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Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Advise from the Badass Geek

Badass Geek is not only a great blogger, but he is also a teckie to end all teckies. If I ever have a problem with my computer he will probably be one of the first people I email for tech support. Screw calling the helpdesk in New Delhi I am willing to bet Badass has a much more understandable accent (even though he is from Maine). Please make the Badass Geek feel at home here at the Bungalow!

When Kat approached me to write a guest entry for her during the time that she was going to be relocating to her new home across the pond, I agreed without hesitation. She gave me a few suggestions when I asked her what I should write about, and although she gave me freedom of subject matter (short of religion or politics), I decided to go with one of her suggestions and write about something I have a lot of experience with: moving.

I boast that I have a lot of experience with moving because in the past three years, my wife (who I refer to The Boss over at my blog) and I have moved a back-brakingly high number of five times. To say that we are adept at safely packaging our dishes and other things destined to be labeled as “Fragile” would be a gross understatement. Due to the frequency of our address changes, a majority of our possessions have spent most of their time tucked safely away inside a growing number of plastic storage bins, saving us the work of having to re-pack them for the eventual moving process in a couple months down the line.

Now, anyone who follows my blog knows that I am fond of making lists, and can make a list out of just about anything. Since I am just one job description on my résumé away from being a Professional Home Relocation Contractor, I figured it’d be appropriate to share a list of things I’ve learned about the moving process from personal experiences…

Important Things To Remember When Moving:

· Don’t pack essential items that you use daily, like deodorant or toothpaste, until the last day at your soon-to-be former residence. Your spouse and others helping you move will appreciate this.

· It is foolish to rely on the strength of cardboard boxes to transport the contents of your bookshelf. The bottom will fall out approximately three steps before you arrive to the moving van/truck.

· Use caution when using cleaning products. Proper ventilation is necessary to avoid dangerous side effects such as dizziness, loss of consciousness, and the waste of an afternoon from sitting in your vacant living room, laughing about nothing in particular whilst feeling stoned.

· If you forgot you had it or haven’t used it in six months or more, get rid of it. If you don’t, I promise you’ll be kicking yourself in the ass six months later when you have to move it to another apartment… again.

· Do not eat large meals when moving. Otherwise, after consumption you might experience what is called a “Food Coma”, or worse, vomiting.

· Invest the money in large, heavy-duty garbage bags. They are good to have on hand when you are fed up with putting things in boxes, and can hold a surprisingly large amount of stuff. Remember to differentiate the bags of Things You Want To Keep from the bags of regular household trash, so you don’t accidentally set something important, like your wife’s wedding dress, out on the curb for pickup the next morning.

· When selecting the proper attire for Moving Day, choose clothes that are loose-fitting. Your favorite old pair jeans might be the most comfortable if just a little tight, but the cool autumn air will cause a chill when the crotch rips open when you remember to lift with your knees.

· If the number of trips you make between your old residence and new residence exceeds the number of fingers you have (assuming you’re not an amputee), you have too much crap.

By the time this post reaches the wonderful readers of Kat’s blog, my wife and I will probably have been awarded a Guinness World Record for moving again, for the sixth time in three years. Just as I’ve become skilled at packing and lifting heavy things without giving myself a hernia or a slipped disc, with each move we make I’ve become equally as skilled at complaining about it every step of the way. You are not going to hear me complain about it here, though. Moving from one place to the other, with no more than 20 minutes and 11 miles between them, is just a drop in the bucket compared to the time-zone traversing relocation that Kat and her family face.

Good luck with the move, Kat. We look forward to hearing about it all when you come back.


Me, You, or Ellie said...

Six months? Wow, that's a strict time-limit. My strategy is I leave my plastic buckets of stuff in my mother-in-law's basement for years and years, and constantly tell her "I'll get to it. Soon."


Anonymous said...

Please tell me you didn't actually put your wife's wedding dress out on the curb for the trash collectors!!

Sprite's Keeper said...

Luckily Army people get professional Army movers who pack everything from the couch to the half used bar of soap.
But, yeah, the deoderant thing? SMART!

Badass Geek said...

Its definately not something we plan on, but something always seems to come up forcing us to move.

And Sus, I almost did. It was a close call, involving lots of shouting out the window at me as I dragged it down the lawn.

Captain Dumbass said...

When we moved into our house, we moved from SL's parents house so we were pretty much starting from scratch. Now I'd like to move just as an excuse to throw away 3 quarters of the sh*t in our house.

Meg said...

6 months?? It's only three in my house.

We've moved 7 times in 7 years and are now about to embark on another one.....likely as far as Kat.

Good list!

zipbagofbones said...

You are clearly a pro. Great post, thanks for keeping us company!

Aunt Becky said...

Man, I couldn't handle all the moving. But next time I do, I'll be sure to check your list.

Dave's a nomad, so I'm aware of how it works. Thing is, he happens to just leave it all to me to do it all. Which is why I hire movers.

Lola said...

Umm, I guess I have waaay too much crap!

Great job, man.

Anonymous said...

Good list Badass - Are they ALL from experience (getting high on cleaning products, crotch rips and barfing)?

I'd also like to welcome Kat and her family to England - hope you enjoy your stay. I'll have to read your blogging observations about our tired country.

OhCaptain said...

Good list.

If I find any boxes with the seal intact from the last move that don't say things like "Wedding Dress" or Aunt Bertha, it definitely goes some where other then the new house.

How important could it be?