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Tuesday, May 4, 2010

How to Win Four Weddings

So the show here in the UK called Four Weddings, I have talked about it before, ya know, when there was that naturist wedding on TV. You can read about that here. The premise of the show is that four brides attend each others weddings and then score each others weddings in secret, competing for a dream honeymoon. The scores are spread out like this the venue is scored out of ten, the food is scored out of ten, the dress is scored out of ten and the overall experience is scored out of twenty. Then the scores are added up. The bride with the highest score wins.

After watching this show a number of times I have come to a few conclusions and basically a sure fire system to win Four Weddings. If I wasn't already married I could totally pull this off!

1. Colored dresses never score high. Stick to a white or ivory dress. You might want to show your personality, but other brides will just think you are being cheeky or trying too hard.

2. Make sure your dress fits you well. Nobody likes wobbly boobs in the top of your corset.

3. The food is the most important part of the day. Make sure you have something substantial. Make sure there are vegetarian options. There always seems to be one vegetarian bride in each bunch. Actually taste the things that the catering company is going to serve for your wedding BEFORE the event.

4. Describing your wedding as "Princess" themed or using the word fairy tale isthe kiss of death. All anyone thinks about anymore when you say those things is Jordan. If you also wear a pink dress you may as well just give the other brides the tickets to Jamaica.

5. Serve cheesecake or tiramisu for pudding (dessert). Do not serve something really over the top that sounds good but turns out to be really not nice. Fresh fruit with whipped cream also seems to go over well.

6. Make sure there is an open bar. No cash bars!!!! Cash bars are tacky! When all else fails make sure the other brides get tipsy.

7. Hire a DJ. Make sure your DJ can pick nice fast paced songs, but enough slow songs that they older people can have a dance too. Don't have him play all trendy hip hop songs.

8. NO THEME WEDDINGS!!!! If you have to get your brides into costumes, it isn't going to go over well.

9. Do not have an outdoor wedding in the dead of winter. (Shouldn't this be common sense? You'd think right?)

10. Did I mention open bar?

So this is the formula for winning Four Weddings. Of course there is always the wild card of having a super bitchy bridezilla who is going to score everything low no matter what in order to make sure she wins. Make sure you get her especially sauced. At least then when she scores you low, she will also make an ass of herself on national television. I count that as a win too.