank you to everyone who took time yesterday to Skype me, Twitter me, and Facebook me to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving. It really meant a lot to know that I had people thinking about me. This Thanksgiving was especially hard because my husband was gone, my family is back in America and I was just honestly super duper lonely. I did go to a friends house for Thanksgiving dinner and that made things a bit more bearable.

So today I am going to eat my Thanksgiving leftovers, throw the paper plate in the bin and get on with normal life and look forward to Christmas. No more feeling down. My husband will be home soon and we will spend a very Merry Christmas together. Then we will celebrate a New Year and tell 2010 to kiss our backsides, since it hasn't been very kind to us.

So, thank you again for thinking about me, the girls and The Man on Thanksgiving. It meant more to me than you will probably ever know.

Love, Kat

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The Gallery- Black and White

Silent Sunday

Dear So and So....This One's For LaLa

Dear LaLa,

I understand that what you are wearing used to be a dress, but it shrank in the wash and is now so short that the only way you can wear it is as a shirt. I don't care if you are going to wear tights under it! If you bend over the bottom of the "dress" comes halfway up your bum and there is no way on earth I am letting you out of the house like that! So, go put on a pair of jeans under it and then you may wear it. Sorry, I know you are anti-jeans but it is just too damn bad.

Love, The Woman You Call Mum Who Won't Let You Out of the House Looking Like A Stripper
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Dear LaLa,

I don't know what your obsession with playing in the bathroom sink is about but you need to stop it. I have little bits of wet toilet paper stuck everywhere like spitballs and it is really ticking me off. Quit.

Love, That Woman You Call Mum Who is Constantly Yelling at You to Get Out of the Bathroom
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Dear LaLa,

I am so proud of you! Well done on the class award for Maths. You are so smart!

Love, Mom
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Dear LaLa,

I would like to get out of the house on time this morning so please turn off the Wii and put your shoes on like I have told you 50 million times.

Love, Mom
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Dear Readers,

If you have a Dear So and So...post that you would like to link up, please do.

Weekend Safety Briefing: Have Fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Love, Kat
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Conversations With LaLa...again

This kid just makes me laugh.

LaLa: Hey Mom, how does water get into the pipes to come out the taps?
Me:*thinks for a minute and mentally cusses question* Well the water comes from streams and lakes and the sea and it goes to water treatment plants where they filter it and clean it...
LaLa: So they kinda add Finish* to the water to make it clean then?
Me: ....ummm we'll go with that...

*Americans call it JetDry

Dear So and So....I Can't Come Up With a Witty Title

Alright it is Friday time to jump on the Dear So and So... train. All aboard!

Dear Eastern European Girl at Taco Bell,

I am so so so sorry that when you were asking for my receipt so that you could check that you had everything for my order that I thought you were saying recipe. Yes, I did think it was strange that you were asking for my recipe considering you and your team were the ones who were supposed to be doing the cooking. It is also really embarrassing because my minor at University was Russian Studies and I should very well be able to understand an eastern European accent. Maybe if you weren't speaking so quietly?

Thoroughly Embarrassed, Kat
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Dear Sam Kitty,

This thing you do where you try to chase my car down when I am leaving the house like a dog when you are outside in the driveway has got to end. I am already paranoid enough about you getting hit by a car, but I don't think I could handle it if I was the one to run you over. Please use a bit of kitty common sense and stay away from moving cars.

Love, Your Human Mama
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Dear Ghost in My House,

I hope that was you up in the loft last night and not mice. I think I can handle a haunting much easier than mice.

Please be a ghost, Kat
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Dear Mother Nature,

Enough with the wind, alright?

Gone With the Wind, Kat
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Dear House Elves,

Are you the ones keeping LaLa's room clean or is the star chart actually working? I am confused by the clean state of her room.

Love, Kat
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Dear Readers,

If you have lovely letters that you wished you could send please link up below!

Weekend Safety Briefing: Don't drink and drive, if you keep making that face it will freeze like that, don't talk to strangers, don't take candy from strangers, don't help strangers look for their lost dog, if you kill each other do it outside, you better pray that comes out of the carpet, make sure you wear clean underwear, shut the door- you weren't raised in a barn, act your age and dammit eat your vegetables.

Love Always, Kat
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America's Finest

This post was written by my husband, The Man. If you were not aware my husband is a member of the United States Air Force. He has been in the Air Force for eight years and he has been to war in Afghanistan. He asked to write a post for the Bungalow so he could express his gratitude for those who served before him and remind other Americans about the purpose of our national holiday "Veteran's Day". In the UK and Canada it is known as "Remembrance Day". A day to remember the sacrifices that our service members and the civilians who supported them during times of war. Please take a moment to remember the service members who have tried their best to keep you safe, no matter what country you are from.

As many Americans take this Veteran’s Day off from work, I want to remind all Americans of the importance of this day. It may be a well deserved break from the daily requirements of your job, but it serves a much higher purpose. As Americans, we live and breathe the freedom that many take for granted. This liberty that we all value has come at a steep price for many families and generations of Americans. We have persevered as a nation on the backs of ordinary men and women that have made the ultimate sacrifice for our nation. From our nation’s “War of Independence” to the battles in Afghanistan and Iraq today, thousands of our military’s greatest have paid the ultimate sacrifice. Our nation’s “finest” have continually fought for America’s freedom through the generations. People who values consist of God, nation, family, integrity, and service before self. People who consistently bear the awesome task of defending America. People who put individual desires to the side for the good of all Americans. These are the people who should be remembered on this holiday. America is the greatest nation on earth because of these people who sacrifice to defend freedom and liberty. As you go about your day, please take a moment to reflect and remember the lives of “America’s Finest,” who gave it all to make our nation what is it today.

Photo credit: U.S. Census Bureau

Defining Backtalk

After months of unacceptable behavior from LaLa, culminating with her acting like a heathen at the Yultide Bazaar on Saturday, I had a massive blow up. Then I had a moment of clarity. I remembered I had this unused star chart sitting on the side of the refrigerator. When I say completely unused I mean completely unused, well except for when LaLa went and put one of her stars up next to a chore, exclaimed loudly she did it and then expected me to bend over backwards to give her allowance (nice try, kiddo, by the way).

So, I sat down Saturday night after I had already confiscated her Wii (to her sheer horror) and redefined each chore with her and added "good attitude" and "no backtalk" to the list to try to tackle her behavior problems. It worked like a charm Sunday. She did all her chores- cleaning her room, removing her toys from the living room, bringing her clothes to the dirty clothes bin, brushed her teeth, made her bed and even did well with not back talking and having a good attitude. I was seriously impressed by her effort.

Then tonight at dinner the conversation ensued.

LaLa- "Mom what exactly is back talk?"
Me- "Well, it is when I ask you to do something and you tell me "no" or "I don't wanna" or are disrespectful back to me"
La- "So if I tell you no that I am not going to do something I don't get my star?"
Me- "Right."
La- "But, if I say yes and do it I get my star?"
Me- "Yep"
La- "But if I say Ok and then later say no and don't do it, then I don't get one, right?"
Me- "Yeah"
La- "But if I say no and then do it I get it?"
Me- "ummm"
La- "cause I did it"
Me- "I guess"
La- "ok..."

I can see it now, she is finding loopholes. It is kind of like Bill Clinton defining the word sex.

Words of Wisdom From The Man

When my husband is out of town we have epic instant message conversations that can last for hours. Actually, we do some of our best talking when he is gone- mostly because he actually has time to have a conversation when he is gone. His insane schedule when he is home rarely lends itself to quality time to converse. Here are some gems from our Friday night IM conversation (and yes I got his permission to blog this):

Talking about how LaLa is growing up too fast:

The Man: yeah i know...lala is getting big and old lol
Kat: we should trade her in ;)
Kat: lol
The Man: not in a million years...ask me that again though once i have to deal with periods, social status, and boys' penises
Kat : ROFL

Talking about how we talk more when he is gone:

The Man: u know what is weird?
The Man: we actually talk more when i aint around
Kat: yeah cause you actually have TIME
Kat: and aren't asleep
The Man: true
The Man: dont hate the airman..hate the game lol


Words of wisdom to live by.

Dear So and So....Back With a Vengence

Dear So and So is BACK. Strap yourselves in; it's gonna be a wild ride.

Dear Bin Men (garbage men, whatever you want to be called),

You were just having a laugh the other day when you dumped my recycle bin and then just casually placed it smack dab in the middle of my driveway weren't you. You're lucky I was for once paying attention and didn't hit it. Can you imagine the type of wheelie bin carnage that could have ensued? Scenario 1= I hit the bin it flies across the road into the farmers field where I have to then wade through weeds and mud to retrieve the bin. Scenario 2- I hit the bin, it goes into the 50 mph road in front of my house then gets broadsided by a passing car. This could a) destroy my bin b) wreck someones car c) kill those in the car. So, Mr. Bin Men, please put the bins to the side of my driveway and NOT smack in the middle of it from now on. Got it?

Would rather not cause carnage with a wheelie bin, Kat
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Dear People Who Park On Double Yellows,

It's illegal, A-hole.

Got it?, Kat
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Dear LaLa and KiKi,

Can we please skip the right before we leave out the door for school dramatics. Just put your coat on, grab your book bag and get your little behinds out the door. I don't care if she has your toy, or your book or your blah blah blah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah...Oh wait, what? You started to sound like Charlie Brown's teacher there for a minute. Yeah, I don't care what the other did to you let's go.

Lovingly Yours, Mom
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Dear Radio 2,

I heard a Christmas song two days ago. Too soon!!

Love, Kat
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Dear House Elves,

You're fired. My dishes aren't done, the laundry isn't done. What? Your mythical?....

Damn., Kat
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Dear Readers,

Please jump on the Dear So and So train. I will be posing a new DSS each Friday with a linky. Please join in when you have a chance.

Weekend Safety Briefing: Don't drink and drive, don't talk back, don't run with scissors, super glue is not for children, don't give me that look, if you make that face it will stick, if your friends jumped off a bridge- don't, always ask for directions, make sure you have enough gas in the car before you embark upon your journey, make sure your tires are properly inflated and for goodness sake don't make me come back there!!

Have a good weekend, Kat
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CyberMummy 2011 Meet and Greet

The date has been set for CyberMummy 2011! It will be happening June 25th down in London. I am already so excited that I can barely stand it. CyberMummy, for those who do not live in the UK is the closest thing we have to BlogHer here in the UK for mummybloggers (and Tim). It is a chance for us to learn from each other, meet and have a good time around for the most part like minded people.

Last year Mummysshoes.com had the great idea to put together a little who's who on her blog. This way we kind of had an idea who each other were, since many of us had never met in person. Here is my entry for this years Meet and Greet.

Name: Kat- also answers to "hey you" "3bedroom" or "dude"

Blog: http://3bedroombungalow.blogspot.com (of course you already know that if you are reading this on my blog)

Twitter ID: @3bedroom

Height: 5'7"

Hair- Brown for now. Most often found in a ponytail or bun since I can't be bothered to pull out my hair dryer most mornings.

Eyes- Green (see, I am not full of crap like people think)( If I was my eyes would be brown)(no offense to people with brown eyes)(My husband and kids have brown eyes)(I love brown eyes).

Likes- Encased meat (sausages, hot dogs (no I don't want to know what is in them thank you very much), bratwurst...), traveling, pretty things, chatter, Macs, technology in general, Peppa Pig, Star Wars (but I don't dress up or anything), people who are just as crazy as me.

Dislikes- People who complain or create drama, housework, sprouts, Captain Mack (it's a kids show in the UK), flat tires, people who fail to use indicators when making turns or on roundabouts.

House Cleaning

As of Friday Dear So and So... will be back. I have missed it and asked around, apparently others have missed it as well. So, I will get to work writing my letters, you should too! I will of course have a linky up so we can all go read everyone's letters.
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To my fellow Americans: I don't care if you are a Republican, Democrat, Independent, Green Party, Libertarian, Tea Party, or The Rent Is Too Damn High Party (yes, it is a real party), we ALL need to get our heads out of our collective asses and get some work done to put ALL Americans back to work. For once we need to listen to each other, make tough decisions that may not go down party lines and just do the right thing. Word?
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Now the song that had LaLa clapping and singing in the backseat.

Let it Be

This morning while I was getting KiKi dressed for school this is the conversation we had.

Me- Daddy is leaving again for a while. Don't worry he will be back before Christmas.
KiKi- Is he going to school?
Me- Yep. He'll be in Germany for school! (tries to sound excited)
KiKi- Will his friends be there?
Me- Yep. He will have some of his friends there.
KiKi- Alright.

Needless to say the four year old was a little more understanding when told that The Man will be leaving again for work purposes. I on the other hand threw a tantrum a two year old would have been proud to claim. Usually I am the picture of a stoic military wife, on Thursday when I found out we had four days to alter our plans for the holiday season (he won't be here for Thanksgiving) I lost the plot. Don't worry. It only took me 45 minutes to gather myself and put back on my stoic face. What else can I do? I love my husband.